


"How To Write a Romantic Comedy Novel" by Steve Rogers

by RebelSugarcube



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Awkward Romance, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky is a famous writer, Clint Barton's terrible jokes, Comedy but I promise it has a great ending, Double Life, Humor, M/M, Playing It Cool AU, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Smut(just one), Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve Rogers needs help to write a book, Steve's first lie, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony is obsessed with a book, Writer's Block
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 60,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelSugarcube/pseuds/RebelSugarcube
Summary: Steve Rogers has the best job of the world as a writer in SHIELD, one of the most prestigious publishing houses in New York City, he has amazing friends and one spectacular talent to write novels about mystery and crime. But ever since his boss, Sam Wilson, tells Steve to write a romantic comedy novel that will surely become the "best-seller of the season" Steve has no idea how to start, these kind of stories are not his style, not only because he has a terrible love life, but because he doesn't believe he can write it.Desperate, Steve decides to get help, everything seems lost until he meets Bucky Barnes; a famous author of one of the best romantic comedy novels, and one of Steve's favorites. In order to get Bucky's help, Steve lies about who he is and what  his real intentions are. Soon, Steve will learn how strangers can be the best and worst thing that can happen and how love is found in almost every moment of life.(AU of the movie "Playing It Cool")





	1. A Romantic Comedy Novel

**Author's Note:**

> When I mean that this story is based in another work it is beacuse is based on a movie. Ever since I saw the movie "Playing It Cool" I decided to write this story, of course I didn't have the courage to publish it until today, this have been saved in my computer for days. I had to change some things, I added details of my own and to be honest it was so much fun to write this! I enjoy reading and writting fics about Stucky, many authors inspired me to write and to see the world from a different perspective.
> 
> Without further ado, I present you the story. As I always say, the best thing about writting is knowing that there are people out there who enjoy my work.

_‘Harrison grabbed Carrie’s hand and led her to other room; the heat of the party, the drinks, the music, that was not the kind of place where he wanted to do this. The house was enormous; it took them some time to find a place that was neither crowded, nor dirty or loud, finally they found a place: the garden. Yes, Mark had a nice house and all, but Harrison never imagined there was a garden, Mark was never a fan of gardening but the garden had different kinds of plants and flowers, a fountain or a marble statue could be found in any corner. Harrison thought this was the perfect place, after his adventure with Carrie, solving the case of the 14 missing persons, capturing the criminals and saving the mayor of the city, he realized he had fallen for her. Harrison was a charismatic detective, how come he had fallen in love with such a shy girl like her?_

_Finally alone, in the garden, now he only had to confess his feelings for her. Still holding Carrie’s hand and staring directly to her beautiful brown eyes, Harrison opened his mouth to tell her how he feels, to speak with words that came out from his heart and…’_

 

Steve Rogers stared directly to his computer screen, _‘and…’ what?_ He had to think about something to write, what will the main character say to the love of his life? Steve had reached the most important part of his romantic comedy novel, how they called it nowadays. He started to think again, empty; his thoughts and imagination were not cooperating with him tonight.

_First of all, why am I doing this_? Steve thought.

This is Steve Rogers: blonde, tall, a beautiful face with a beautiful name, bright blue eyes with a touch of green and a charming smile. Steve was a writer, and one of the best, ever since he was young; Steve decided he was going to grow up to become a writer. He wrote stories to make people happy, that was the best part of his job, knowing that there are persons out there that enjoy reading what you write. Steve’s best novels included stories about adventures, sci- fi and novels about criminals, murderers or some shit like that. Then, why is Steve Rogers writing a stupid romantic comedy novel? He had never written something like that, usually girls write this kind of stuff, but Steve knows that there are men who also write about romance, the thing is: no matter if you are a woman or a man, to write a romantic story you only need to know about love and how it feels to be in love with someone.

That was the main problem: Steve’s romantic life is not the best you can find, yes he had fallen in love sometimes but the problem was when the other person didn’t feel the same way about him.

Steve stopped staring at his computer screen, now he was staring at the ceiling, the same question still wandering in his head: _why, why, why am I doing this?_   Steve knows how to write stories about criminals, not about two persons falling in love.

Steve realized he had made one of the worst decisions of his life when he agreed to write this novel. He worked for SHIELD, one of the best publishing houses of New York City, SHIELD was well known because many authors who had worked with it were now famous and recognized. Nick Fury started writing poems until he decided to work with SHIELD, now his novel would become a major motion picture. Anyway, back to Steve’s story and how he got stuck with this romantic-comedy novel. Steve’s boss was Sam Wilson, a guy who was known because of the plays he wrote, all of them were comedy but directors liked them and bought the plays, some of them are presented in big theaters, others are sold to high school teachers that present the play for parents.

Sam had great influence in SHIELD, and when they asked for an author who could write a good romantic-comedy novel, someone who was passionate and compassionate, Sam immediately raised his hand and said that Steve was the ideal person for the job.

Sam was not only his boss, he was one of Steve’s closest friends, Sam thought Steve would be happy to know that he had given him one of the best opportunities of his life, the chance to demonstrate his talent as a writer, when in fact Sam had given Steve one of the worst headaches of his life, he knows Steve doesn’t write that kind of stories, but he thought this might be the chance to convince Steve that everyone likes what he writes, no matter what it is about.

“Steve can write a book about a monkey playing with a unicycle and I am sure that everyone will be willing to read that thing.” Sam had told everyone, which is the main reason Steve decided to take the job. Everyone had faith in him; everyone thought Steve could write a romantic comedy novel. Everyone except himself.

‘ _and he was ready to speak when…’_  Steve had continued typing the story. _Woah, six words, what a progress_ Steve thought, six words in 20 minutes, time were the only thing he had done was stare at things. How many times had he done that? How many times had he pressed the delete button in his keyboard? He decided to stop there, he saved his work and shut down the computer. He finally decided to rise from his desk; he had been sitting there for hours.

“I can’t do this.” Steve said to himself, he had his phone in his hands; Steve could easily call Sam to tell him he is not able to write this, that he must find someone else to do it. Not only will Sam be disappointed, but he will ask the same question “why can’t you do this?” Steve could imagine it, the thing is Steve can’t answer that question because not even he knows why can’t he write a stupid romantic comedy novel.

“Tomorrow is another day.” Steve said, he had this habit of speaking with himself. Some thought it was fascinating, others that he might be crazy. Steve thought that sometimes he just needed time with himself.  


……………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hey, you still here?” it was Sam’s voice; he was waving his hand in front of Steve’s face “Steve are you okay?”

“What? oh, yes I’m fine.” Steve had done it again; stare at things, getting lost in his thoughts. He was sitting at Sam’s desk in his office, which was relatively big for just one person to work there. Steve decided he needed to talk with Sam and tell him that he can’t do this, he can’t write this novel.

“Man, you look terrible.” Sam said, making his best effort to hide the big smile on his face, an effort that resulted in a complete failure. Sam busted out laughing; the look on Steve’s face was priceless, he was so confused.

“Sam I want to talk about-“ but before Steve could even finish his sentence, Sam raised his hand in front of Steve. “Stop, right there Steve.” Sam said with a calming voice “I know why you are here, Rogers. _‘Sam I want to talk about the romantic comedy novel, I’m sorry but I can’t write it because I am a big cry baby who has no imagination or talent’_ ” He said trying to imitate Steve’s voice,

_He is so annoying sometimes_ Steve thought, _but he is right._ Steve thought.

“Woah you’re good, that was exactly what I was going to say, you even got the cry baby part right.” Steve said as he ran one of his hands through his blonde hair. “I’m serious Sam, you need to find someone else.” Steve said with sincerity, he couldn’t look at Sam’s face, he knows Sam will be disappointed. But instead, Sam started to laugh and clap “Oh, Steve everyone seems to trust in you, except yourself. And before you start talking about how much your book sucks, let me tell ya… I read it already.”

Steve’s eyes widened so much, it seemed they were about to pop out of his face. Sam read his novel! Well, only the part he had written so far. “But, but... how did you?” Steve’s expression was one of the most stupid Sam had ever seen.

“Next time, make sure to put a password to your computer.” Sam said as he finally sat on his chair, he had been standing up since Steve entered his office “Steve, listen to me, man. So far the story is good; of course everyone wants to read about Harrison and Carrie’s story, hell, even my secretary out there said it was one of the best stories she has read, and she has read those Harry Potter books everyone loves.”

“Sam, I thought only you had read it!” Steve was very embarrassed now “How many people read that, Sam?” Steve was getting impatient, but Sam was still calmed.

“Relax, Steve, only she and I read it.” Steve was smiling, if they liked his novel there was a chance that every other person would like it. “But…” Sam’s voice erased the smile from Steve’s face. _But, but, but…what?_ “It’s a romantic comedy”  Sam made emphasis in the words ‘romantic’ and ‘comedy’. “Sure, the romance it’s there, but it’s not enough. People want to read a story so cheesy and romantic enough to make ‘ _Twilight’_ look like a creepy horror story between a freak and a suicidal girl.” Steve laughed at that comment, Sam really hated Twilight. “You see what I mean, Steve? It needs to be a romantic story between two ordinary people that make love appear like an extraordinary thing.” Sam smiled as he said the last word, _extraordinary_ “And now, the comedy… it’s not there. You are turning this into a crime novel, sure it is a great idea with an exciting plot, but Harrison and Carrie seem to lack of sense of humor, the situations are dangerous and intriguing, but where is the comedy? They say you can always find the bright side of everything, but I don't find it in your story.” Sam remained silent, waiting for Steve’s answer.

_Comedy?_ Steve’s sense of humor was not the best, how could he include comedy in his story?

“Sam, what would I do without you?” It was at this moment that Steve realized how important Sam was in his life, not only was he helping him with the book, he had been with Steve whenever he needed him.

“You would probably run away and live the rest of your days as a hermit in a boring island.” Sam’s sense of humor was so much better than Steve’s, why isn’t he writing the romantic comedy instead?  "Back to the point, Steve. I know you can do this, don’t tell me you are not good. Take me as an example, I started writing my own rap songs and sang them in the streets of Queens, and now I enjoy writing comedies that are about rap singers.”

Steve didn’t understand the reference. “Okay that was a bad example, forget it. I hope you take my advice, good luck. I’m giving you more time to write this.”

“Wait, why are you saying this? ‘Good luck’?” Steve said rising from the chair, Sam was getting his things ready to leave. “Where are you going? I need you to help me to write this thing, I will not be able to finish it without someone pushing me to do it.”

“Steve, it’s okay. I’m taking some vacations on a beautiful island; I told you last week, weren’t you listening?” Sam said placing one of his hands in Steve’s shoulder

“I was listening, but… I didn’t think that you would leave me when I need help to finish the romantic comedy.” Steve said.

“Steve, you’ll be okay. And I am pretty sure that you don’t need my help, I know that book will be done when I come back.” and with that Sam opened the door of the office and got out, he was probably heading to the airport to take a plane to the island where he will spend his vacations.

Now Steve was left alone, with no ideas about how to finish this damn romantic comedy book. He had more time now, which was kind of helpful, but without Sam’s guidance it seemed impossible to finish it on time.

But Sam was not the only friend Steve had, he would make each of his friends help him and he knew the right person to start with.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

One of the advantages of having a boss like Sam Wilson is that you could leave your job at the hour you wanted to, the only condition is that to leave early you must have your job or assignment ready. The thing is that Steve had absolutely nothing to do in his office at SHIELD; Sam abandoned him when he needed him the most, but Steve was someone who found a solution for everything. He had been thinking about giving up at first, but now that Sam had given him the exact guidelines of what to write for his romantic comedy novel, the only thing he needed now was help. He had to find help from one of the most charismatic, egocentric and one of the most irritating persons Steve had the grace to meet.

Steve knew he would find Tony at the library, he was always there. Tony might not be a writer like Steve, but he loved to read, Tony was a sci-fi geek, Steve could hear him talking about his favorite movie all day long.

This is Tony Stark: a handsome man with dark eyes that could make any lady fall for him. Son of Howard Stark, one of the most successful entrepreneurs New York City has seen Tony was now the owner of Stark Industries; he had all the money and fame he wanted. So, why is Tony fucking Stark A.K.A billionaire, genius, philanthropist and playboy, sitting at the library reading a book, when he could be buying a new car or spending his money in the streets of Paris?

When his father Howard died, Tony became the owner and director of Stark Industries. After some months and many responsibilities, Tony decided that was not the life he wanted to have, sure the money and parties were good, but all the stress of managing a whole company was sucking the life out of his body. He hired an assistant to help him, sweet Pepper Potts was one of the best things that happened in Tony’s life. She helped him to manage the company; she helped him to control his stress. But the most important thing Pepper did is that she conquered Tony’s heart. Tony had a reputation of being a womanizer, or a ‘fuckboy’ how they called it nowadays, but with Pepper it was different, she changed him for good. And Tony loves her so much. Tony is still the owner of Stark Industries, but the one on the lead is Pepper, she manages the industry. They are the perfect duo, a very special couple.

Now Tony spends his day building things or reading books. That was his favorite hobby: reading and fixing stuff.

Tony never noticed that Steve arrived to the library; he was reading his favorite book again. It was until Steve sat down when Tony saw him, he closed the book and finally looked at Steve “Well, isn’t it my favorite Dorito? I haven’t seen you in ages.” Tony had a naïve grin on his face.

“I am sorry, Tony. You know I’ve been busy, this novel is consuming part of my life.” Steve said to Tony.

“So busy that you have no time for your best friend? You don’t answer my calls, you don’t read my messages. I am really surprised to see you here today.” Tony opened the book again, it was _Pride and Prejudice_. “How are we supposed to be best friends when we do not have time for each other?”

“I’ll tell you how, I didn’t need to call you to know you were here at the library, sitting in the same chair as always, drinking your favorite Starbucks tea and reading that book again.” Steve said, they were both smiling.

“You know me so well, I think I am starting to hate you.” Tony said.

“I know you like you that book. Tony, seriously? Why are you reading it again?” Steve said as he grabbed Tony’s tea and took a sip from it, _gosh this tastes terrible_ Steve thought.

“My god, I am going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Tony said, touching the bridge of his nose. “This.” he said as he placed the book in front of Steve’s face “is not only a book, it’s a lifestyle. _Pride and Prejudice,_ is one, if not the best, book that has been written.”

Steve didn’t know why Tony loved that book so much, perhaps it was good, or perhaps it was the first book Tony read. Something that Steve knows is that thanks _to Pride and Prejudice_ he and Tony had become best friends. Steve still remembers the day he met Tony.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

_Steve was at ‘Le Café Coffee’, a small cafeteria, the only thing he ordered was a cup of coffee, he had moved to New York City a few months ago and still he had made no new friends. Steve started to draw something in a napkin; it was the building he had been staring at a few moments ago. Steve had so many hidden talents no one knew about, drawing was one of them. Just as he was about to finish his drawing, a waitress approached him._

_“Are you going to order something else, sir? I could recommend you a nice cake that would go perfectly with your coffee.” the waitress said with a smile._

_“No, thank you very much.” Steve answered. The waitress stayed there, Steve was sure she was looking at something. ”You made that beautiful drawing in one of our napkins? Sir, that is impressive.” Steve handed her the napkin for her to see the drawing better. “You can keep it if you want to.” Steve told her, probably he was soon going to have a new friend “Oh no, sir. It’s yours, but I see you drew the Stark Industries building, most of our customers come here to stare at the building too, but few of them actually draw it. I bet Tony Stark would be impressed by your drawing; he comes to this cafeteria sometimes.” now she was staring at the building too._

_“Excuse me, who?” Steve asked, confusion was noticeable in his voice. “Tony Stark, of course. The owner of Stark Industries.” The waitress answered with a huge smile in her face. Steve simply smiled, paid for his coffee and watched the waitress as she left to attend other table. Tony Stark, Steve thought, he had no idea who that man was._

_Just as Steve was about to leave the cafeteria, a man with dark sunglasses and a nice suit seated next to him. “Can I help you with something, sir?” Steve asked the man “No, but you can help me with something, do yourself a favor and read this. Someone told me you are writer, and you definitively need to read this.” He handed Steve a package, a book must be under all the coverings, Steve thought. Oh no, another rookie who was trying to make his fanfiction famous, Steve had dealt with these persons before, they wanted to convince you that their story was good for you to recommend it to others._

_“Is that my building?” the man asked, taking his sunglasses. He had brown eyes, spiky brown hair and an elegant beard._

_“Hey everyone, its Tony Stark!” a girl in the back shouted, everyone in the cafeteria started murmuring and approaching the man sitting next to Steve. “ Gotta go, make sure to read that.” The man, Steve assumed was Tony Stark, placed his sunglasses back again and ran outside of the cafeteria. Steve had no idea what was going on, Steve decided to follow Tony Stark and ask him why he had given him that package._

_Steve had to run out of the cafeteria the second Tony Stark had, he followed him into an alley, Tony started to run away from him, but Steve was faster and immediately caught him “Oh my gosh you’re fast, not another crazy fan please. What do you want?” Tony told Steve “Oh, it’s you, I knew someone was following me, thought it was a crazy fan, not you.” Tony said. “Crazy fans usually follow you, Mr. Stark?” Steve asked him, Tony looked exhausted after running away from Steve, but Steve wasn’t tired. “Only when I go to that damn cafeteria, I can’t help it, I love their tea.” Tony said._

_“Why did you give me this package, Mr. Stark?” he had followed Tony to this alley only to ask him that. “Open it, and then we talk.” Tony responded. He waited for Steve to open the package, Steve was right, it was a book. “Pride and Prejudice? What about it, Mr. Stark?” Tony stared at him, the smile on his face was gone” ‘What about it?’ “ Tony said making quotation marks with his fingers “It happens that book is the best ever, look I give a copy of the book to strangers or drop it in public places, like the subway or cafeterias, for people to read it. I just want everyone to know how much I love this book. And when I found out you are a writer, I thought you could make everyone at SHIELD know how awesome Pride and Prejudice is.” Tony finished._

_Steve somehow understood how Tony Stark felt, not everyone appreciated a good book nowadays “Wouldn’t it be easier if you just tell everyone in your company to read it, Mr. Stark?” Steve asked Tony, it was getting dark and being in an alley with the owner of a big company wasn’t exactly how Steve had planned to spend his Sunday afternoon. “I tried already, I even tried with my other friends at SHIELD, they were the ones who told me about you. You seem different, and I thought…I don’t know what I was thinking, no one else has read that book besides me, it would be nice to find someone to talk to sometimes.” Now Tony’s expression had changed, a man who had everything he wanted seemed to be missing something, company._

_“What if I told you I already read Pride and Prejudice?” Steve asked Tony, he was waiting for his reaction. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! We have so much to talk about…erhmm, what’s your name?” Tony asked as he placed one of his hands in Steve’s shoulder. “I’m Steve Rogers, I moved to the city a couple of months ago, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Stark.” They both shook their hands “Stop, there. For you I am not Mr. Stark, stop calling me that it makes me feel old. For you my friend Steve, you can simply call me Tony.”_

_As they walked out of the alley they talked about the book, but soon they found out they had many things in common. In little time both Tony and Steve became best friends, and until today they were still inseparable._

_…………………………………………………………………………………………………….._

And to think that was five years ago, Steve’s memory of that day was still clear. The next year after meeting him, Tony met Pepper, and you know how the story goes from there.

“You seem distracted, is something wrong, Steve?” Tony asked Steve as he finished drinking his tea. “Still stuck with the book? You seem tired, look at the bags under your eyes and your hair looks like a fucking nest of birds.”

“Yeah, I know. Tony, I never thought I would say this, but I need your help to finish the novel.” Steve was almost begging him for some help, Steve perfectly knew he will never finish the novel in time, but with Tony’s help things might be different. “You? The great author Steve Rogers needs my help? Woah, I never thought this day would come” Tony mumbled, he pulled his chair closer to Steve’s. "Steve, I am not a writer, I know shit about how to write a book. The only thing I do is read books, period.”

“Tony, but it’s a romantic comedy! You have a great sense of humor; almost everything is a joke to you, and you have a girlfriend. You know how these things work.” Steve’s last hope of finishing the novel was escaping through a hole in the wall.

“Having a girlfriend and being charismatic doesn’t mean I know how to write. To be an author you need to know how to transform your feelings into words. I may not know how to write a romantic comedy, but I do know what a romantic comedy should include.”

Steve’s ears filled with joy when he heard Tony saying that. Sam had already told him that his story is good, and Tony will now tell him what to do to finish the book on time. Steve remained silent and listened to what Tony had to say. “Okay, listen.” Tony cleared his throat. “I would pay to read a romantic comedy novel if it had a bridge scene on it. The main character has to stare to the distance, while being on a bridge of course. The character must have flashbacks or memories or something like that, always on the bridge.”

“But why a bridge?” Steve interrupted.

“Bridges make things a hundred percent more interesting, we can literally say that ‘suspense is in the air’ ” Tony chuckled, then continued explaining “What else…oh I know! The main character must give up everything he or she believes in, risk it all, just for love. When it comes to the comedic part the only thing you need to do is remember daily life experiences, I’m pretty sure that as an author many unusual things happen to you daily, turn that experiences into funny situations including sarcastic expressions or awkward moments.”

Steve was starting to paint the story in his mind, including what he had already written plus the scenes Tony was telling him. So far, the story seemed interesting “Anything else, Mr. Writer?” Steve said

“Anything else…” Tony started mumbling to himself, he had his hand in his chin, like if he were thinking of something. “Of course! How could I forget it? An airport scene, not to mention that they are my favorite ones, but also they bring a lot of drama with them.” Tony was smiling to himself; he looked back at Steve “Is anything of what I just mentioned useful to you?” Tony asked, that naïve grin back on his face.

“Tony, everything is perfect. Have you ever considered becoming a writer?” Steve asked Tony.

“Many times, Rogers. But then I start thinking about how much time and work that implies, and I think I’m too lazy to do that. I prefer to read others’ work better.” Tony responded. Steve started to grab his things, he had no time to waste. His mind was fresh with ideas he needed to transform into words for his novel.

“Leaving so soon?” Tony said. “I must say I’m kind of offended. You leave me here talking to myself, that is so uncivilized from your part, Steve.”

“Tony, sorry I… I really need to finish this on time. With all what you just gave me there is a huge possibility for me to finish writing this damn novel.” Steve stared at Tony’s face, he felt terribly bad about leaving him in the library, and after all the help he just gave him, Tony would probably think that Steve only needs him when he wants something.

“Not a problem, I know, work before friends.” Tony responded, but immediately added “What are you doing tonight, Steve? Do you have a busy schedule; do you even have time for your friends?”

“My schedule includes a cup of coffee and sitting in front of my computer screen writing a novel, what about you?” Steve tried to sound sassy as he responded, he failed.

Tony rolled his brown eyes.“Pepper organized a party, and I want to invite you, well she wants you to be there too. If you don’t assist you’ll break her heart, and most important, you’ll break my heart too.” Tony responded with a very soft voice, trying to convince Steve to assist.

“Tony I can’t… wait a minute, did you just said a party?” Steve placed his hand in one of his hips. “Didn’t you make one last week, too?”

“Yes, and who cares? We’re young and besides you have not attended any of my parties, lately. C’mon, you need to go, who knows, maybe you’ll have fun, maybe you’ll get more inspiration to finish your story.” Tony made that face again, Steve didn’t know how Pepper could stand him. Steve was considering Tony’s offer, he owned Tony for giving him some help with his story. Attending the party could be sort of a payback, but still he needed to finish his novel. Tony interrupted his thoughts with his voice “If you don’t go, your social life will be as bad as your love life. And you already know how that ends, remember her? Do you remember Peggy?”

_Oh no, not again_ Steve thought. Every time Tony wanted to get on Steve’s nerves he reminded him of the only stage of his life when he was truly happy. The flashback started hitting Steve immediately.

Steve met Peggy Carter the same year he met Tony. Steve’s neighbor, Sharon Carter, had introduced them on a party she organized at her house. Peggy was Sharon’s cousin. Peggy was a beautiful girl, soft brown curls that kissed her cheeks, warm brown eyes, and a red lipstick with the one she could conquer the world. Sweet, gentle, honest, everything Steve liked from a girl. They dated for two years, Steve had been the happiest man of the world, and with Peggy by his side he felt complete. But every fairytale has an end, and this one was not the exception.

One day, Peggy was waiting for Steve at his front door, he had no idea for how long she had been there, but Steve knew it was nothing good. Peggy told Steve that her brother, Michael died and that she had to go back to England for some time, the next day she took a plane back to London. Steve thought she would be back soon, but in her time back home, Peggy found a new job at the SSR and stayed in London. They both soon found out that a long distance relationship didn’t work, and Steve ended it. It had been the most difficult decision of his life, but it was better for both of them.

They were still friends though, they didn’t talk that much and Steve preferred it to be that way, thinking of his time with Peggy caused him pain, mostly because he knew she was now dating a man called Daniel Sousa. Peggy was not a bad person, but unlike Steve, she decided to move on and continue living her life.

“Fine, Stark. I’ll see you at the party, it better be good.” Steve responded Tony after a long pause. Tony smiled,

“Every party is good if I am the host, Steve.”

Steve laughed at Tony’s stupid comment, because he was right. Everybody would kill to attend one of Tony Stark’s parties.


	2. The Social Experiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day because why not :)
> 
> I hope you spotted the Star Wars references in the last chapter!

When Tony said a party, he meant a party. Tony was practically throwing his house out of the window; his house was very crowded with people, many of them wearing ridiculous party hats. Steve never imagined Tony knew so much people, he was glad to be one of the few true friends Tony had.

“Steve! I’m so happy to see you here.” Pepper Potts said as she greeted Steve, Tony was next to her, both Tony and Pepper had their hands locked together and Steve thought they looked kind of cute; Tony was wearing a red hat with yellow dots that complemented Pepper’s hat, yellow and with red dots. “You see, Tony? I told you he was coming. Tony bet his phone that you were not coming but I know you’re the kind of persons who keeps promises.” Pepper hugged Steve; she was wearing a yellow dress that matched with the blonde strands of hair in her head.

“It’s nice to see you too, Pepper. When Tony told me you were organizing a party I never imagined it would be this big.” Steve responded with a gentle smile.

“This? C’mon Steve, this is nothing. Remember that party we made for your birthday and then we…” Tony could not finish the sentence, Steve was making signals for him to stop talking about that party, they agreed never to talk about that party again, ever.

Pepper was confused “Party? What are you guys talking about, did I miss something?” And she was truly lost, Pepper had no idea what happened that night, only three persons knew about that night. Tony decided not to tell Pepper that Clint crashed her car that night and all the other things they had done.

“Pepper, honey, look more guests. I think we should greet them too, let’s go.” Tony said trying to avoid the conversation of the party.

“But I want to know what-“  before Pepper could finish talking, Steve interrupted her.

“You don’t want to disappoint you guests, Pepper. Go and greet them from my part too.”

“See you later, buddy.” Tony said, he gave Pepper a small kiss in her red lips and walked away to salute the other guests, Tony whispered a _‘Thank you’_ into Steve’s ear and he kindly responded _‘You’re welcome’_

They both left and Steve was on his own, he ordered a drink but before he could take a sip from it, two hands came from behind and covered his eyes. They were really soft; Steve could feel a ring wrapped in one of those fingers “Isn’t it my favorite redheaded ever?” Steve asked, he already knew who the person was.

“Or the only redheaded you know.” The voice answered.

Natasha placed away her hands from Steve’s eyes. “But it is nice to see you too, Steve.” Natasha hugged Steve.

“Nat, I was hoping for him to be surprised to see us. But it seems that you were right, nothing really surprises you.” another voice came from behind, a tall man with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes approached Steve and Natasha. 

"What were you expecting me to do, Clint? Jump around and hug you like if I were a seventeen-year old girl?” Steve joked.

“Sounds like a good welcome to me.” Clint responded, he ordered a drink too. Natasha laughed; her red hair covered her green eyes.

 These are Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton. What had Steve done to deserve such friends? He met Natasha and Clint at SHIELD, they both had started working there five years ago. Natasha loved to write, her talent? Drama of course, she also had a gift for theater, Natasha had directed many plays in New York City. Clint was more of the romantic type, he could go all days making rhymes and creating poems. Together, Clint and Natasha wrote plays that were performed at recognized theaters, but they didn’t take too much credit about it, they were both happy with their works. Natasha had been of great help after Steve ended his relationship with Peggy, she somehow taught him how to have fun sometimes, and Clint kept telling him that there are many fish in the ocean.

‘ _Throw your nets to the water again, Steve. And this time you might catch a bigger fish’_ Clint kept repeating that phrase to Steve. His poetry was sometimes inspiring, others, very annoying.

Both Clint and Nat had traveled away from the city two months ago; they presented one of their plays in New Jersey. They were busy with rehearsals and dialogues, Steve knew they would be back soon, but he didn’t expect to see them here tonight.

After they ordered their drinks, Natasha and Clint told Steve everything about their play “Working with them was kind of fun, it inspires me to write children’s stories. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a play where the main character is a little boy?” Natasha told Steve and Clint.

“It would, but just imagine all the rehearsals it would take to make that kid learn all of the dialogues.” Clint answered as he ordered another drink.

“What about a tiny person pretending to be a kid? Wouldn’t it be easier?” Steve said joining the conversation.

Natasha sighed, she started talking again “But it wouldn’t be the same.” She patted her fingers against the table “I think Clint and I have talked way too much about us tonight. What about you, Steve?”

“Yeah, what about you pal? What problems have you gotten into this past two months?” Clint asked Steve. Immediately, Steve started telling them about the romantic comedy novel, how he wasn’t capable of writing it, how Sam believed he could do it and all what Tony had told him to write. Most important, he told them that he needed to finish writing it on time.

“That sounds like a huge problem. How did you got involved with something you didn’t wanted to do?” Clint asked Steve.

“Sam told everyone I could do it, and at some point I believed it too.” Steve answered, he wanted to continue talking until Natasha interrupted.

“One thing is clear, right Clint?”

“Yes, we both agree Stark’s ideas are terrible.” Clint started to laugh until someone touched his shoulder.

“Did someone mention my name?” Tony appeared behind them with a drink on his hands.

“Talking about the king of thieves. Hello Tony I’m glad to see you.” Natasha hugged Tony and later Tony shook hands with Clint. The four of them were good friends.

“Yeah, its nice to see you again, Natasha. What were you saying about me, Barton?” Tony got closer to Clint “Oh, I was only talking about how much your ideas for Steve’s novel suck and that _Pride and Prejudice_ is not that great.” Clint waited for Tony’s reaction. Tony’s mouth opened so much it seemed his jaw would fall to the floor. “Insult me if you want to, Clint. But do not mess with Elizabeth or Darcy.” Tony responded, there was an awkward silence, until Steve started laughing and later Clint, Natasha and Tony joined him.

They chatted the rest of the night, but eventually Clint and Natasha had to leave, they were tired and they had things to do in the morning. Tony joined Pepper and remained by her side the rest of the night. Steve assumed the party was over for him, the moment with his friends had completely made him forget about his novel. He decided it was time for him to go home and continue working. Just as Steve was about to leave the party, a man approached him.

“Is the party boring for you too?” the man asked Steve in a soft voice. He had dark blue-grey eyes,irises that almost reflected the sky in a cold winter day, brown long hair that barely touched his shoulders, and a smile that could melt even the coldest ice. He was wearing a blue shirt, a little bit too casual for the party, and black pants and shoes. Steve couldn’t stop staring at him, he wondered if he was another of Tony or Pepper’s friends, hell, if they were family even; Steve was paralyzed, he had never seen someone like him in his life, an aura of mystery and intrigue radiated from him, still he seemed nice and charming. “I’ll take that as an answer.” the man spoke.

Steve was distracted, again, but this time it was this man’s fault. “What? Oh no, not boring. I’m just tired and I think I’ve been drinking more than usual this time. What about you?” Steve finally responded, he anxiously waited for his response. The man simply shrugged, then placed the bangs of hair that hanged from his head away from his face. “I think I’m okay, but I thought this party would be better.”

“You’ve got to be kidding, Stark always hosts great parties.” Steve said, he decided not to look at the man this time, he might get distracted again.

“Yeah, its great.” the man sighed “but I know how to make it better.” Steve’s eyes widened _what could this stranger possibly do to make one of Tony Stark’s party better?_   Steve’s inner voice questioned, until the man got closer to him. “Do you want to make a social experiment?” the man asked Steve as he licked his lips. At first Steve was starting to freak out, maybe this stranger was a total weirdo after all, but there was something in his blue eyes that indicated Steve to trust him.

“Don’t worry. I’m not an assassin ro anything, you’ll have fun I promise; listen the social experiment consists in this: we go around talking to people and trying to make friends and shit like that, our goal is to get their phone number. The one who gets more phone numbers, wins.” the stranger finished explaining.

“What do we win?” Steve asked, he was about to say no to this ‘social experiment’ until the stranger spoke again in a soft voice. “The title of king of social events. Are you in or not? C’mon it will be fun.” the man answered with a huge smile, his blue-greyis irises sparkled with excitement while he waited for Steve’s response.

 _‘If you don’t go, your social life will be as bad as your love life.’_ Tony’s words made an echo in Steve’s thought as he remembered them. Perhaps it was a fake title, but Steve needed to have fun tonight. “All right, stranger. Let’s do this together.” Steve told the man, who simply smiled and then laughed. The social experiment had begun.

Both Steve and the stranger started talking to random persons in the party, Tony noticed Steve was talking with many unknown people, he thought Steve was just trying to be a social person for the first time in his life. Steve talked with almost every girl in the room, he was handsome that was a point in his favor, after some talk he asked them for her phone number and finally he would tell her goodnight and leave. Steve noticed the stranger was also talking with others, but his strategy was completely different: the stranger would join a group of persons and start talking with them while Steve would only talk with girls who were alone or small groups of friends, he was truly enjoying this. Steve was sure about one thing: he was going to win; all the girls he had chatted with gave him their numbers. Even though the stranger had talked with more persons, Steve was sure not all of them had given him their phone numbers.

After an hour, Steve checked his watch; both he and the stranger were finally done with the experiment. They gathered together at the same place they had met, Steve was sure he was going to win. Both counted their phone numbers, Steve had 31 numbers in total, there was no way the stranger could defeat him.

“Well my friend, it’s to choose a winner. The numbers shall tell us who the king of social events is” the stranger told Steve, now his hair covered his face. “How many numbers do you have?”

“First of all let me tell you that I don’t care who wins I had fun doing this.” Steve said to the stranger, he sighed “but I don’t want you to feel bad, you made your best effort, there is no way you could beat the 31 phone numbers I got.” Steve said, he was starting to get very confident. The stranger laughed, he tilted his head backwards, and kept laughing. “Not bad, for a rookie, but next time you’ll have to do better if you want to beat the 48 numbers I got.” then he winked.

How could this guy get so much numbers? Steve couldn’t believe it “48 numbers? but how?” Steve asked confused.

“Years of practice, here, take a look yourself” the stranger handed him all the phone numbers, but he noticed something else: there were not only women in his list, but men

“Hold on one minute, pal” Steve was determined to make sure the stranger hadn’t made a mistake “Your list also contains phone numbers of guys, can you explain that ‘king of social events’?”

The stranger smiled, then ran his fingers through his long hair and finally said “The experiment was to get as many phone numbers as you could, I never said only girls’ phone numbers counted.” the man winked again. Steve couldn’t believe it, he stared at all the phone numbers he got, 31. Even if he had tried talking to men, he would have failed; this stranger had a gift to talk with people if he could convince them to give him their phone numbers. Steve kept staring at the phone numbers, of course he wasn’t going to call any of those girls. The thing is that Steve couldn’t believe he lost, but he decided to be a good loser and congratulate the stranger, he had won fairly. “Congratulations, I lost to a great opponent” he wasn’t looking at the stranger, but then he remembered he only knew this man by the name of _‘the stranger’_. Steve decided to ask the man the most important question. “Thanks for the experiment, I had fun. What’s your…” but when Steve decided to look at him, the stranger was already gone. “name…” Steve finished his sentence, he started to look for the stranger but there were no signs of him. The stranger vanished, like a shadow, like a shost who dissapears from a haunted place. But Steve was determined to find this man.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Steve searched for the stranger, but failed to find him and after some time, he decided to go home and continue writing, but he could not concentrate. His body was in the room, but his thoughts wandered in space, thinking about the man he just met and how easily he made friends. Tony said that the party was supposed to inspire him, that it could be helpful for his story, but it was quite the opposite.

After some failed attempts to write something, Steve decided to sleep, his morning was going to be terrible because very early someone was knocking at his door.

 _Who can it be?_ Steve wondered, what kind of person knocks the door at 8:00 a.m.? He was still wearing his pajamas when he opened the door. Natasha, Clint and Tony all greeted Steve with a ‘good mooooorning’. Natasha was carrying a bag, even though it was early, Steve was really happy to see them.

“Rise and shine, Rogers” Tony said as he sat on Steve’s sofa.

Clint chuckled “Seems like the party was good for you after all.”

“Guys, when I said that we should spend more time together I never meant this. Can’t we do normal things friends do at normal hours?” Steve yawned and immediately saw Natasha taking out some things from the bag “But we are doing something normal at a normal hour” Natasha smiled, then she showed Steve what was in the bag “Here, look. I brought coffee, bread, everything to prepare breakfast here.” she was still smiling at Steve, her emerald eyes shinned due to the early rays of sun; Steve really needed a good breakfast right now.

"Nat you better start making that coffee and those eggs into something we can eat, I’m starving here.” Tony said as placed his feet on top of the small table Steve had in the living room. Steve showed Natasha the kitchen and then went to the bathroom to take a shower, after cleaning himself, he joined the others at the dinner table. The others started eating without him, but Natasha was polite enough to serve Steve his breakfast and a cup of coffee.

“Is it me or this coffee tastes strange?” Clint said as he took another sip from his cup

“It could be poisoned, better watch out Clint, maybe your girlfriend is trying to kill us.” Tony joked as he stared at Natasha, she made a fake ‘ha ha’ in response “It’s from Colombia, it’s not poison Tony. You’re drinking one of the best coffees in the world.” Natasha said raising her cup.

“Yeah, whatever strange coffee, great taste” Tony answered as he finished his breakfast “Talking about strangers, Steve do you want to share with the us what the hell were you doing last night at the party?”

Steve almost choked on his food “Wha-what are you talking about, Tony?”

“He told us you made a new friend last night, but I need to know if we are talking of the man I think he is.” Natasha said as she served more coffee in Clint's mug. Steve never thought that Tony was watching him and the stranger while they made the social experiment, he should try to relax and explain to his friends what happened last night. “Oh, that was nothing. The man was bored and he told me to make a social experiment with him. It sounded fun and I agreed, at the end I really enjoyed asking for phone numbers to random people.” _Okay, that was a good explanation_ Steve thought.

“Do you realize you made a ‘social experiment’ with James Barnes, right?” Clint told Steve who simply nodded in answer but was extremely surprised, Clint knew the stranger’s name

“So that’s his name.” he answered.

Tony face palmed “You spent the whole night with a man making an experiment and had no time to ask his name? That is the first thing you do when you want to make friends, Steve. And the worst part is that the man is James Barnes.”

“I think you’ll kill me, but I have no idea who that guy is, the name sounds kind of familiar though. He seemed nice and doing the experiment with him was fun.” Steve responded.

Tony sighed “First you tell me you prefer Star Trek over Star Wars; then, that you haven’t seen any of the Harry Potter movies and now you don’t know who James Barnes is.”

“I’ll tell Steve who he is.” Natasha said joining the conversation; she started reading from her phone “according to Wikipedia, and some personal research I did some years ago, James Barnes is the author of the bestselling book _Winter._ A romantic comedy that had success among young and old readers, he won many literary awards for it, huh. I remember stalking this guy for almost six months in my old job, I wanted to get an interview with him so bad, I was sure that would give me a promotion. I followed him, texted his assistant, called him but he never replied back, rude.” Natasha stared at her phone again, a little confused “Isn’t _Winter_ one of your favorite books, Steve?”

Steve paid attention to the words _romantic comedy_ and _winter,_ he rose from the chair and started developing an excellent idea “So you guys are telling me that the stranger I spent the whole night with, is a famous author of a romantic comedy? Not to mention he is the author of one of my favorite books?”

Natasha nodded, Clint answered with a _yes_ and Tony responded with a cold _basically._

“Tony thank you so much for inviting me to that party!” Steve said and then hugged Tony, the man looked confused as he hugged Steve back

“What’s on your mind, Steve?” Tony asked. Steve sighed before he started explaining his plan.

“Don’t you get it? James Barnes is the clue to finish my novel, with his help I can write a book as good as his! Natasha, does Wikipedia says, or do you know, where does he lives or where can I find him?”

Natasha stared at her phone again “It only says _‘currently living in New York City’ “_  Steve needed more specific information, he started to think where could he find the man until Natasha spoke again “But if it helps you, I know that he likes to attend charity events. He’s been spotted at almost every charity event in New York City this year.”

“And turns out I just found a list of the next charity events in New York City.” Clint said with a smile, he was holding his phone as he read out loud all the next charity events.

“You guys are good, in other life, I bet you two were spies of a secret company.” Tony said as he pointed in Natasha and Clint’s direction, they both shrugged and later shared a high five. “So what are you planning to do to find him, Steve?” Tony asked

“That is the part where you help me.” Steve responded, Tony raised one of his eyebrows. Steve now had someone to help him, his last hope to finish writing his novel, his last hope to write one of the best stories ever. He would do everything that was necessary to find James Barnes and write the best romantic comedy ever.


	3. Finding James Barnes

“May I see that list again?” Tony asked Steve for the millionth time, he handed Tony the list on his phone and Tony started reading all the charity events. “And can you repeat your plan again please? Is that I am not sure if I heard a good plan or one of the most stupid ideas ever.”

Steve sighed, his plan was simple: find James Barnes, talk with him and since both of them are writers, he would help Steve to write the novel by giving him advices or stuff like that. James Barnes was well known because he had collaborated with other authors to write books. He even gave literature classes to young people at colleges. With his lessons, Steve would not only finish the novel on time, he would write one of the best romantic comedies ever. Steve was also excited to spend time with other author, not to mention he would spend time with one of his favorite authors. “Listen Tony, we find James Barnes, I kindly ask him for some advices and tips about romance and comedy, he helps me to write my novel and finally get rid of romantic comedy books in my life.”

“It’s not a good plan, it’s stupid. But I’ve done worst things.” Tony responded “And how exactly do I help you?”

“We are attending charity events, if people see Tony Stark in this kind of events they will be surprised. Tony you’re not only my entrance to this events, you’re also the distraction. You’ll be at the event while I look for James, got it?” Steve patiently waited for his answer.

“Are you implying that people will be surprised to see me at events helping others? Because if that is what you mean I feel kind of offended. I’m a gentle soul and you know it.” Tony smiled and Steve rolled his eyes

“I know you are, Tony. But you don’t attend events like this, right?”

“Okay stop there before you say something to hurt me. I hope this plan works or you’ll regret it.” Tony and Steve were talking in Tony’s car as they drove to the place where the first charity event of the list would take place, the art gallery. The event consisted of an auction of art pieces, either paintings or sculptures, the funds raised in the event would be donated to the children’s hospital. The list Clint gave Steve contained seven charity events in New York City, and Steve and Tony were heading to the first of them. Steve hoped to find James tonight, once he found James, they could stop attending the events.

“Can I ask you something?” Tony asked after a long period of silence, he placed his hands in the car’s steering wheel. Steve nodded and Tony started talking “If this guy is the author of one of your favorite books, how come you didn’t remember him? And romantic comedies are not your type of novels, you said it yourself, then why is his book one of your favorites?”

Steve sighed; he didn’t know how to answer the question. He had never told Tony how much he loved romantic comedy books, but he was his best friend, he had the right to know. “When I was younger, I told my mom I wanted to be a writer. She was very happy, because that was also her dream when she was a teenager; she said that she would help me to reach my goal. My mom was the one who gave me my first book ever, it was a mystery novel, I loved that book. I was surprised when she gave it to me on Christmas, she was a nurse, in those days books were kind of expensive and I didn’t know how she afforded the book. I loved that it, I read it four times and it inspired me even more to become a writer. She was all I had.”

Tony paid close attention, he had never heard Steve talking about something so deep and personal like this “What happened?”

Steve bit his lip, then continued talking “When I was eighteen, I came home and our neighbor was there, I was surprised to see her. But she told me something that changed my life, I felt like my world was broken when she said that my mother died at work. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it. My mom was all I had in life, and now she was gone. After that, people started to tell me to look for other goals in life, that I would never become a writer, to be more realistic. The thing is that, with my mom gone, the book was all I had to remember her. Every time I grabbed the book in my hands, I felt sadness and fury because at the end of the novel everyone was happy, the case was solved and everyone had everything they wanted. I realized that book was a complete lie, the only love I had known was my mom’s and now she was dead. But I never gave up, worked hard and finally became a writer, but I decided to write things that I liked and romance was never one of them, love is not my thing.”

“Was the book your mom gave you _Winter_?” Tony asked

“Oh no, that book didn’t exist back then. I didn’t believe in love, until I met Peggy, she was the one who gave me _Winter_ as a present. It had a special meaning for both of us, we used to cuddle in bed and read it together. But then… well, you know what happened.” Steve said as he finished talking.

“You should write a book about your life, it’s very interesting.” Tony said joking, after listening to Steve’s story, he had to make that moment less tense and depressing. They drove in silence until they reached the gallery.

“Are you ready to do this?” Tony asked when he and Steve were at the entrance of the gallery.

“We can’t back down. The plan will work, I’m sure of it, Tony.” Steve opened the door and they were in. “All right, let’s do it.”

The gallery was more crowded than expected, both Steve and Tony knew what to do, but they never thought there would be many persons there.

“Never thought there were so many charitable people in the city. What about the plan?” Tony looked around, many persons were staring at pictures.

“Tony, I’m afraid we’ll have to split up if we want to find James.” Steve said, Tony’s eyes widened “What? No way! We are staying together even if it takes the whole night to find that guy.”

“Tony we won’t find him if we do not split. You stay when the auction takes place, who knows, you might find an art piece you like. While you’re there, people will stare at you and probably ask you questions. Meanwhile, I’ll be looking for James, okay?” Tony sighed “Sounds simple, but it could work. But I am not wasting my money in art I do not like!”

Steve smiled and watched Tony as he left to the room where the auction was just about to begin. He started to look for James, first he searched in the main room where people stared at the pictures. He didn’t found him, then he went upstairs to the room where the sculptures, pop art and abstract art where. No signs of James Barnes, Steve stopped to look at the painting of a bridge, he had seen it before in one of his art classes. Steve could draw a bridge like that, but he could never color it like the artist did. As he stared at the picture, everyone in there was heading to the room where the auction was taking place. Tony did his part, he created a distraction. Steve followed them to the room, maybe James was there. The crowd had their eyes on Tony Stark and followed him wherever he went, asking him questions and hoping he would donate money.

There were too many persons, Steve was not able to spot James there. He headed to the main room, the only person there was the receptionist: blonde, too much make up, glasses and perfect nails. Steve saw she was holding a book, it had the word ‘guests’ in the cover, he had another idea. The receptionist could tell Steve if James Barnes was here today. He approached her desk. “Excuse me? Miss? Can you help me?” the girl took off her glasses and looked at Steve. “Goodnight, gentleman, How can I help you?” she said politely.

“I’m looking for someone, it’s important for me to find him.” at first Steve thought the receptionist will not help him because she stayed quiet and said “I could help, but I am not authorized to give personal information of our guests to anyone.” Steve already saw this coming, fancy places like this only gave information to certain persons… or relatives. Steve decided to use his charm and imagination to get the information, he was dealing with a young and pretty teenager after all “Miss, I need to know if James Barnes is here tonight. I’m… his gay cousin. I’m new in the city and he told me to meet him here today.”

The receptionist jumped in excitement “Why didn’t you start there? Of course I’ll help James Barnes’ cousin!”

_Teenagers_ Steve thought.

“According to the book of guests, James Barnes was supposed to come here tonight.” she handed Steve the book, James’ name was written with fancy handwriting. The girl was now checking the computer on her desk “but according to my computer, he is not here tonight. James sent an email yesterday apologizing because the auction would have to take place without his presence. Hmm, too bad, Mr. Barnes always likes to donate in events like this.”

 

Steve was very disappointed; James was not here tonight. Both he and Tony had wasted time coming here, he had searched everywhere and Tony had created a distraction for nothing. “Thanks for the help, Miss.” Steve smiled and waited in the other room for the auction to be over. He’ll have to tell Tony they had wasted time tonight. _But there are six more events to go_ Steve thought, he was still optimistic, but he was not sure if Tony would be. Steve thought he would find James tonight, the sooner the better, he had no time to waste when he had a novel to write.

After an hour and a half, when the auction was finally over, Steve was outside of the gallery waiting for Tony, he had to tell him the bad news. A small group of persons were following Tony, but they left him alone when he said goodnight, Steve was surprised to see that Tony was carrying something that looked like a frame. “You said you were not spending money, and I never asked you to do it. What’s that?” Steve crossed his arms and looked at the awful painting Tony had bought, it was a cat with one of the dumbest faces ever.

“I said I was not spending my money on things I didn’t liked, but this is adorable. I’m sure Pepper will love it, and look at the bright side: the money I spent on this will be used to help children at the hospital. Friendly reminder of how gentle I am.” Tony chuckled and Steve rolled his eyes. “Please tell me you found Barnes.”

But before Steve started talking Tony already knew what he was going to say “Your face just answered my question, Barnes was not in the gallery, right?” 

Steve smiled “No, he wasn’t. But I asked and he was one of the guests who were supposed to attend the event, yesterday he sent an email saying that he couldn’t attend. We were so close, Tony.”

Tony sighed “He sent an email? How rude, it would have been better if he came here and personally apologized.” they were both in Tony’s car now. Steve was checking the list on his phone again “I’m going to cross out the auction from the list. The next charity event is a gala at the museum; it will take place next Thursday. C’mon Tony” Steve placed his hands in Tony’s shoulder “I’m sure we’ll find him there.” The one thing Steve was not planning to lose was hope.

Tony gave Steve a weak smile “You are going to be the bankruptcy of me, Rogers.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

The day of the gala came sooner than expected, it was extremely elegant. Both Steve and Tony were wearing black suits and ties, two days before, Tony had called the museum to make sure they included him in the list of VIP guests. When they arrived at the museum, people were already waiting for Tony Stark. This time, the gala was meant to donate the money raised to help people with AIDS. Steve and Tony followed the same plan, they split up, Tony made the chatting with others or some shit like that, while Steve searched for James. It was a fancy event, Steve was sure James would be here tonight. When he checked the tables and the names of the guests placed there, James’s name was in one of them.

Steve and Tony seated on a table next to the one where James was supposed to be. The gala started, Steve wasn’t paying attention to any of it, he simply waited for James to arrive. But James never did.

At the end of the gala Steve told Tony the same thing, that they would try on the next event and that he was not going to lose hope. Steve also found out that Tony was starting to like the charity events, even though he wouldn’t admit it himself. At the gala, Tony donated some money to help the foundation, Steve never asked him to spend money, when he asked Tony why had he donated he simply shrugged.

“I don’t know” Tony said “AIDS is not a disease that can be easily treated, one of my friends died because of it. And when I was younger my dad was always telling me that I would get AIDS if I dated too many girls.” Steve laughed at the last comment.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

“What is that supposed to be?” Clint asked as he looked at the painting hanging on the wall. Steve, Clint and Natasha were at Tony’s apartment, Tony invited them to spend some time together, and besides, Clint and Natasha were excited to know if Steve had found James Barnes already and if he was helping Steve with his novel.

“It’s a cat, now stop looking at it. You’re going to make the colors fall if you keep staring in that way.” Tony said. The painting was the one he had bought at the auction he and Steve attended to find James.

“Looks like a blonde lynx to me, or a very weird tiger without stripes.” Natasha joined the conversation, the painting hanged in the wall where Tony had other pictures too. The cat’s painting just didn’t belong there, next to the other masterpieces. Steve was sitting in the couch, staring at his phone. He checked the list again, there were only two more events to go. Two more charity events in which he could find James Barnes, if Steve didn’t find him soon, his novel would be a flop. Since he changed his mind about getting professional help with the romantic comedy novel, Steve had stopped writing it, he was sure he would find James, but it was taking too much time, time he could be using to write the book and finish it soon.

“You seem troubled.” Clint said as he sat in the couch with Steve “Looks like your search for James Barnes has been more difficult than expected.” Steve sighed, Clint and Natasha thought he had already found James, but when Steve told them the news all they could say was ‘ _Oh’_

“Feels like an impossible mission to find this guy, I was lucky enough to meet him in the party.” Steve responded “but there are still two events, I’m sure we’ll find him there.”

“That is what you said last time we went to a charity event, and you said that last last time we went. You have said the same thing in all the five events we have attended.” Tony said, then he pulled a chair to sit down facing the couch where Steve and Clint were.

Steve knew Tony hadn’t said that trying to hurt his feelings or something like that, but it was true. They had attended five charity events already and there were no signs of James Barnes. The auction, the first event, then the gala, after that, they both went to a World Market Event at the park. Few people attended, Steve thought that would make it easier to spot James, but turns out he wasn’t there either and that the few people who attended were of different nationalities.

‘ _It’s a World Market Event, you’re supposed to meet persons of different countries.’_ Steve said to Tony that day, the funds raised were donated to refugees of countries in war that lived in the city.

The following two events were meant to help the environment and its animals: the “Tree Planting Party” and the “Animal De-Stress day”. The planting party consisted of planting trees to help the environment, no money was required, only help to have more trees in the city. Tony said that wasn’t a charity event, it was community service because at the end of the day both he and Steve were extremely dirty, Tony had sand and mud in his hair while Steve had leaves and mud in his face. How did they found out James was not there? At the end of the event, the organizer mentioned all the names of the contributors and thanked them, no Barnes was mentioned.

The Animal day was less complicated but more crowded, again no money was required. People spend time with pets of the shelter; the purpose of the event was to find a home for all the animals. James was not there, but something good happened at the end of the day: Tony adopted a white husky puppy and gave it as a present to Pepper.

“But haven’t you noticed all the good things that are happening to you, Tony?” Natasha said as she sat in the couch’s arm, she was holding a magazine and started reading an article out loud for the others to listen “ ‘ _It seems that Tony Stark’s heart is as big as his fortune. The owner of Stark Industries has been spotted at all the charity events that the city organizes, not only spotted, but most of the money donated for each event has his name on it…’_ “  Natasha continued reading the article, it talked about how impressive it was to see Tony at this events when he had never attended any of them before, when she finished, Clint laughed.

“And people believe what those morons write. Now they think you are a saint and it’s all thanks to Steve.” Clint said.

“It’s true Tony, it seems that helping Steve has also helped you in many ways: you bought a terrible painting and started to appreciate art, learned interesting stuff at a museum, planted trees and” Natasha said, Steve saw there was something between her feet: it was the dog Tony had adopted in the last event they went ,“You made your girlfriend happy by giving her a pet.” Natasha grabbed the puppy and started caressing its head. “It’s strange because most of the time boyfriends give their girlfriends flowers, not dogs.”

“A flower will never make Pepper happy, not as happy as that puppy makes her. Right, Friday?” Tony was speaking with the dog, whose name was Friday, and she seemed to understand because she barked at Tony when he mentioned her name.

“Not to mention that you made a new friend at the World Market Event. What was his name?” Steve said joining the conversation. He remembered Tony said that he wasn’t talking with anyone there and that he was not going to eat the strange food people offered. “You also ate burritos that day, but you said they will never be as good as schwarma.”

“Steve, I said that they are both great and equally good. And turns out that the guy I met, Luis, knows many things about tech, things none of you know.” Everyone started laughing.

“When is the next event?” Clint asked.

“According to the list, it’s tomorrow apparently it’s a breakfast at a hotel. Funds raised will be given to an organization that helps homeless persons.” Steve said as he read the info in his phone.

“Could it be the organization that helps hobos and stuff?” Natasha asked

“Probably.” Steve answered, there was a moment of silence until Clint asked an important question.

“Do you think Barnes will be there?”

“Something tells me he will, nobody wants to miss the most important meal of the day, right?” Steve said sarcastically.

“He better be there, that guy has attended every fucking event and the moment we decide to start looking for him he vanishes like a shadow.” Tony said.

“If you find him, you’ll finish your novel, Steve . And if you don’t” Natasha said as she turned around to look at Tony “at least you’ll eat a nice breakfast.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

The breakfast event was early in the morning; Steve had some trouble waking Tony in the morning. He called him several times to ask him if he was ready, after many efforts Tony finally decided to attend the breakfast at the hotel. The event took place at a hotel of the city, when Steve and Tony arrived they were greeted by the organizer of the event and some members of the press, they immediately started asking questions to Tony. Steve left Tony with the journalists and began looking for James, he had no success because this time there was no list of guests and there was no V.I.P section to check if James was included in one of the tables. Steve was desperate now; he had no one to ask if James was here today.

The breakfast began, Steve and Tony sat in one of the tables in the center, Tony was beginning to enjoy the event. Tony chatted with the man who was sitting next to him, Steve could not tell Tony that James was not here, he didn’t want to ruin the moment.

“I thinks it’s time.” the man sitting next to Tony said. Tony sighed “Oh, no. You don’t have to this, Oscar.”

But before Tony finished talking, the man was already standing up, he went to the front part and grabbed a microphone. He was probably going to make an announcement.

“Good morning” the man, whose name was Oscar apparently, started speaking in the microphone “As the organizer of this event, I want to thank everyone who is here today, your presence is very important. But there is one man here, who has called my attention, a man all of us thought was greedy and cocky. But turns out, he is one of the most charitable persons I’ve ever met. He is Tony Stark, let’s hear it for him.” Everyone in the room started clapping; even Steve. Tony was smiling; the man with the microphone, Oscar, handed the microphone to Tony who was now standing up. Tony started speaking but Steve was not paying attention to his speech.

“But I must be honest with all of you.” Tony continued his speech, he had now moved to the front where everyone could see him “There is always something that tells you that you need to help others. In my case, this something is actually a someone, I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for my friend Steve Rogers, he was the one who transmitted that spirit of charity to me. Come here, man.” Steve’s eyes widened, what was Tony doing?  Steve had no choice but to join Tony in the center of the room while everyone clapped. They were both smiling as they stared to the crowd of persons.

And there he was. James Barnes was in the back of the room looking at Steve and Tony. Steve’s smile grew bigger when he noticed that James was also clapping. After the speech was over and the breakfast was served to every person, Steve decided to go to the garden that was near the room. James Barnes was here today, the only thing he had to do now was to talk to him, but how? He could not start by saying ‘Hi, James Barnes. I need your help to write a fucking romantic comedy’. Steve needed a moment to think, but his thoughts were interrupted by a voice.

“Are you developing a social experiment of your own? Because I would love to be part of it.” James Barnes was walking toward Steve as he said those words. He looked different this time, it was probably because of the suit he was wearing, which was semiformal.

“Is it obvious?” Steve tried to sound cool as he responded.

James smiled “You have attended to the last charity events of Manhattan, so I would say it’s pretty obvious. It’s good to see you again, Steve.” James said as they shook hands.

_Steve? But how does he…_ Steve then remembered that Tony had mentioned his name during his speech. “Yeah, at least we can now meet as normal persons would, right James?”

“How do you know my name? I didn’t mention it at the party, or did I?” James seemed a little suspicious.

“Oh, I’ve read your books James. They are very good.”  _And I’ve been looking for you for a month_ Steve thought.

James smiled “Thanks, Steve. Never thought that someone still reads the crap I write, but it’s good to know that you appreciate it.”

Steve only stared at him in confusion, what was he talking about? James Barnes was a great author, how could he say such things about his books? “They are not crap, James. Many people like them; I still don’t understand why you’ve stopped writing books.”

The last part seemed to trigger something in James because his expression changed completely “And they like them so much they decide to steal your ideas. I’m going to share something with you, Steve. Ever since we met at Stark’s party you seemed to trust in anyone, even a stranger who told you to make something stupid.” James chuckled “Come with me.” Steve followed James to the lobby of the hotel, which was empty because everyone else was at the dinning room or the garden. They sat down in a couch, James looked in every direction to make sure they were alone; he finally stopped to stare at Steve, who was anxious to know why they were here in first place. “Many people have asked me the same question you did, ‘why did you stop writing’ and I haven’t answered to none of them. But you seem different, not because you attend to every charity event of the city.” Steve laughed at that last part, he had gone to every event because of him but he couldn’t tell him that. “I trust you, Steve. I know we’ve only know each other for a few time, but I feel like I can be honest with you.”

  Steve was paying attention to every word James said, how could it be possible that he was going to tell something personal to a man he barely knew? What could make Steve so special? “I was writing a book, it was a sci-fi adventure and I was planning to publish it last month. It would have been nice, I thought, because it was a good story and all, I spent many time and effort writting it.” James smiled to himself, then he sighed and that warm smile was vanished.

“But?” Steve interrupted, he was very interested to know the real reason why he had quit as an author

“But I was stupid, Steve. I was stupid enough to share my ideas with other. Ever heard about Alexander Pierce?” James asked.

Steve nodded “Well, who hasn’t heard about him?” Steve said, apparently James didn’t like the comment because he rolled his eyes, which seemed to match with the color the sky had that day, a pale blue, the wind howled and made everything felt chilly. “Yes Steve, Alexander fucking Pierce.”

_Why do James Barnes hates Pierce?_ Steve thought.

Alexander Pierce started working in SHIELD some months ago, Steve had seen him once or twice before in the halls, everyone was impressed when he said he was going to publish a book. Pierce had barely one month working for SHIELD, and he already was publishing a book. Sam thought it would be unfair not to give the man a chance to publish his story, but everyone else (including Steve) thought that novel would be a complete flop, a failure. How wrong they were, three weeks after publishing his sci-fi book, Pierce became a best-selling author in New York, Sam even gave him a better place at SHIELD. Steve didn’t care about Pierce to be honest, he was too busy with the romantic comedy to pay attention to what Pierce was doing.

“What about him?” Steve asked James, who ran his fingers through his long brown hair.

“Pierce stole my book, everything he wrote in his fucking novel is mine. I was dumb enough to tell him everything about what I was writing, but he was smart and fast to write the story first. Then I went to SHIELD and tried to tell them that Pierce’s book is actually mine, that he had made plagiarism. I even had proof, I showed them the computer where I began typing the novel, but they thought I was the one who was plagiarizing Pierce’s book. Those assholes of SHIELD didn’t believe me, just when I wanted to be a writer again, Pierce came pretending to be my friend and he ruined part of my life, just when I thought I could be happy being an author again.”

Steve never thought Pierce would do such a thing, but most important, he was now thinking that James will never help him after all what he confessed. Steve was still not sure, he was not planning to give up in his plan. “But not every author is like Pierce, who knows there are many out there who admire you.” _Like me,_ but that was partly true because Steve was only looking James for help, not for admiration.

“I don’t believe that anymore, Steve.” James said coldly “Nowadays authors simply write for fame and money, not because they love literature or because they want to express their feelings through books. I learned that from Pierce. And Steve, I swear that if I ever meet another author again.” James stopped, apparently regretting what he just said “I hate Pierce, I hate SHIELD, honestly I might start hating books now.” James said all of this with a voice so cold, it seemed he was threatening to kill someone.

Steve only stared at him, his eyes were wide open. After what James just said, Steve’s plan was beginning to sink slowly, of course his plan didn’t include using James and taking credit for his work, but James would see it that way no matter what Steve thought. Being an author was equal to win James Barnes’ hate for a lifetime. Steve had to think of other plan, he was an author for fuck’s sake! Inventing things was supposed to be easy for him, but it wasn’t because Steve was one of the most honest persons ever, lying just seemed wrong.

“Steve?” James snapped his fingers together making a sound that would bring Steve back to reality. His bad habit of getting lost in thoughts was back again.

“I’m sorry, what?” Steve pretended he paid attention to what James had said.

“I was telling you that I was talking with Stark earlier, he said you had something important to tell me.”

Steve felt like if he were just about to faint, like if all the color from his face would fall off. Why had Tony done that? Steve was now thinking about what to tell James to get help with his book, but he couldn’t mention that he is an author or that he works for SHIELD. James would immediately snap back with an insult or worse, he would stand up and abandon Steve, he would probably tell him to go fuck himself. All the things Steve imagined James was capable of doing; he had to answer back quickly.

“Uh, yes I need your help. See, I am a…” _author, SHIELD employee_ Steve wanted to be honest with James so bad, but that meant losing his chance for help “Journalist. And I want to make a special report about you and your life. Our readers are interested to know about you and what you do for a living.” _Okay, that was not bad_ a journalist cover seemed like a good idea.

James raised one of his eyebrows and placed his hands over his mouth, almost as if he were thinking to believe what Steve just said. “A journalist?” Steve nodded “Where do you work?” The first word that wanted to escape Steve’s mouth was _SHIELD_ but he needed to continue with the story of the journalist

“It’s a new magazine, and we thought that getting an interview with James Barnes would call people’s attention.” Steve smiled, but his smile was faker than a six dollar bill. James believed the story because he started to laugh “I doubt people want to read about me, but I guess I can help you and if we spend some time together; maybe you’ll have the perfect information for your report. I’ll tell you everything you need to know for the report, but I need you to help me with something first.”

Steve was about to start cheering, a journalist could get the same information an author could to finish the stupid romantic comedy. His plan was starting to work after all, but all because he lied about whom he was. Steve listened carefully to what James was going to say “It has called my attention, that you like to assist to charity events, and your friend Tony of course. The last charity event of the season is mine, I’m the organizer. The school were I gave classes needs some financial help, and I think a marathon will help them to raise funds. It’s fun and healthy; I was hoping to see you at the event, you’ll be my guest of honor, my partner, my friend. What do you say?”

Steve’s reputation of a charitable spirit was now very well known. James wanted Steve to be at the marathon, to be his guest. That was the perfect occasion to get some help from James, Steve could tell him that he needed information about romance and comedy for the report and James would give it to him. Steve noticed James was anxiously waiting for his response. “A marathon? Sure, I’ll be there.”

“Great.” James clasped his hands together “With your physical condition I’m pretty sure you’ll win, but most important you’ll help the school. Bring your friend Stark, if you want to, but I’m not sure if likes the idea of running.”

“Yeah, I really doubt he would like it, James.” Steve said, he looked at James’ smile, he was glad that Steve was coming to the marathon.

“And Steve? Only strangers call me ‘James’. We’re friends, now. You can call me Bucky.” Then he sighed and took a look at his watch “Damn it, I need to go. I still have many things to organize for the marathon. I’m happy you’ll be going Steve.”

“Bucky? But why-“

Bucky chuckled “Everyone asks me, its because of my second name, ‘Buchanan’” Bucky said making quotations marks with his hands as he pronounced the name “Honestly what kind of person names their kid ‘Buchanan’?” Bucky sighed “Thanks, mom.”

Steve smiled “I guess I’ll see you later, Bucky.” Bucky was still smiling when he rose from the couch; he placed his hands in the pockets of his pants and slowly walked away. Steve sat there and started making a mental summary about what had just happened: he met James Barnes (who had now introduced himself as Bucky Barnes), he lied to Bucky to get his help, he said he would help, Bucky invited Steve to a marathon he was organizing. And last, but not least, Steve and Bucky were now friends. Steve still wondered why he was such a likeable person, and the trust Bucky had given him since the moment they met at the party.

Steve stayed in the hotel’s lobby until the event was over, Tony was walking out of the dining room with a huge grin on his face. He probably knew that Steve had finally found Bucky “I saw you and Barnes from the other room, seems like your stupid plan worked after all.” Steve stared at the ceiling, if only Tony knew that he had lied to Bucky to get his help.

“We both won today Steve, you found Barnes after a pursuit more complicated than the ones in _Taken._ And I ate an extraordinary breakfast with delicious pancakes, not as great as the ones Pepper makes though.” Tony chuckled, then he noticed that Steve was not even looking at him. “You okay? What happened?”

“Tony I am going to be honest with you.” Steve said as he finally looked at Tony “I have no idea what just happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check the piece of art Tony bought here


	4. Lesson Zero

Apparently everyone wanted to go to the marathon, ads were all over the city’s lamps inviting people to assist. The school desperately needed help, Steve wondered why was Bucky Barnes helping the school. He had been a teacher there, but not all teachers would organize a massive event to help schools.

Steve admired Bucky for that, the man used his fame for something good. He was not someone cocky, like Pierce for example. The day of the marathon arrived sooner than expected, and during that time the only thing Steve had been thinking was how to convince Bucky to tell him all what he needed to know about how to write a romantic comedy book. _Just follow the journalist cover_ Steve told himself, he could tell Bucky that the readers of the magazine wanted to know where did he got this inspiration to write about romance and what advices could he give to persons that wanted to learn how to be romantic. He even wrote every question in his phone before going to the marathon, Steve wore a sport t-shirt with some sport pants that matched perfectly, in his bag he carried a bottle of water, a hoodie, a towel and his phone. All the questions he wanted to ask Bucky were there.

When he arrived to the park everything was already settled and everyone was ready to start running. The first thing Steve had to do was to find Bucky, and this time was not very complicated since he was the host of the event and was greeting everyone at the entrance. Bucky’s eyes shinned the moment he saw Steve.

“Steve, my friend you’re here!” Bucky embraced Steve, that caught him off ward because he was just expecting a normal greeting like the one he had given to the rest of the persons, to make the moment less awkward, Steve returned the hug.

“I promised I would be here.”

“I thought your friend Tony was coming too.” Bucky looked a little disappointed as he said this, Tony’s help would have been great for the school. Steve told Tony about the event, but the moment Tony found out that the event implied running, or ‘unnecessary physical activity’ Tony said _“I hate running, and I am not wasting my Sunday morning doing something I hate.”_. Steve was relieved, partly, because if Tony had agreed to come with him, the fake story of the journalist would have been discovered easily. Bucky was still looking at Steve, wondering why Tony Stark was not the event, Steve couldn’t tell Bucky that he had declined coming to the event because he hated running, instead Steve simply said “Tony and his girlfriend had an important meeting today, but he sends his most sincere apologies for not being here today.”  That wasn’t a lie, Tony and Pepper were probably enjoying their vacations right now and Tony had clearly said _‘Tell Barnes I said hi’._

“Too bad he couldn’t make it, but I got you.” Bucky smiled, he seemed tired, organizing an event was not that easy. How many calls had this man made to make this marathon possible? Steve smiled at the comment Bucky made, the man needed him and it was noticeable that he put all his effort in this marathon. “All right, since my guest arrived already. I think we should get started. Y’all follow me please.”

Steve was right behind Bucky, any moment he had alone with him could be useful to ask the questions about the book. Bucky led all of the runners to the center of the park, a small girl approached him and handed him a speaker. Bucky bent his knees to be closer to the girl and hugged her. The crowd said ‘aw’ in response to the gesture, with the speaker in his hands, Bucky started talking. He thanked everyone for their presence at the marathon; he said how much this school means to him since it was the place where he had obtained his first job ever. Steve paid attention to everything Bucky said, Bucky knew how to use words even if he were just explaining the most simple thing, he didn’t skip any detail and every person there was marveled with Bucky, they all knew he had been a famous writer once, but having him in front of them giving words of thanks was just unbelievable.

 “And just like President Kennedy said ‘We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.’ You’re making a difference in these children’s lives and I am very thankful for that. Now, I’ll explain the track of the marathon, the park is quite big for all of us, so I decided to make this a little more fun and complicated. The first stage of the run consists in five laps around the center of the park. Over there” Bucky pointed to the place where they were supposed to make the five laps “After that comes the fun part, when you’ve completed the laps there is an obstacle course. And finally, the last track consists in running in a straight line, approximately 300m until the finish line. The one who gets there first, wins. As well as the ones who get there second and third.” People laughed at the last comment “I hope you have fun, but before getting started we’ll make some warm up exercises. I don’t want anybody to get hurt, I’ll direct the warm up routine with the help of my friend Steve Rogers.”

_Wait, what?_ Steve’s eyes almost popped out of his face, first what kind of marathon was this? Doesn’t a marathon only includes running in silence? Now Bucky was asking him to make a warm up routine in front of all this persons. Bucky was making signals to Steve, he followed him and now they were in the front getting ready for the routine.

“This should be easy for you, I bet you make exercise every day.” Bucky said to Steve as he placed one of his hands in the back of Steve. Steve gave a little jump at that small gesture. But Bucky was right, Steve had a routine he had followed since he was a teen, and nowadays his body was well defined and in an excellent shape

“I do make exercise, Bucky. But I am not sure if all this persons will be able to do the things I do.” Steve said proudly as he smiled.

Bucky opened his mouth and raised one of his eyebrows “Oh really? Well, then we will mix some of the exercises in your routine and some of mine.” Steve didn’t knew Bucky exercised until he took his sweatshirt and was left only with a long sleeve blue sports shirt. Bucky had a muscular body, just like Steve, well defined arms and long strong legs. Steve was surprised, he never thought such a busy person like Bucky would have time to work out. Steve stared at Bucky a little longer until he noticed he was being observed

“Do you find this distracting?” Bucky said sarcastically and then placed his hand in Steve’s shoulder

“Shut up.” Steve said with a huge grin in his face, Bucky tilted his head backwards as he laughed, they both were getting along so easily that Steve felt he knew this man already.

“Okay everybody” Steve said as he clapped his hands together “Let’s get started.” and with that the warm up routine started. Steve told everyone to group in form of a circle, then he started with some basic stretching exercises, Bucky was the first to follow and then everyone was doing the same thing. Steve indicated everyone how to stretch their legs, and arms correctly, then he sped up the intensity of the exercises. Steve was still surprised, Bucky could easily follow him and didn’t get tired. After some intense stretching exercises, Bucky was next to instruct the runners. He indicated everyone how to make some high knees exercises and some jumps to heat the body, Steve followed and continued with his routine then. After more warm up movements, they left the runners to continue, they both supervised and helped the ones who were having some trouble with the intense routine they both created. Bucky helped the teens and men, while Steve helped the women. Steve noticed that everyone liked Bucky, that maybe he was the one who liked him the most among all the persons in the park. He smiled to himself at that last thought, after all Bucky and he were now friends.

When the routine was over, the race started. Steve was the leader the first three laps, Bucky followed him closely behind. It never crossed Steve’s mind to win the race, he wasn’t someone competitive, but he noticed Bucky was competitive and he decided to give him a challenge. In the fourth lap, Bucky sped up and was now the leader, at the end of the fifth lap Bucky thought he would be the first to reach the obstacle course, but he was caught off ward when Steve ran faster and became the leader.

“On your left” Steve said as he passed beside Bucky, he was laughing when he saw the expression of surprise Bucky had on his face. _I bet he didn’t see that coming_ Steve said to himself, he was the first to reach the obstacle course. Typical obstacles: tires, poles and cones. Steve had done this before, he easily passed all of the obstacles. He looked behind and saw that Bucky was still following him.

“Too slow!” Steve shouted so Bucky could hear him, Bucky smiled and stick his tongue out to Steve making a gesture of derision to Steve, who was starting to love to teasing Bucky. After more obstacles, Steve reached a true challenge: a climbing wall, it was not very high but he had to climb it if he wanted to get to the final part of the race. Steve stopped to think too much, because when he stared at the wall again, Bucky was the first climbing it, the rest of the runners were climbing now. Steve needed to hurry, he climbed the wall carefully until he reached the other side, Bucky was already running, but Steve was fast enough to keep up with him. Steve took advantage when Bucky slowed down and again, he was the leader until a voice came on his right side.

“On your right” Bucky said as he was at Steve’s side, he winked to him and took the lead, just when Bucky thought he would win, Steve increased his speed and  got to the finish line first, the people at the end cheered and clapped. He turned around to see Bucky was the second place, then other three runners reached the finish line and they were all tired.

“Are you a professional runner or some shit like that? Why didn’t you represent us in last year’s Olympic games?” Bucky said as he gasped for air, his cheeks were pink, flushed with fatigue. Steve’s breathing was fast, he could feel every beat of his heart.

“Being a professional athlete has never been in my list. You’re a great runner too.” Steve said as he offered his hand to Bucky, who understood the friendly gesture and accepted it. Bucky’s hands were warm and soft, probably from the run. They were holding hands until Bucky said “That was fun, but now I need to give the prize to our winners.”

“You’re going to give a prize to yourself? That is pretty lame.” Steve said laughing, then he friendly hit him in the shoulder.

Bucky smiled “Oh, you thought I was participating? No, I was simply doing it for fun. It would have been senseless to participate and keep the money I am trying to donate. I am just an incentive, to motivate people to participate. If it had been a real competence I would have easily beaten you, punk.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Steve said sarcastically, again. With Bucky he felt very comfortable being this sassy.

“C’mon, you need to receive your award.”

Steve couldn’t believe it, even if he had reached the finish line in second place, Bucky would have given him the first place prize because he was not participating. Bucky had made the effort of running just to motivate people, that school must mean the world to him.

The winners lined up to receive their award, the first place (Steve) won a nice quantity of money, the second and third place obtained money too but in a lower amount. When Steve and the other winners received their prizes, the little girl that appeared at the beginning was back and this time he gave Bucky the speaker and a bottle of water. He started thanking everyone (again) and at the end each runner received a thank you note that was written and nicely decorated by the students of the school. The small girl that was next to Bucky approached Steve and shyly gave him a pink envelope, when Steve unwrap it there was a note in a purple paper that said _‘Thank you, Mr. Rogers’._ Steve was surprised, how did the little girl knew his name? But before he could ask her, the little girl ran away and hugged Bucky, he immediately returned the hug and picked her up, they were both walking towards Steve now.

“I did it! I gave him the letter like you told me.” The little girl was bouncing with excitement as she said those words.

“And I bet Steve loved it, right?” Bucky was staring at Steve.

“Of course I did, young lady.” Steve smiled and the little girl laughed, then Bucky kissed her head and put her down. The girl ran towards a woman who was standing at the entrance of the park. Steve wondered if that young woman was Bucky’s wife, and that girl must be his daughter. That made things a little more complicated because that meant that spending time with Bucky to get answers to his questions was almost impossible. He was the man of the house, and he had priorities than spending time with Steve to talk about romantic comedies.

“Your daughter is a lovely girl.” Steve said politely.

“Aria? Oh no.” Bucky laughed “She is not my daughter, she’s my niece. My younger sister Rebecca” Bucky pointed to the woman who was now playing with Aria “They moved to the city a couple of months ago, and Aria currently assists to the school we just helped, I asked her to write you the letter personally. One of the smartest girls in her kindergarten class.”

“Thanks, that was nice. You must be proud of her.”

“They are the only family I have.” Bucky said in a sad tone. Steve realized they had something in common, few relatives. In fact, the only person Steve had was his mom, but she was gone and that left him with zero family in the world, at least he had friends who loved him.

After a moment of silence, Steve realized that the event was over and that Bucky would be gone soon, he had to ask the questions but not here.

“Hey Bucky, what are you going to do now? I mean, the event is over. Are you heading home?” Steve prayed that he answered no.

“No, I wanted to hang out in the park a little longer. Why? Do you have something in mind?” Bucky answered, a small smile was beginning to form in the corner of his lips.

“Perfect, I was just wondering if you had time for a coffee. I know a place that is near.”

Bucky smiled “Sure.” In a cafeteria, sitting alone, that was the perfect place to ask the questions and then go home to finish the damn romantic comedy book.

Together they left the park, Steve wondered if Bucky had to organize something else or to clean the park or something, but instead Bucky said “Nah, now it is up to the school to count the funds raised and the cleanup part. That was the only condition they told me, to organize the event and that they would do the rest.”

Steve and Bucky took the subway; the cafeteria, ‘Le Café Coffee’  was just a few steps from the station. On their way, Steve talked about how much fun he had at the event and Bucky kept asking questions about his workout routine and that he should consider becoming a professional athlete. Finally they arrived to the cafeteria, the place where Steve had met Tony, the place where Steve had written the books people had loved the most (especially Sam). Somehow things were always good when Steve came to this place; he hoped that getting Bucky’s help with book would be one of those good things.

As they paid for their coffees, black for Bucky and a with cream for Steve, Bucky insisted that he would pay for his coffee but Steve said that he wanted to spend the money he just won correctly. After all, it was thanks to Bucky that he had won the money. They sat down in the same table Steve had sat the day he drew Tony’s building in a napkin. They chatted more about the marathon and Steve decided to ask Bucky why that school was so special to him.

“I obtained my first job there as a literature teacher and besides I attended that school when I was a little kid from Brooklyn. Now Aria studies there and Rebecca is the history teacher.”

Steve didn’t know the school was that old. Bucky had learned there and his niece would learn there too. They kept talking, until Steve remembered the real reason he had brought Bucky here: the questions.

“Bucky can I ask you something?”

“After all the teasing you made to me in the morning I guess you can ask me anything.” Bucky took another sip from his coffee.

Steve sighed, he had to do this as if he were a professional journalist. He took the phone from his pocket the questions were there “Bucky, remember when I said that I have to make a report about you? I was wondering if we could start now.”

“Hmmm, I guess we can. I promised I would help you.” Bucky sat correctly on the chair, almost as if he were ready to answer all what Steve was about to ask him. Steve smiled and read the questions from his phone, he tried to ask them in a way that Bucky would understand them easily. The questions were very disguised, what Steve was trying to get were not answers but advices about how to write about romance. In some questions Bucky extended his answers but that was good, each detail could be useful to know his secrets. Steve didn’t include personal questions, though. He disliked personal questions and assumed that Bucky would dislike them too. After 40 minutes of questions and answers, Steve finally reached a question he considered extremely important

“And finally to end the interview the last question: what inspires you?” Steve knew this questions would be important, maybe the thing that inspires Bucky would inspire him too. He patiently waited for Bucky’s answer but instead Bucky took a deep breath and placed his hand over his mouth, thinking what to respond

“Do you want me to be honest with you? I have no idea.” He laughed and then said “What about you, Steve? What inspires you?” Steve knew that was a difficult question to answer, not because Bucky was the first person to ask it but because nothing really inspired him. When he wrote the inspiration always came from different things, not from one specif.

“I guess I’ll have to agree with you. No idea.” Bucky smiled, after all Bucky had believed Steve was a journalist but to make the cover even more real Steve asked Bucky if he could take a picture for the report. Bucky raised one of his eyebrows but finally agreed, with his phone Steve took a simple picture. Of course he didn’t need the photo, but he had to pretend to be a journalist.

“Thank you for doing this, Bucky. I bet the editors will be happy with this report, is the best I’ve seen so far.”

“I don’t think so, there are tons of famous persons in New York City. I am still surprised the magazine chose me. What is the name of the magazine by the way?”

Steve had to think fast, a name that sounded cool and new. It had to be something marvelous. “It’s called PRO Posts.” Steve smiled falsely; he hoped Bucky believed what he just said.

“PRO Posts? It is a new magazine? Because I had never heard of it in my life.”

It was getting late and Steve had to run to start working in the book, the info he just had would be extremely useful. Before leaving, he and Bucky exchanged phone numbers and addresses. Steve waited for Bucky to leave the cafeteria first and then he headed home. There was a romantic comedy book waiting for him.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

“You really did that? Of all the persons in the world, I never thought you would be such a liar, Steve. Congrats, you finally learned how to lie.” Clint said as he friendly punched Steve in the shoulder. Clint, Steve and Tony were at Natasha’s apartment; Tony had arrived from his trip with Pepper a few weeks ago and he brought some presents to his friends. Steve was telling Clint and Natasha how he and Bucky Barnes were now friends and that he had answered all the doubts he had about romantic comedy books.

“Couldn’t you choose a name that sounded less stupid? No offense Steve, but ‘PRO Posts’ sounds like a magazine for dopes. “  Tony said laughing, he was laying in the couch as he ate the bowl of popcorn Natasha had made for everyone.

“I must admit that pretending to be a journalist was a great cover. What I don’t understand is why James Barnes trusted you so easily.” Natasha said as she untangled her red hair with her fingers. “And as long as I know, this guy is well known because he is asocial and I still remember how many times he refused to give me an interview. I agree with Clint, you had never lied so much in your life, never thought someone like James Barnes would be your first subject.”

“Hasn’t Steve told you guys that James Barnes introduced himself as Bucky Barnes? I knew that only close persons called him that, you are so close to Bucky Barnes now, aren’t you?” Tony had a grin on his face as he said this.

“Hey, we are just ‘friends.’ ” Steve said making quotation marks in the last word “I don’t think he is asocial, Nat. He was nice to me and everyone at the marathon seemed to like him. And he already answered all of my questions.” Steve said proudly, he watched as Clint borrowed the bowl of popcorn from Tony’s hands.

“The best part about this is that you are now able to finish your novel, right Steve?” Clint said as he stuffed some popcorn in his mouth. What Clint said was partly true, since the ‘interview’ with Bucky, Steve had made a noticeable progress with his novel but only because he changed the plot of the story and the personality of the main character and the one of his lover. Bucky said: ‘ _when writing you need to do it as if you were the main character of the story, write what you would like to see in your future. Write about problems and challenges people struggle with in real life, problems that you would be able to solve. Feel like if you were living the story.’_

But Steve was not feeling the story, he and his main character were completely opposite. He also remembered when Bucky said that the comedy would eventually appear in the problems, he said that there was always a bright side in everything. Bucky called it ‘silver linning’, and that sometimes the comedy could help troubles appear less aggravating. Steve wasn’t feeling, he knew that authors wrote because they felt inspired, he had wrote so many beautiful stories before, but this time it was completely different.

“Are you planning to see him again? I mean, you still have doubts about your story and a little more advice could be helpful.” Tony said.

“Bucky did his part already, now it is up to me to make that story good.”

Tony’s idea was great though, he could call Bucky and tell him that the magazine liked the interview so much, they were asking for a second part. But Steve couldn’t keep lying, there were not ‘black lies’ or ‘white lies’ as Clint had told him once. There were only lies.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

Steve was surprised when he heard someone knocking at his door, who could it be? It was 10:36 p.m. Steve only thought the worst, it could be an emergency, probably one of his friends was in trouble. Could it be Clint? Natasha? Tony? Or all of them? Steve wasted no time and ran to the front door, still thinking the worst scenarios.

“Hey.” Bucky said with a warm voice “Can I come in?”

_‘What is Bucky Barnes doing in my house?’_ Steve's mind was practically shouting.

“Yes, of course.” Steve said, he was astonished. Lucky for Steve, he was wearing the clothes of the morning and not his pajamas. He didn’t care if Tony, Nat or Clint saw him in pajamas, they had seen him a millionth times before and he had seen them in their pajamas too. But this was different, he barely knew enough of Bucky, what would the man say if he saw Steve in pajamas? Steve thanked heaven for not being in such an uncomfortable situation.

“I am sorry if I’m being impolite, Steve. But you told me I could only find you home at night, hope you were not heading to sleep.” Bucky said, Steve had invited him inside and Bucky glanced in every direction, observing every corner of the house.

“No, you are not impolite. I just finished working, I was planning to see a movie later.” Finally Steve said the truth, moments before Bucky arrived he had shut off his computer and was planning to see the movie Tony had recommended him.

“Good.” Bucky said, then he kept staring in awe to each corner of Steve’s home. “You have a nice place here.”

“Thank you.” Steve answered.

"I don’t mean to sound rude, Bucky, but what are you doing here? Are you okay?” Steve was now thinking that the one who was in trouble is Bucky and not his friends. He would try to help him in anything he could.

“Me? Oh no, don’t worry about me. I’m worried about you.”

Steve raised one of his eyebrows. What was Bucky talking about? “Me? Uh, no I am perfectly fine.”

Bucky sighed “Steve your interview is incomplete. I couldn’t answer your last question and I feel terrible about it. But I am here to finally respond it.” Steve was still very confused, then his mind had a throwback to the last question he had asked Bucky in his interview: _‘what inspires you?’._ Steve snapped his fingers, meaning that he remembered what the last question was “The one of the inspiration? It’s okay, Bucky. You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to, you didn’t have to bother coming to my place just to answer it. You could have called me. I don’t want to cause troubles.” Steve felt good saying the truth, he was being honest with Bucky after all the lies he had said.

“Troubles? No, I am the one who is causing you trouble, you won’t be able to give a complete interview to your editors. Your question left me thinking, but I can finally answer it.”

“All right.” Steve said as he grabbed a blue pen and a notebook that were on his desk. He sat on the couch and was ready to write Bucky’s answer. Every detail could be useful. “I’m all ears.” Then Bucky chuckled and Steve stared at him. Had he said something inappropriate?

“I’ll make something better than just answering, I’m taking you there. It’s a cold night, so grab your coat, Steve, and follow me, I’m sure you will-“

Bucky stopped in the middle of his sentence, he was staring at something in the wall, a drawing of the Brooklyn bridge, Bucky started whistling at it like men whistle to pretty girls they see in the streets. “Now this is a master piece, where did you buy it?”

“Actually, I-uh, I drew it.” Steve said proudly he could already feel the warm in his cheeks, meaning he was starting to blush.

“No way, this is perfect.” Bucky kept staring at the drawing, amazed by each delicate line and shadow.

No one had ever stared at Steve’s work like that. “It’s one of my favorite hobbies, I went to art school when I was younger, there are other drawings hanging, you can see them if you want.”

Bucky’s eyes traveled to the rest of the drawings, he saw the drawing of a building, a woman and something that looked like a flower.

“They’re beautiful.” Bucky said honestly.

“Thank you.” Steve replied with a smile in his mouth “Now, where are going because-“

Before Steve could finish, Bucky was already walking through the door making a gesture that indicated Steve to follow him. Steve did as Bucky told him and took the sweater that was hanging in a chair, then he closed the door and followed Bucky. Bucky smiled at him.

“Okay, now what?”

“Trust me; Stevie, it’s a surprise. I know what I’m doing.” Bucky said as he winked at Steve. He smiled when Bucky called him by a nice nickname.

“You’re the boss.” Steve bit his lip, trying to hide the smile that wasin his lips.

“I know.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

“I really don’t want to break that big heart of yours, Bucky. But I know Union Square Park already, I have visited it before. Not very surprising.”

Bucky laughed. After both of them left Steve’s apartment, they had walked to the park that was close to Steve’s place. In the way, Steve kept asking Bucky where were they going and he would simply respond with a shrug or with ‘ _It’s a surprise’_

“I don’t want to show you the park, you dork. I want to show you something else.” Bucky walked into the park, which was still open at this hour of the night. Steve knew every single corner of Union Square Park, usually he and Tony would come here to kill time when they were bored. But as they walked together, Bucky led Steve to a part of the park he never noticed before: a huge tree was at the end, it’s big leaves hanged and moved with the wind. The most interesting part was that there were some benches near of the trunk, they were made of wood. The benches were so close to the tree it seemed they were part of the tree.

Steve stopped to stare at the tree some more, he felt like if his neck were about to crack from looking up.

“You coming or what?” It was Bucky, his voice made an echo thanks to the loneliness that reigned there. Steve and Bucky were the only souls at the park. Bucky was sitting on a bench, the only one that was close to a light pole that was still illuminated. Steve walked towards Bucky, he patted the other side of the bench, inviting Steve to sit with him.

“We walked here only for you to show me a bench? I am still not surprised.”

“You asked me what inspires me. This place inspires me, Steve. The peace, the loneliness it’s very inspiring. In fact, it was here in a moment like this where four years ago I wrote _‘Winter’ “_

_“_ You’ve got to be kidding me.” Steve’s jaw was about to fall to the floor. Bucky had taken him to the place where he wrote one of his favorites novels. Steve’s smile was huge as he remembered all the good times he had while reading that book. Times were he was the happiest man in the world.

“I am not kidding, check it out.” Bucky said, he took his phone out of his pocket and showed Steve the notes of his phone. There was only one: the date was exactly four years ago, 11:18 p.m., the same hour Steve read in the phone’s main screen. As he started reading the note, he realized it was the first chapter of ‘ _Winter’._ Steve placed both of his hands over his mouth, he still couldn’t believe it.

“I come here whenever I need time for myself, whenever I feel like doing something for myself. Writing that book is one of the best things I’ve done, for me and for the many persons that have read it.”

“Bucky, this is… amazing.” Steve stared at Bucky, the blue of his eyes shimmered with the light of the pole. “This is what I needed, thanks.”

“No problem.”

As they walked towards the exit of the park, Steve realized that Bucky had shared with him something truly special. Somehow, this place also inspired Steve to write, it inspired him to make something good for himself, something that would make him happy. He had to write that book using happiness, he had to write that book because he wanted to make himself smile and to be proud of what he created. Steve understood that you need to love yourself and the things you do before loving others.

They walked in silence, until Steve decided to make the moment less tense and uncomfortable.

“You are good at writing and at hiding surprises. But I bet there is something I am better at.” Steve said as he smiled to Bucky.

“And what would that be?” Bucky crossed his arms, he felt a challenging tone in Steve’s voice.

“I bet I can go higher in the swings.” Steve said as he pointed to the swings that were close to them.

“You really want to do this?” Bucky told Steve.

“You are giving up already? Afraid to lose?”

Bucky tilted his head backwards saying ‘uuugghhh’. Then he started to run towards the swings and sat on the grey one, Steve followed him and sat on the blue swing. They started moving and made the swings go very high. It was good they were both alone; Steve was having fun and Bucky laughed every time the swings went down, and besides what would people say if they saw two grown up men having fun at the park?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: many years ago there was a magazine called "PRO" , it wasn't very popular because it was a magazine about bathrooms.


	5. The Deep Stuff

Three days later, as Steve was sitting in front of his computer screen writing his book, he realized that for the first time since he agreed to write the romantic comedy, he was enjoying the story. Since he changed the plot of the story he liked it even more.

Bucky had visited him yesterday and invited him to the park again, this time he wanted Steve to see how different it was when it was crowded and full of distractions and noises.

 _‘How are you supposed to have a good time with your friend if everyone here is either running or shouting?’_  Bucky had said.

_‘We’re friends now?’ Steve teased him._

_‘Hey, we became friends since we met at Stark’s party’_

Since Bucky told him to imagine himself as the character, Steve had changed the character’s personality to make it similar to him. Since Bucky told him to write about problems real life people struggled with, the plot seemed to be writing itself. Since Bucky told him to write to make himself happy, Steve had finally started to believe that everyone liked what he wrote.

Since Bucky taught him to see life from a different perspective, Steve was happy. That was the ultimate proof that they were now officially friends. Still, Steve couldn’t believe Bucky had made him happy because he had lied, it was not fair. Steve had to tell Bucky the truth but that would mean to lose his friendship with him, he started to think how happy he was now and how he wanted it to be that way forever. But the fact that all this happiness was built upon lies made Steve’s heart ache, if one of them deserved to be happy that was Bucky. Steve decided he would tell the truth to Bucky, not now but someday in the future. Perhaps Bucky would forgive him or perhaps he would walk away just like Peggy did.

He reread what he had written, Steve felt like if he were writing the best book in the world. How could he thank Bucky?

Steve remembered Tony had given him two tickets to see a play in the Daryl Roth Theatre. During the ‘interview’ Bucky had mentioned that one of his favorite hobbies included watching plays. Steve picked his phone and started looking for Bucky’s name in the contacts list but he couldn't find it. He then remembered that he had saved Bucky’s number as ‘James Barnes’. Steve changed the contact’s name to ‘Bucky’, James Barnes was the name of the man who had written one of his favorite books, but Bucky Barnes was the name of his friend. He tapped the name and started to write a message.

_Hey, friend_

After a few minutes Steve checked his phone again. Bucky was typing.

_What’s up, pal?_

Steve had to find the right words to invite Bucky to the theater.

_Everything is okay, what about you?_

_I’m good._

_Hey Bucky, I was wondering if you were busy Tuesday night_

_Nope, I am not. Why?_

_Great. I have tickets to see a play in the Daryl Roth Theatre, and since one of your favorite hobbies is watching plays I was wondering if you would like to come._

Steve’s heart was beating fast; he patiently waited for Bucky’s answer. He hoped Bucky would not decline the offer.

_Sounds like a good plan to me. This isn’t part of the interview, right?_

Steve quickly wrote back.

_No, it isn’t. C’mon Bucky, can’t we do normal things friends do?_

_There is nothing normal about us, Steve. But since we are friends I guess we can try to do normal things._

_Shut up. See you at the theater at 8: 00 p.m.?_

_You’re so bossy, ugh, I’ll be there, ;p_

And with that message the conversation ended, Steve hadn’t felt so nervous before, except for the first time he had asked Peggy out for a date, or the first time he and Peggy kissed, or the first time he and Peggy had…

Steve had to stop thinking about Peggy, it made his body ache. But he was starting to be as happy as he was when he was with her, the feeling was mutual. Steve reminded himself that he had simply asked Bucky to see a play with him. It was nothing out of the ordinary.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Steve. Please tell me not this Tuesday.” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes as he said this. He was sitting in the desk at Steve’s office in SHIELD. Steve had to send the first part of his romantic comedy to Sam, who was still out of the city due to business or some shit like that.

“I’m sorry, Tony. You were the one who gave me the tickets in first place.”

“Yeah, but I gave them to you a month ago. I thought you had already used them.” Tony crossed his arms while Steve finished sending the first part of his book to Sam. He hoped Sam would still like it, even with the huge changes he had made to the plot.

“But you said you would help me! Tuesday is fourteen and I have something special prepared for Pepper. Now I don’t know if I can do it on my own.”

“Excuse me? Did you say fourteen?” Steve hoped Tony had made a mistake.

“Yes, Steve. It’s Pepper’s birthday and you said you would help me.”

Steve laughed to himself; he and Bucky had agreed to go to the theatre the same day he agreed to help Tony. Steve hoped Tony could make something nice for her without his help he had been texting with Bucky and so far he said that he was excited about the play, since it was one he wanted to see from the moment it came out, he could not cancel his plans now. Steve was sure that Bucky had nothing else to do that day, except plans with him of course.

Tony sighed “I guess I’ll have to make the surprise for Pepper without help. Anyway, why is it so crowded here today?”

Steve hadn’t noticed it but there were many persons today at SHIELD, and none of them were employees. The manager of a movie company and her workers had come, but Steve thought it wasn’t a big deal, still, Steve didn’t know why were they here in first place.

Neither Steve nor Tony noticed that Clint and Natasha were approaching; they were both carrying mugs with coffee. Tony had given them the mugs from his trip, Clint’s mug had a symbol of a hawk printed on it while Natasha’s had a symbol of a spider.

“C’mon, Nat. It is a great idea for a line!”

“Clint, I said it once and I thought you heard me. No means no.” Natasha said taking a sip from her mug.

Clint sighed, and Tony laughed “What are you two discussing about now? Did Clint left the oven on and burned the bread?”

“Not all of us are as bad cookers as you, Stark.” Clint said, he turned around to see all the persons that were walking in the halls. “I was just telling Natasha a great idea for the new play we are writing. We won’t have everything ready until July, it’s a huge project and we still have time to add new details and ideas.”

“Clint, it is terrible. A kid cannot say something like that!” Natasha said as she made a fist with her hand, her nails were painted with shiny red polish. Natasha and Clint finally started working in a play for kids, after hearing all of Natasha’s insistencies Clint finally agreed to help her.

“What is the idea anyway?” Steve interrupted their arguing.

Clint jumped with excitement as he started explaining his idea to the others. “Okay have you ever noticed that whenever you brush your teeth and then start cleaning and brushing your tongue you say a nasty word?”

“No.”

“No.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Barton?”

“When you are brushing your tongue you say the word ‘cock’! The brush goes down your tongue and the word cock immediately escapes your throat. Wouldn’t it be great to make a joke like that in the play?” Clint stared at the others and couldn’t hide his smile, then he busted out laughing.

“You want a kid to say the word ‘cock’? Clint that is nasty, and I think is also illegal.” Steve said.

“That is what I told him.” Natasha said, placing the bangs of red hair behind her ears.

“From now on I’ll pay more attention to what I say while brushing my tongue.” Tony stared at Clint, who was still laughing but finally stopped when he saw everyone was looking at him. “Do you guys know why does it look like a zoo here?”

“A company came to buy the rights for a book, apparently they are planning to make it a movie. And guess who is the lucky one this time, Steve?” Natasha said.

“Please tell me it’s not who I think it is.” said Steve, eyes wide open.

“Yes, Alexander Pierce. Seven months working here, his book became a bestseller and now it is becoming a movie. I’ve been working here for five years now and the boss doesn’t even know my name.” Natasha was one of the best workers of SHIELD, but most people didn’t know her or avoided her in most cases. Probably because before SHIELD she worked for ‘The Red Room’, another publishing company well known for frauds.

“Another proof that people still don’t trust redheads. You should consider dying your hair, Natasha.” Tony said, friendly grabbing the strands of Natasha’s hair.

Steve realized that the book that was about to become a movie was Bucky’s, he remembered when Bucky told him that Pierce had stolen the book from him. Pierce was a liar, a man who only searched power and fame, he used people, controlled them to get what he wanted.  Steve thought what could have been of Bucky if Pierce had never stolen his book, Bucky would be the one signing the contract to sell the rights to the movie company right now and not Pierce. Bucky would have been a best seller author (again). Bucky would be famous right now.

But most important, if Bucky had been the one to publish that book, he would have never met Steve.

Internally, Steve was partly relieved. Meeting Bucky and becoming his friend made him happy, but he also wanted the best for Bucky. And Steve assumed that Bucky would have liked publishing the novel, not because of the fame but because he wanted to make people happy with what he wrote.

“I don’t give a damn about Pierce, to be honest.” Clint immediately stopped talking; Alexander Pierce and his team of workers were walking toward them.

“Hey kiddos, have you heard about the new project of the boss? His book is becoming a movie.” Brock Rumlow said. Brock Rumlow was hired by Pierce three months ago, he helped Pierce with his works, he went where Pierce went and he did as Pierce said. Steve had always disliked Rumlow, they had worked together once and it was one of the worst times of his life. That guy was a pain in the ass, Clint liked to call him ‘Pierce’s little bitch’

“Well, who hasn’t heard about it?” sarcasm was one of the many things Natasha was good at.

“Probably persons like you, Romanoff. The ones who work in the lower levels and have done nothing for SHIELD.” a smile was begining to form in Rumlow’s lips.

“I rather work in the lower levels than work as the babysitter of Pierce.” Clint interrupted before Natasha snapped back with something she would regret later.

“Don’t you have better things to do, Rumlow? You should go back with Pierce; he probably wants someone to bring him a cup of coffee right now.”  Steve joined the argue, he was definitively not letting Rumlow win.

“Better watch out, Rogers. I-“ but before Rumlow could finish they were interrupted by Pierce.

“Is something wrong, Brock?” Pierce said coldly.

“Yeah, Brock. What is wrong?” Steve raised one of his eyebrows, ready to see how Rumlow got in troubles with his boss.

“No, sir. We were only chatting about your new project.”

“So you guys already know? This will not only help me, but will also help SHIELD. I want to make SHIELD different, to make it better. I want everyone to know the potential we have here. It’s good to see you back at your office, Rogers.” Pierce slowly nodded in Steve’s direction. “Is good to see you too, Romanoff. You and Barton are always out of the city.”

Crossing her arms over her chest, Natasha stared at Pierce “I like to keep my distance from the city and from certain persons.”

“I see that.”  Pierce sighed “Have a good morning.” Then Pierce slowly walked away, Rumlow following him closely.

“I still don’t give a damn about him.” Clint said.

“And I have no idea about what just happened.” Tony finally spoke, he remained silent during the whole conversation with Pierce and with Rumlow’s arguing.

“It would take a lot of explaining, Tony. And I’m sure you don’t want to know.” Steve laughed, he had never seen Tony so confused.

Steve remembered how much Sam hated Rumlow, he was anxious to tell him how he almost got in problems and how he backed off from a fight thanks to them.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Steve was looking forward to Tuesday, the day he and Bucky had planned to go to the theater. Tony was still mad at him because he was not going to help him with Pepper’s gift, at the end, Tony changed his plans and decided to give her a huge stuffed bunny as a present and took her to have dinner at a fancy restaurant in Milan. Pepper loves Italy, and they had both departed in Tony’s private jet in the morning. Steve had clearly said to Tony that the stuffed bunny was too much but Tony insisted by saying that it was cute and normal.

Steve checked the play’s schedule (again), the play was supposed to start at 8:30 p.m. , Bucky and he had agreed to meet at the theater at eight o clock. While he texted with Steve, Bucky could not stop talking about how the play was rejected in Broadway because it was very controversial but he had always wanted to see it. In fact, Steve and Bucky had been chatting a lot. Since their moment at Union Square Park, they had become closer; they both knew the other’s favorite color, movie and season of the year. Bucky loved horror movies, just like Steve and they both hated raisins. Steve thought about Bucky a lot, he had never talked with someone on the phone until three in the morning, well except for Peggy, having someone to be so close to him was a nice feeling.

Steve arrived to the Daryl Roth Theater on time, he assumed that Bucky would be here already since he lives in the 21st street, which is very close to the theater. Five minutes after he arrived, Steve noticed a familiar face. Bucky Barnes was looking impeccable and flawless as he walked towards Steve, he was carrying something in his hands, it was a bag.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” Bucky apologized

“Don’t worry. I got here a few moments ago.”

Steve noticed that Bucky was staring at him from top to bottom, in a very discrete way, Bucky slowly began to bite his bottom lip, he didn’t want Steve to notice it.

“I forgot, Steve, this is for you.” Bucky said handing the bag he was carrying to Steve, who was very surprised by the gesture. Why was Bucky giving him this?

“Thanks, can I open it now?”

“It’s yours, Steve. You can do whatever you want with it.” Bucky said, giving Steve a warm smile. As Steve opened the well decorated bag, he saw what was inside of it. It was the book of ‘ _The Hobbit’._ Steve had told Bucky how much he loved the movie and how he had always wanted to have the book but could never find the original version. Steve’s jaw almost dropped when he saw that the copy of that book was the original, in the bag there were also some bookmarkers and a small lamp that could be used to read at night. It was a simple gift, but Steve still couldn’t believe that Bucky had given all this to him.

“Bucky, this is amazing. Thank you, you really shouldn’t have bothered.” as he spoke, Steve never stopped looking at the cover of the book.

“It is nothing, really. I almost own the ‘Barnes and Noble’ bookstore. And besides it is a way of thanking you for inviting me tonight. Plays like this are only presented at big theaters, and as long as I know, tonight is a special function only for important people. I guess you have influences with your job as a journalist.”

Steve smiled, _if only you knew_ he said to himself. Steve knew the tickets were V.I.P, but he had obtained them from Tony, not because he is a journalist. Bucky still believed Steve’s lie and Steve’s whole body ached at the thought, he was deceiving his friend, the person he had grown very close to in the last months. To stop Bucky from making more questions, Steve said “Shall we go inside? I think the play is about to begin.”

“I guess, I’ve been looking forward to this night, Steve.” and with that they both entered the theater. The theater was not crowded, since tonight the play was only for exclusive persons, Steve and Bucky got nice seats at the front.

During the whole play, Steve noticed how Bucky’s eyes glowed with excitement in every scene. Sure the play was good, but Bucky was enjoying it to the fullest, even during the play’s break Bucky couldn’t stop talking about the play and its characters and how he believed the story would end. “It kind of inspires me to write again, to make something unpredictable.”

“How unpredictable?” Steve asked

“I don’t know, life is weird, you know? It has its ups and downs; you’ll never what happens next. Every day is different, each days gives you a chance to make something new.”

“You have a unique way to look at things, Bucky.” Steve said with a smile “Changes are good, I like them.”

Bucky sighed “Not all of them are good, though.” his expression changed, the excitement in his face drained and it was followed by a cold smile. Steve wondered if he had said something wrong, but as he remembered the last words of their conversation he noticed there was nothing wrong.

The break ended and the play continued, Steve was relieved when he saw that Bucky was excited again but Bucky’s prediction of the play’s end was incorrect. The play turned out to be very unpredictable, with the main character dying at the end of the story. With his death, the empire of the enemy rose and basically every good person was doomed.

When the play ended everybody, including them, started to clap. The play had been way better than what Steve had expected, Bucky had a huge smile in his face, Steve felt happy he had made Bucky happy. The night turned out to be better than what he had planned

……………………………………………………………………………………

“You are not heading home now, are you Steve? The night is still young.”

The truth is it was only eleven o’clock, Steve was used to go to bed very late, the play lasted longer than expected but every moment was worth of it. Deciding that he didn’t want to end the good time he was sharing with Bucky, Steve said “Nope, why?”

“I was hoping you would say that. C’mon, I know a good place where I can buy you a drink, is very close.” Bucky was still very happy and excited; Steve didn’t decline the offer of a drink. After all, it had been a long time since he drank something. They walked together, Bucky was leading them to a street Steve had never been, all the way to the bar called ‘The Headless Horsemen’, Bucky was still talking about the play.

“I tell you, Steve. I knew the play was good, but that was amazing. Oh look, we are finally here. Steve, welcome to ‘The Headless Horsemen’.”

The Headless Horsemen turned out to be a very cozy bar, with nice furniture made of wood and a small lamp that hanged from the roof in each table. Steve and Bucky sat on a table that was at the corner of the bar. A waiter approached them and asked them what beverage would they like, Bucky ordered a drink called ‘Manhattan’, which is made with rye whiskey, sweet vermouth, and bitters. On the other hand, Steve ordered a ‘Brooklyn’, a sweet blend of maraschino liqueur and amaro.

“I can’t believe I’m drinking something with the name of my home.” Steve said as he took a sip of his cocktail, the beverage was very good.

“With the name of our home, Steve. Remember I grew up in Brooklyn too.”

Steve smiled to himself, every time he remembered his home or his mom he felt joy in his heart. His childhood had not been the best, but the few good moments he remembered included Brooklyn.

“How did you find this place anyway? I had never seen it before.” both Steve and Bucky ordered a second round of drinks.

“My ex showed me this place.”

The moment was beginning to be uncomfortable, Bucky had taken Steve to a place where he and his girlfriend had been. How could Bucky talk about her so naturally? Steve’s heart still ached to talk about Peggy but Bucky made talking about your former girlfriend very natural.

“Oh, well that lady knows how to have fun.” Steve chuckled, with Bucky he could be as sassy as he wanted without feeling embarrassed.

Bucky started laughing, almost choking in his drink “Lady?” Bucky slapped his hand against the table and continued laughing “Peter Quill is everything except a lady.”

Steve stared in confusion, had Bucky said Peter? But that was the name of a guy. Bucky might have made a mistake, a third round of drinks was definitively not good.

“Peter was my neighbor, we met and I knew we were in love the moment our eyes met. He showed me this place in our third date. See that table over there?” Bucky pointed to a table on the farthest corner of the room; there was no lamp hanging there, making everything look dark. “We sat there and got to second base.” Bucky said with a grin

Steve laughed so hard he almost fell from his seat, Bucky was sharing very deep information with him and all he could do was to laugh. There was truly nothing normal between them.

Bucky smiled while he watched Steve laughing “I’ll tell you something so you can laugh harder. Come here.” Steve approached Bucky from the other side of the table, Bucky was about to whisper something in his ear. Steve could feel Bucky’s slow breaths, he smelled like alcohol and an expensive perfume “Peter used to call himself ‘Star Lord’ in bed.” and with that Steve lost it and spitted his fourth Brooklyn cocktail, making Bucky laugh too.

“Bucky why didn’t you told me you are-“

But before he could finish his sentence, Steve was interrupted by Bucky. “Gay? No, I’m not. Bisexual?” Bucky stared at the ceiling before answering “Probably.”

Steve stared at him with a smile, he had nothing against bisexual persons. In fact, sometimes Steve thought he was bi too, it had been only once when he had been with a man. Steve had quite an adventure with a guy named Charles Xavier in England; Steve never paid attention to his sexuality. Finding out that Bucky is bisexual didn’t change what Steve thought about him.

“What about you, Steve? Why aren’t you with your girlfriend tonight?”

Personal question, Steve didn’t saw that coming. But Bucky had already shared some deep stuff with him, Steve thought it was fair if he shared his stuff too.

“Me? I am still single like a pringle.” Steve said using one of his favorite phrases ever.

“You? Single? No way, I thought a man like you had ladies gasping for air and having wet dreams about being with a Greek god like you.” Bucky said as he finished his drink.

Steve could feel the blush in his cheeks, sure he is good looking but he never thought he would receive compliments from another man.

“Well, what about you Bucky? Are you going to run home with your girl or boy tonight?”  Steve could play this game too.

Bucky tilted his head backwards and smirked, then he began talking about his love life.  Bucky’s first girlfriend was a girl named Maria Hill; their relationship didn’t last because Bucky and his family had moved to Russia. In Russia, he dated a ballerina dancer called Ophelia, but she had decided to end the relationship. Back at home, Bucky found out he liked guys too and started to date Erik Lehnsherr. And Bucky continued talking and mentioning names of guys and girls he had dated, Steve was surprised, how come Bucky hasn’t found the right partner after dating all those persons?

“And it all ends with Peter, but honestly I don’t hate him. I was the one who decided to end it, but we are good. He is now engaged to a girl named Gamora. I’m happy for him.” Bucky said finally finishing talking about his love life. “I’ve talked too much about me, now tell me about you Steve.” Bucky clasped his hands together, getting ready to listen to Steve’s love life.

Steve sighed and began to tell his story, which was much shorter than Bucky’s story “Well, my story is not as interesting as yours. The first girl I ever dated was named Lorraine, it was in high school. Believe it or not I was a very little and skinny guy, with lots of health problems including asthma. Lorraine was more of a first experience to me, of course she dumped me because she said I was not at her level.”

Bucky raised his hand, as if he were a student asking a question “You, someone skinny? I can’t believe it. And her name was Lorraine? Sounds like a grandma name.” Bucky chuckled “Sorry to interrupt, you may continue.”

“Well she was named after her grandmother, so yes. After Lorraine I decide to focus in school, everything was okay. Until one day I got home and the neighbor told me the woman I loved the most had died.”

“Your new girlfriend died?” Bucky joked.

“No, my mom actually.” the moment was getting even more personal.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky was beginning to regret what he said “What was her name?”

“Sarah.” Steve sighed “What about your mom?”

“Her name was Winifred…” Bucky took a deep breath as he mentioned his mother’s name, he decided to change the topic of the conversation. “So, Lorraine huh?” Bucky said trying to make the moment less depressing and encouraging Steve to continue his story. Steve continued to talk about the people he had dated, after Lorraine and his mom’s decease, Steve studied and worked hard to become an author, but he changed the story to tell Bucky he studied to become a journalist. Many times Steve considered joining the army, as a kid, he liked to pretend he was an important captain who was the leader of great and brave soldiers. After moving to New York, Steve told Bucky how his neighbor Sharon Carter had become his new girlfriend. Steve thought his relationship with Sharon was something serious, but it turned out to be an adventure. After their break up, Steve found out he and Sharon worked better as friends rather than lovers. Steve was done with relationships until the night he met Peggy Carter, Sharon’s cousin.

Tony, Natasha and Clint were the only ones who knew what Peggy meant to Steve, now he was sharing the story with Bucky. Bucky paid close attention to every word Steve said.

“Then she went back to England and I was the one who ended the relationship. I loved her, you know she was the one who gave me the book you wrote as a present.”

“A great present if you allow me to say.” a huge smile formed in Bucky’s lips “But seriously Steve. I think the Carter dynasty is better without you.”

Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the comment, probably because it was the most accurate thing he had heard.

Both Bucky and Steve paid for their drinks, Bucky said it was his time to pay, but Steve had convinced him that he wanted to help with the bill.

As they walked out of the bar, Steve talked about his childhood memories. Bucky simply smiled and Steve hoped he would share some of his memories too. But Bucky never did. There was a moment were Bucky stopped walking, Steve wondered why had he done that.

“I… just hate darkness. I think we should not go this way.” that had been Bucky’s excuse.

Steve simply shrugged and said “Okay, we’ll take the other way. It’s longer but at least it is illuminated.”

Bucky smiled and they both turned around to walk away from the dark street, it was half past midnight, many light poles had been shut down already. To forget the strange scene that happened moments ago, Steve and Bucky started talking about the most embarrassing moments of their lives.

“Talking about embarrassing, look at that.” Steve pointed to a trashcan that was in front of them.

 

“There is nothing embarrassing about a trashcan, Steve. It’s a normal trashcan,better stop it, you are going to hurt its feelings.” Bucky joked, now Steve wondered why Bucky was not a comedian.

“Not the trashcan, you jerk. But what is inside of it.”

Bucky stared at Steve in confusion, inside of the trashcan there was probably trash. Bucky thought Steve was being ridiculous until he saw what Steve was talking about. Steve placed his hand inside the trashcan to get out the ‘embarrassing thing’, there was no trash there, probably the public workers had dumped it already. The trashcan only contained a bouquet of flowers, an envelope and a box of Ferrero Rochers. They both wondered who was the unlucky man that was victim of the scene before their eyes. Bucky took the envelope from Steve’s hand. It was still cold outside, a chilly breeze hit them making Bucky’s body shiver. The wind made Bucky’s long hair move with it, it made his hands colder. When Bucky took the envelope from Steve their hands met for a brief second, Bucky could feel the warmth that irradiated from Steve, even though it was cold. With the meeting of hands, Steve noticed that Bucky was freezing.

Bucky started to unfold the envelope, a letter written with fancy handwriting was on it. Bucky cleared his throat and started to read the letter.

“ ‘ _From Harry,_

_To: Macy_

_Many persons told me to write a letter to the world, so here am I. Writing to the person who means the whole world to me.’ “_

Bucky stopped reading when he saw that Steve was laughing “Do you find a love letter funny?” Bucky said placing one of his hands in his hip.

 “No, it’s just that everything that is written there sounds like the kind of thing Tony would write. He is obsessed with _Pride and Prejudice._ ”

 Bucky scowled at Steve, then sighed and continued reading the letter.

“ ‘ _Macy, ever since I met you I knew it was not an accident nor a coincidence. You have been that silver linning at the end of the storm. Every moment I think about you is perfect; you have built a home in my mind, in my soul and in my heart and I hope you never leave. My life would be incomplete without you, do you want to take a small step and be my girlfriend? I know there will be bigger steps to take in the future, but let’s go one at the time.’ “_

Bucky finally finished reading the letter “This is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever read, and I wrote a romantic novel. What do you think, Steve?”

 “I think Harry got dumped by Macy, or that Macy told him no and immediately threw his present to the trash. That is a mean lady.” Steve was holding the bouquet of flowers the girl had thrown away. Roses, daisies and jasmines; at the center of the bouquet was a small box with a necklace on it. The necklace had a small amethyst in the center. Steve felt bad for the guy, thinking about all the money he wasted. Steve sighed, if someone had a worst love life than him, it was definitively this guy.

 “Do you really think she is mean?” the question escaped Bucky’s mouth. Steve stared at him, Bucky could not be serious. This was an atrocity, the girl who did this definitively had no heart, and if she had one it was probably made of ice.

 “This isn’t the meaning of love, Steve. Love shouldn’t be materialistic, just the fact to spend such a special moment with the person I love the most in the world is enough for me. I could be watching a movie with that person and that would be perfect, any gift is the best if you give it from the bottom of your heart, if it represents what you feel for the other person. That is something that took me a while to understand.” Bucky placed the letter back in the trashcan, that was none of his business.

 Steve carefully remembered what Bucky had said, Bucky didn’t care about presents. For him every day could be wonderful only by spending time with his special person. Steve felt the urge to ask Bucky why did it took him some time to understand what a gift meant, but he decided to ask in in a better moment, not now. Steve placed the bouquet back in the trashcan then he walked in silence with Bucky

 Steve was sure of one thing: the box of Ferrero Rochers and the necklace with the amethyst would not be there tomorrow morning.

 They were both heading to Bucky’s home now, Bucky could still feel the warmth that came from Steve. They were opposites, Steve was a kind soul still confused about life and love, and that made Bucky wonder how Steve could stand him. He was the first real friend Bucky had had in years. Steve and Bucky finally reached the 21st street.

 “You also have a sketch book? How come you haven’t show it to me?” Bucky asked in awe. While they were walking, Bucky and Steve had been talking about hidden talents and secrets. Bucky was still impressed with Steve’s talent as an artist.

 “Someday I’ll show it to you, I promise.” Steve said proudly. ”What about you, Bucky? Any special gift I still don’t know about?”

 Bucky hesitated for a moment “I think you already know everything about me.”

Steve felt the crack in Bucky’s voice; he could tell Bucky was not being completely honest.

 “Well, I guess the fun ends here. Thanks for an excellent night, Steve.”

 “Hey, you started the fun. I must admit that the bar was my favorite part.” Steve smiled and Bucky nodded in his direction.

 “Goodnight, Steve.” Bucky extended his hand and shared a handshake with Steve. Steve’s hands were soft and warm, while his were cold. They both stared at each other, their hands still clasped together. Steve had no idea why his heart was beating so fast, almost as if it wanted to jump out of his chest. Bucky stared at Steve’s baby blue eyes and for the first time noticed the touch of green they had.

 “Goodnight.” Steve answered with a warm smile. Their hands separated, then Bucky entered his house and Steve walked away towards his home. He could still feel Bucky’s hand on his, that was a moment he was sure would be difficult to forget.

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

 

_“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”_

 

The quote from Friedrich Nietze still wandered in Steve’s head, it was the last thing he had read before going to bed. One more chapter and his romantic comedy novel would be complete, one more chapter until he could finally free himself from the torture of writing about romance. One more chapter until Bucky finally discovered he had lied. Steve knew that once the book was published by Sam, Bucky would find out that he is an author and that he had been using his advices and experience to write. That would mean losing Bucky’s friendship forever; Steve had to choose between Bucky and the book, his job and his happiness. He had to tell Bucky the truth, and it had to be tonight.

 Steve was unable to sleep, rolling in his bed and staring at the ceiling, he was still thinking about how he had deceived Bucky, deceived is a strong word for what he had done. Perhaps, how he had lied to Bucky? But Steve was sure of one thing: what he felt for Bucky was not a lie, the friendship he and Bucky shared was not typical but that is what makes it special. Kicking the sheets to the floor, Steve rose from his bed and started to change his pajamas for a better outfit. Steve could not sleep and he decided to do the first thing he had been thinking all night: be with Bucky

 Now with a descent outfit, Steve grabbed the keys of his car because yes, Steve Rogers had a fucking car he doesn’t like to drive. Steve thinks that owning a car in New York means always getting stuck in traffic, and Steve is a very patient man but the idea of being stuck in a car for hours just made him sick. Steve prefers the subway, its faster and it doesn’t get stuck in traffic. His salary at SHIELD is not bad, he is one of the boss’s favorite of course Sam gave him a nice and heavy check, Steve had bought the car only for emergencies.  It was a simple white Chevrolet van, no big deal compared to Tony’s cars. Getting to Bucky’s house qualified as an emergency.

 Inside the car, Steve turned the keys and started the engine of the van then he checked the hour in his watch; it was only 10:30 p.m. With his hands in the steering wheel, Steve headed to 21st street.

 Twenty-five minutes later and Steve was at Bucky’s home. Through the windows Steve could see that the lights were turned off and he wondered if Bucky was sleeping but it didn’t make any sense. Ever since their adventure a few nights ago, Steve and Bucky saw each other every day either for a nice walk in the park or for a cup of coffee at ‘Le Café Coffee’. Steve was sure Bucky had mentioned he had trouble sleeping but he had not mentioned the reason.

 After getting out of the car, Steve started knocking Bucky’s door and patiently waited for Bucky to open it but after a fifth knock Bucky still hadn’t opened the door. Steve eyes traveled from the door to the window, he could see that a light was still on, probably that was Bucky’s bedroom.

 Steve was starting to feel terrible, what if Bucky was sleeping and he had woken him up? Steve checked his watch again, it was still early (10:58 p.m. is early) Bucky sure wasn’t sleeping. Steve tried to call Bucky’s phone, but it rang and no one answered, he was not going to shout Bucky’s name in the middle of the night in a neighborhood he was not part of. Steve is a smart man, he noticed some little nuts had fallen from a nearby tree, he grabbed the nuts from the floor and began to carefully throw them at the window where the light irradiated from. Steve made sure to throw the nuts at a speed that would not break the window, he had arms with an incredible strength and the last thing he wanted to do was to break Bucky’s window.

 After five nut launches, someone finally opened the window. Bucky placed his hands in the window’s edge and started searching the cause of the strange noise, he was wearing headphones, that was the reason he hadn’t heard his phone ringing when Steve called him.

The warm breeze made Bucky’s hair move, after some searching Bucky finally saw the blonde man that was smiling at him.

 “Well, well, well. What a surprise.” Bucky took his headphones off and stared at Steve’s direction. From the second floor, Steve looked very small.

 “I’m sorry if I woke you up, Bucky.” Steve was beginning to regret coming here.

 Bucky gave him a small smile “Steve, you never have to apologize for waking me up. Besides I was only listening music.” he pointed to the headphones resting in his shoulders.

 “Twenty One Pilots and shit?” Steve said, he didn’t know about music but the few things he knew about included that group. Steve made a mental note to stop acting like a grandpa and try to keep up with modern day culture.

 “More like instrumental music and shit.” Steve thought Bucky had a different taste in music “Anyway what are you-“ but before Bucky could finish, his gaze left Steve and traveled to the white van parked in front of his house “Holy shit is that yours?” He pointed to the van.

 Steve was beginning to blush “It may be mine, or it may not be.” The smile in his face was huge.

 Bucky rose one of his eyebrows, he clearly disliked Steve’s answer.

 “Okay. It’s mine.”

 “Steve Rogers, you have a fucking car you had never mentioned! Imagine all the things we could do with it.”

 Steve could only think about driving the car.

 “What other things you hide from me, Rogers?” Bucky said placing his hand in the window’s frame.

 This was the moment, Steve had driven all the way to Bucky’s place to confess his lie. He was ready to affront the consequences of his lie, but he was not ready to let Bucky go. Steve thought he was being selfish; Bucky did not deserve to be treated like this. When Steve was opening his mouth to tell the truth, Bucky spoke

 “Ever been to the Brooklyn Bridge?” Bucky said biting his lower lip. Steve stared at him in confusion, of course Steve had been in the Brooklyn Bridge, he was from Brooklyn! He even made a drawing of the bridge.

 “Of course I’ve been in the bridge, Bucky.”

 Bucky licked his lips, trying to hide his smile. “Great it’s been a long time since I visited it. Give me a moment to put my shoes on, I’ll be with you in a moment.”

  _Wait, what?_ Steve thought, sure Bucky was not thinking what Steve thought he was thinking. Bucky was probably joking but five minutes later he was out the door and staring at Steve with a huge smile.

 “Bucky, you want to go the Brooklyn bridge right now?” this had to be a joke, but Bucky’s face was glowing with excitement.

 “C’mon Steve. The Brooklyn Bridge is exactly twenty four minutes away from here and besides, you drove from your house to here. I bet you want something, right?”  Bucky got closer to Steve, his proximity made Steve nervous, what if Bucky already found out he is lying?

 “I know that the bridge looks beautiful at night. Let’s get moving.”

 Bucky ran to the van and took the co-pilot’s seat and watched as Steve started the engine of the car, they were now heading to the Brooklyn Bridge. Steve talked about the bridge and the multiple times he had been there, Bucky simply nodded in answer, at the beginning he seemed very enthusiastic about the bridge, but his hype was now normal.

 Twenty-seven minutes later, Steve and Bucky were finally at the Brooklyn Bridge, there was no traffic, the streets were clear and that allowed them to get there on time. Steve found a parking lot that was near the bridge, once the car was parked both Steve and Bucky went through the walkway for a while until they were finally in the bridge. Steve had been at the bridge many times, but the view of the city at night was spectacular. New York is called the city that never sleeps for a reason, the lights from all its buildings still shinned, some cars were still driving through the bridge and the stars’ glowed mixed with the city lights.

 “City of never ending buildings…it has changed a lot since I was young.” Bucky broke the silence, he was not looking at Steve, he was still staring at the night view the bridge offered.

 “Oh c’mon, you grew in Brooklyn. Seriously, when was the last time you were here?” someone from Brooklyn who didn’t remember the Brooklyn Bridge? Steve couldn’t believe it.

 “I was twelve years old.” Bucky said coldly “I remember being here with Rebecca, I told her that if she spitted from up here to the sea, the bridge would grant her a wish. And since she was eight years old, she believed it and started to spit.” Bucky chuckled.

 Steve started to make a mental math, Bucky is one year older than him meaning that he is thirty-one years old. “You haven’t been here in 19 years?”

 Bucky turned his head to stop staring at the city lights and was now staring at Steve “Hard to believe, right? I just…” Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath “this place brings back so many memories I would like to forget.”

 Bucky’s expression changed, for a moment Steve thought Bucky was going to share a childhood memory with him, perhaps something important. Steve had told him about his mother, one of the most precious and personal memories he had but Bucky had not shared anything with him… yet.

 “What kind of memories?” maybe Bucky could be more open with him with a little of motivation but instead Bucky walked away from the spot where they were both staring at the city. He placed his hands inside the pockets of his pants.

 “It doesn’t matter, Steve. It’s nothing.”

 Steve decided not to ask more deep questions to Bucky. Why were they both standing at the Brooklyn Bridge anyway? Then it hit him, Steve’s main reason to be with Bucky right now is because he was going to end the lie once and for all, Steve was going to tell Bucky he is an author and that he had been using his advices to write a romantic comedy of his own. And everything had been as Steve had planned, the novel was almost finished now and Sam had loved it. It was a fact that he would publish it.

 But Steve hadn’t planned to make a friend like Bucky Barnes, he hadn’t planned to spend so much time with him, he hadn’t planned to find someone who could make him happy again.

 “If you are not going to talk, then I will. Bucky there is something I need to tell you.” Steve was staring at the ground, almost as if he were gaining courage to find the right words. Words that would allow him to keep Bucky’s friendship.

 Bucky turned around and walked towards Steve, who still staring at the ground. Steve never noticed when Bucky was standing in front of him, his face was only a few inches away from Steve’s. The height difference was minimum, now that Steve was staring at him too, he could directly look at Bucky’s eyes. In the dark Steve could only concentrate in the blue irises, he had completely forgotten what he was about to say.

 “Tell me.” Bucky whispered softly. They were so close Steve could feel every breath Bucky took, he saw how Bucky’s chest rose with every breath. Again, Steve’s heart was beating fast, Steve thought it was because he was nervous, he was about to confess his lie, but Bucky’s warm gaze towards him didn’t allowed him to do it. Steve couldn’t stand the thought of breaking Bucky’s heart, the thought of losing him forever.

 “I was going to tell you the zipper in your pants is open.”

 “Funny, Steve. But I am sure that- I can’t believe it“  then Bucky crouched his head and looked at his pants, luckily for Steve, the zipper was indeed open. Steve started to laugh not because of the zipper but because of the lucky bitch he was.

 “You’ve been staring at my crotch all night?” Bucky crossed his arms and grinned at Steve.

 “Me? No, but I thought you wanted to keep a low profile once we enter the supermarket. You might get a lot of strange gazes from girls.”

 “Supermarket?” Bucky wondered if Steve had made a mistake by saying that word.

"There is a latino supermarket I want to show you, c’mon I need to buy some things.” Steve said.

 Steve was walking towards the walkaway exit; the path that would take them out from the bridge, He loved the fruits they sold there, he knew the supermarket was near. Steve used to drive to Brooklyn just for the damn supermarket

 As he walked, Steve noticed that Bucky was not following him. Bucky was staring at the night view of the city, again.

 “Bucky? Are you okay?”

 “What? Erhmm, yes I am. I- I… was lost in thoughts. Now show me the market, will you?”

 Saying goodbye to the bridge, they walked together to the place where Steve had parked the car. “We can come back any day, you know. I don’t like to drive, but if a visit to the bridge makes you this happy, I’ll drive or I can lend you the van.” Steve said, he saw how Bucky’s face irradiated happiness since the moment they placed a step in the bridge, how the soft and small smile never left his face.

 “Thanks, Steve. I would appreciate that.”

 They were now heading to the supermarket.

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

“It’s fucking huge here. I might get lost in one of these halls.” Bucky said, his eyes carefully examining all the strange fruits Steve was buying “How did you find this place anyway?”

 “I had a party once, and I wanted to give the guests something new and fresh to drink. My boss told me of this supermarket and since then I come here whenever I want a nice and extravagant smoothie.” Steve was staring at the cantaloupes; he was trying to decide which one was the best.

 “Interesting. Look at this.” Bucky picked a brown fruit with the shape of a boomerang “this stick with little beans on it and these small balls that look like cockroaches. Steve how are these fruits supposed to be extravagant?”

 “Bucky that stick with beans is called tamarind, you can make a nice juice with it. And the ‘cockroaches’ are called Lichas, they have a small seed inside you can eat.” Steve smiled, Bucky’s descriptions of the fruit made him laugh. Poor Bucky, so ignorant and innocent, yet smart and curious. “Follow me, I think maracuyas are in this hall.”

 “Mara-mar- what?” Bucky’s tongue twisted trying to repeat the name of the fruit.

 “You’ll remember the name of each fruit once you drink the juice that I can make with them.” Steve noticed how Bucky tilted his head in confusion whenever he heard the fruits’ names.

 “Finally something I recognize.” Bucky was holding a small purple sphere in his hands “Plums.”

 “They are good, but I am not sure of you can make juice with them.”

 “Who cares as long as you can eat them.” then Bucky took a bite of the plum he was holding.

 Steve and Bucky kept chatting about the fruits and Steve bragged about his abilities to make great smoothies, Bucky simply nodded and asked Steve when could he drink one of his smoothies. “Someday, I promise.” Steve repeated over and over.

 Something unexpected happened; while Steve and Bucky were still talking the lights went off. The supermarket was extremely big and the hall they were both in was large. Steve calculated that at least six more halls were summoned in darkness too, it was unusual for lights to go off like this, but Steve knew that it was nothing out of the ordinary. Some women who were there screamed, many are afraid of darkness but fortunately Steve was not one of those them and he knew Bucky was okay too. Steve took his phone out of the pocket of his pants, with the phone’s light he tried to figure out what was going on, people still screamed and searched for light; the basket with the fruits he was about to buy was still in his hands. But before Steve could do any searching, the lights went on again.

 “I’m sorry, we were changing the main light bulbs!” a man shouted from the other hall. It made sense.

 “If we had been more time in the darkness I might have gone blind.” Steve chuckled “What about you, Bu-Bucky?” Steve moved his head in every direction trying to look for Bucky. How far could he have gone? The lights went off for approximately five minutes, or six?

 

The other persons in the hall were staring at Steve, but Steve was too busy searching for Bucky.

 "Bucky where are…”

 Bucky was sitting in the floor, his hands were covering his face. He was sweating uncontrollably, his long hair was damp, he was trembling and his breathing was fast and heavy. Steve left the basket aside and ran to Bucky’s side, when he was closer to him Steve noticed Bucky was mumbling something but Steve could not understand what he was saying, it sounded like another language.

German? Norwegian?  Spanish?

Russian.

 Bucky had told Steve that he and his family moved to Russia and that he dated a ballerina dancer there. Nothing else, he hadn’t mentioned speaking Russian.

  _“zhelaniye… rzhavyy…devyat’ …semnadsat…”_

“Bucky? Are you okay?” Steve repeated that phrase over and over, never leaving Bucky’s side. Carefully, Steve placed his hand in Bucky’s back and started to give him small pats then he started to give him small squeezes. That simple gesture made Bucky jump a little.

 Now with the hands away from his face, Steve noticed that Bucky’s eyes were swollen, he had been crying. Steve could count the three tears that had escaped his blue eyes.

 “It’s okay, Bucky. The lights went off for a brief moment, they are back now. You are safe.” he handed Bucky a bottle of water he had bought earlier.

 Bucky took a small sip from the bottle “I’m sorry Steve, sorry for causing a scene in front of everybody. I bet you feel ashamed of being with someone like me.” Bucky touched his forehead and his hair, they were still covered with cold sweat.

 “Don’t. Just don’t” Steve took a deep breath “I know there is a logical explanation for this, and I know you will share it with me.”

 Bucky gave him a small smile “I can’t, Steve. You wouldn’t understand.” he finally calmed down and cleaned his face. “You should find normal friends to hang out with.” Bucky rose from the floor and started to walk to the other hall of the supermarket, he was searching for the exit.

 “Bucky no, wait!” Steve followed Bucky, he was right behind him. In a desperate moment he grabbed Bucky’s hand, they were shaking.

 “Bucky if I wanted a normal life I would have gone back to my old home in DC. I have no idea what happened a few moments ago and I honestly don’t care. We all have issues, I know that, and if you want to tell me what is wrong that would be okay; if you don’t want to tell me it’s okay too! But please, don’t do this.” Steve took a deep breathe“I have lost many persons in my life; family, friends, girlfriends.” Bucky smiled because he now knew how much Steve’s love life sucked “I don’t want to lose someone else.”

 Steve had no idea what was he thinking when he said that phrase but it seemed to have a relaxing effect in Bucky, his hands stopped shaking and his breath was normal again. But what Steve said was true. Bucky had showed him so many things; he had showed him how to have fun and how to watch things from other point of view. Steve was happy again and he was grateful with Bucky for that.

 Bucky simply gave Steve a small smile. They acted as if nothing had happened.

 Steve was paying the fruits he just bought to the cashier when he heard Bucky gasp.

 “Steve look, cards.” Bucky got close to the shelf that held the cards; he started to examine all the cards that had a drawing of a cartoon with a happy birthday message written on them.

 “Who is the birthday girl?” Steve could only assume that Bucky was searching cards with cartoons for someone young, probably his niece Aria or his sister Rebecca.

 “Why does it always have to be a girl?” Bucky said holding a card with the drawing of three bears: a grizzly, a panda and a polar bear. “It’s for a guy actually.”

 Steve finished packing the fruits, he turned around to look at Bucky. Was he in a new relationship? “Who is the lucky guy then?”

 “It’s me, is for my birthday.”

 Steve stared at Bucky. What kind of person buys his own birthday gifts?  “Oh really? When is it?”

 “Well, according to my watch” Bucky stared at the watch in his left wrist “It’s today, my birthday started exactly one hour and twelve minutes ago.”

 “You’re kidding.”

 “I am not, take a look yourself.” with his left hand extended towards Steve, Bucky showed him the hour and the date. Steve remembered when Bucky and he had shared birth dates, it was during a chat they had in the phone one night. He remembered telling Bucky his birthday is in July, Steve knew Bucky’s birthday would be very soon. He didn’t remember the exact day though.

 “I… erhmmm.” Steve had to do something quick, should he say ‘happy birthday’? Or should he…

 “I know. Bucky wait for me outside please.”

 “Steve what are you-“

 “Please.” Steve said with a kind smile.

Bucky grunted, but Steve’s smile convinced him to wait outside the supermarket. With Bucky out of sight, Steve stared to work.

 “Excuse me? Miss?” Steve was talking with the cashier “do you have a pen?”

 The cashier gave him a blue pen, Steve ran to the shelf and picked a card with a cartoon he found familiar. “I think this one will do.”

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 

“What took you so long?” Bucky was sitting in a bench outside the supermarket.

 “I forgot to buy something.” Bucky noticed Steve was holding the bag of fruits and a small red bag.

 “Happy birthday Bucky.” Steve said, almost singing. He handed Bucky the little red bag, immediately Bucky opened the bag and laughed the moment he saw the card Steve had given him.

 “ ‘ _Your birthday it is, celebrate you must.’_ “ Bucky read the message the cartoon had “why does the small green leprechaun talks backwards?”

 “He lives in space, I guess that is the way his species talk.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, he noticed his blonde hair was getting longer; he needed a haircut “Open it.”

 Bucky opened the curious birthday card and started to read what Steve had written for him in blue ink.

 “I’m not that old, you know. Thanks, Steve. For everything.”

 Steve sat beside Bucky in the bench, he noticed Bucky was reading the message of the card again. “Usually I buy cards for myself, is nice to receive them from someone else.”

 “No one else gives you presents?” Steve asked.

 “I receive a call from my sister and a drawing from Aria, it’s not much, but it means the world to me.”

 “Well, then get ready to receive lots of birthday cards and drawings from now on.”

 “Steve you don’t have to give me a present. Having a good time is all I want, birthdays should not be materialistic.” Bucky placed his birthday card in the red bag to keep it safe.

 “But even the smallest details count. It’s not bad to receive something in special dates.” Steve was glad to see that Bucky was himself again, the scene inside the supermarket forgotten.

 “I know, but memories have a special meaning for me. The beauty and happiness one single memory can give you are amazing. The best thing about them is that they do not last forever, appreciate every single moment.”

 They sat in a comfortable silence in the bench, Bucky’s head was resting in Steve’s shoulder. Steve thought Bucky was simply tired and that he they should be going home right now. When Steve was about to suggest Bucky to head home, Bucky started to speak.

 “I was thirteen years old when I moved to Russia. My parents had obtained a job there and there was no other option. The first weeks there I felt homesick; I missed Brooklyn, my friends… everything. But I eventually learned how to move on and start a new life there.”

 Steve wondered why Bucky had suddenly started to talk about his life in Russia, he was about to ask but Bucky kept speaking and he decided not to interrupt.

 “Two years later and we can say I was okay again. Happy? not at all, but Russia was now part of me and of my family. I had a new school, friends, a girlfriend with the one I only lasted six months. Russian girls are complicated.

 Anyway, it was one day after school. I was fifteen years old and walking home were I knew my family was waiting for me. A car was parked in one of the sideways, but I didn’t pay attention to it, then four men hopped out of the car. They were wearing a uniform, I thought they were soldiers or police officers.  The four men surrounded me and started to beat the crap out of me until I was unconscious; they took me and placed me in car’s trunk. I could not even scream, one of them had delivered a punch to my throat and every time I tried to speak I felt like if a knife was going down my trachea.

 Of one thing I was sure: I was not going home that night. Even in the trunk I could figure out that we were not in Moscow anymore, after three hours, they took me out of the trunk. They had taken me to some abandoned buildings, they looked really old from the outside. But from the inside, they were not. Computers, radios, more men in uniform and the worst: other guys of my same age. There was a British girl, two German boys, a guy from Spain and me. To make a long story short; the men who held us hostages were terrorists, an old Russian organization the government thought didn’t exist anymore. They had one single mission: to train the best spies and assassins of the world, or to kidnap kids and make their own army. But they were interested in me, I was the first American to be in their base. They thought they could use me as a weapon against my own country, my own family, the whole community. They even tried to cut my left arm, damn it.”

 Bucky sighed, he blinked fast trying to prevent the tears to start falling from his eyes.

 “I was held in a dark room every day, they allowed me to see the sunlight one hour per day. When you disobeyed they beat you with electric sticks and in worst cases they injected a syringe in your arm that would lower your defenses, make your immune system useless. You could die from a cold, or from a simple headache. They would give you the antidote once you obeyed.”

 Steve cleared his throat, he was trying to take in everything Bucky was saying. Bucky was kidnapped by a terrorist group and no one seemed to give a fuck about it. “You never tried to escape?”

 “I tried once, but they caught me again. They told me that if tried that again they would kill my family and I didn’t believe them until they gave me an archive with my family’s name and the last places they had been in. My family was looking for me, the authorities simply said I had been kidnapped but my parents never lost hope. I rather die that imagine the things those monsters could do to them.”

The five persons they had kidnapped were trained and tortured to become spies that would later work for them, we were called the death squad. I know how to use guns and knives, they also trained me to become a sniper.

 “It was one night in November, when someone broke in. I remember screams, police officers and being trapped in the dark room. The government had found the five missing persons and they had dismantled the entire base. The terrorists were captured and they were later judged and sent to jail. As a nineteen years old guy I didn’t know much about legal business.”

 “Wait.” Steve said placing one of his hands in his mouth “Nineteen? That means you were kidnapped for four years?”

 “Hard to believe, right? They sent me back with my family but I was concerned that my mother wasn’t there to greet me. I desperately looked for her until my father told me what had happened:  the first seven months I went missing my mom gave up hope and from her worries she developed a sickness called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or ‘broken heart symptom’. The mind is such a powerful enemy, she worried so much one part of her heart became bigger than the other, making it useless, only one part of her heart pumped the blood. That part of the heart eventually stopped working and her state of health became delicate… one year after my kidnapping, Winifred Barnes died from a heart attack in a hospital bed.

My father kept saying that it wasn’t my fault that she loved me and died with the hope of seeing me again, but it was my fault and I will always feel guilty for killing my mom. We came back to Brooklyn then, now there were only three of us left. I got a job, worked in the day and attended special classes at night, classes that allowed me to finish my high school studies and obtain my high school title. The Russian doctors said I had PTSD and that I needed help from psychologists, but I was too busy working and helping my dad to waste my time with them; until I couldn’t get a single night of sleep and started to visit a doctor. I was twenty years old and everything seemed to be back to normal again. But one day I came home at night, all lights turned off, the doctor told me to try to be in dark places to overcome my fear to darkness and the memories they brought. But I started to freak out, I was alone and I saw a dark figure sitting in a chair, I thought they had come back for me.

 But the dark figure turned out to be my dad, sitting in the darkness while holding a gun against his head. I screamed, but it was too late, the trigger was faster than me. I could have stopped my dad from committing suicide, but I know he had his reasons to stop living: his son had killed his wife, our economic situation was shit and he really had no reason to keep living.

 “I became the head of the house and obtained two jobs, all my hopes to attend college? Gone. Life is ironic sometimes, Rebecca came home one day saying she had obtained a scholarship to complete her studies in Arizona. I didn’t think it twice and send her away, if one of us deserved a better life it was her. A normal life away from someone with mental problems such as PTSD and depression.”

Bucky stopped talking, he was still staring at the distance and his head was still resting in Steve’s shoulder. He sighed and continued “With Rebecca away, I finally started college and after that obtained my job as a the literature teacher in the school. A small magazine hired me then, I was a columnist. Until one day I went to Union Square Park and decided to write a story with the happy ending I never had. _‘Winter’_ … it had all happened in winter.” Bucky moved his head to look at Steve, his story was finally over.

 Steve was imagining all what Bucky had been through and he was terrified by every single detail Bucky had shared. Bucky carried a past full of pain and loses, full of sicknesses and troubles but he still managed to move on… sometimes. Now Steve understood why Bucky had said no to the dark alley in their night trip last month, why Bucky is considered someone asocial and weird by many persons. Why Bucky had broken apart back there in the supermarket, afraid that they would take him again or that he would see his dad shooting himself.

 Why Bucky was so lonely, it had an explanation now.

 “Bucky, I am sorry. You have gone through hell and back and I-“

 “No, I am sorry for you Steve, if you decide to stay with a person as fucked up as me. See why my relationships don’t last? You’re a good man, find friends who deserve you.” Bucky rose from the bench and started to walk away from Steve.

 After all what Bucky had shared, Steve was not planning to let him go. Bucky was not listening when Steve called his name.

 “Don’t you get it, Bucky?!?” Steve was shouting and he didn’t care if someone had heard him “I deserve you! Of all the persons in this city you are the only one that makes me happy. I thought I could never be happy again until I met you.”

 Bucky turned around, Steve was in front of him. “You met me because I was part of the interview you needed for your job, not because you wanted. If it wasn’t for that interview you would not even look at me, I would be a stranger for you.”

 Steve thought about how much Bucky hated himself “The interview was over since day one. I decided to stay with you because there is something different about you, the way you look at things and appreciate even the smallest detail.” Steve’s heart was beating fast and he was starting to get desperate.

 Bucky’s mouth was open, his lips were dry and the small smile he always carried was gone. His eyes were fighting back the tears “Steve, you…” there was a knot in his throat “you don’t-”

 Steve decided he didn’t want to hear Bucky talking about how much he hated himself. Steve tried to convince him and make him realize that everything that had happened to him wasn’t his fault, Bucky kept protesting and blaming himself until Steve could take it no more.

 Bucky was about to speak again and Steve had no interest to keep arguing with him. Steve took Bucky’s face in his hands until their faces were close enough to do the only thing Steve knew when it came to prevent people from talking too much. With Bucky’s face in his hands and his nose a few centimeters away from his, Steve kissed Bucky. Steve thought Bucky was going to part away, to punch him or to scream; but instead Bucky wrapped his hands around Steve’s neck and deepened the kiss. Steve had kissed a man before but he never thought he would do it again. Bucky’s lips were trembling but eventually stopped when he felt the warmth from Steve’s lips. Bucky’s hands traveled from Steve’s neck to his hips and Steve’s hands played with Bucky’s long hair. Steve could feel his heartbeat mixed with Bucky’s. Steve opened his mouth allowing Bucky’s tongue to play with his, a small moan escaped from his mouth. Why was this moment so incredible?

 They finally separated, as much as Steve wanted to keep kissing Bucky, his lungs wanted some air too.

 “I think we should go.” Bucky said.

 They walked in silence to the white van, not a single word was said. Steve and Bucky pretended nothing had happened. And all because Bucky wanted to visit the Brooklyn Bridge, now Steve wasn’t sure if he wanted to come back again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do a lot of research to write this chapter.  
> 1: Yes, the broken heart symptom is real, google it if you want to.  
> 2: At first I thought it was a stupid idea to include a terrorist organization that kidnapps kids but then I searched for information and turns out that there are many countries(some in Africa, some in America) that kidnapp young people, they give them guns and other weapons and help them to cause terror in the community, many of these persons never see their families again. Even in my country, gangs take kids from family and train them to assault, murder, steal and deal with drugs.  
> 3\. Latin references because I am latina and I thought it would be nice.  
> 4\. I know Bucky's birthday is March 10th, but since Sebastian's birthday was a few days ago I had the urge to include it.


	6. Only Curiosity Can Kill Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writting this part, I confess this is not the first smut I write but it is the first I publish. It's okay if you want to skip the chapter, I know some feel uncomfortable reading such intimate moments.

 

The trip back to 21st street was one of the longest trips in Steve’s life, even though there was only a 29 minutes distance from the bridge, Steve felt like the trip back to Bucky’s place was eternal. Twenty-nine minutes of awkward silence, twenty-nine minutes of Steve listening to the same song on the radio, twenty-nine minutes of Bucky pretending to be sleeping in the passenger seat.

 Finally, they were back in 21st street in front of Bucky’s house. Bucky opened his eyes after the little “nap” he had taken in the trip back home; both he and Steve knew he had done that to avoid a conversation, but he was the first to say something after a long period of silence.

 “Thank you, Steve.” Bucky sighed and finally turned around to look at Steve “For everything, thanks.”

 A small smile formed in Steve’s lips, he thought Bucky was mad for what he had done minutes ago, minutes that felt like ages. “You’re welcome.” Steve sighed in relief as Bucky returned him a small smile back. Silence was beginning to reign again in the car, silence between them. Steve didn’t want to go through an uncomfortable moment again, he immediately changed the topic.

 “Oh, by the way, I bought you some plums back at the store.” Steve started to check in the bag of groceries for the little box of plums, he found them and handed them to Bucky. In the mere moment their hands touched, Steve noticed that Bucky’s hands were always cold, while his were warm; Steve was a man who always had a smile in his lips, even though it was fake sometimes, while Bucky only smiled around certain persons and now Steve knew the reason. The trauma Bucky Barnes went through still made Steve’s stomach twist, he couldn’t believe a person who had gone through so much could still carry on with his life, even worse, he had to continue alone.

 Steve remembered he had kissed Bucky after he had shared his story with him, trying to distract himself, Steve started to read the bill of the supermarket.

 “Dang it, I can’t read. Where are they?” Steve was speaking to himself, he started to look for something until he finally found it. A small box was laying in the back seat of the van, Steve took it and started to open it; curiosity filled Bucky’s mind, what was inside the box? As Steve opened it, the box revealed to contain a pair of glasses, hipster glasses actually. Steve placed them in front of his eyes and began to read the bill, he could see clearly now.

 As Steve was reading the bill, he heard Bucky chuckling.

 “What is so funny?”

 Bucky covered his mouth to try to hide his smile, but failed “You wear glasses and you didn’t tell me, and worst of all, they are some fucking hipster glasses.” Bucky continued laughing and Steve realized he never mentioned to wear glasses, he only needed them whenever his sight was tired or when he worked in his computer.

 “In other life I think you were a grandpa.” Bucky kept laughing and Steve joined him, afterwards, he checked the watch in his left wrist “It’s kind of late, I should get inside of my house and let you rest, I bet you’re tired of me and everything that happened tonight, again, thank you for everything.”

 Bucky opened the car’s door with his left hand and got outside, the box of plums and the small red bag containing his birthday card were in his right hand. Steve couldn’t let him walk away, not like this; the moment Bucky hopped out of the van Steve followed him, Bucky was searching for the keys of his house in the pocket of his pants, he didn’t notice Steve was behind him.

 “You know; I don’t recognize you with those glasses, they cover many features of you face, including your eyes. I hope you’re a natural blonde and not some old man who dyes his hair.” Bucky was unlocking the door as he spoke, Steve noticed he was being sassy, and the only person he knows with that kind of sass is Natasha.

 Steve took his glasses and placed them in the little box “That is something you don’t have to worry about, my hair has always been blonde. I remember my mom and some friends telling me I have ‘princess hair’.” If Bucky was being sassy, Steve guessed he could be too.

 Bucky smiled, one of his feet was inside of the house now, Steve guessed that was the signal for him to go, Bucky probably wanted to sleep, after the rollercoaster of emotions they had both gone through tonight.

 Just as Steve turned around and headed to his car, he heard Bucky’s voice.

 “ _‘From your friend, Steve.’ “_ Steve turned to look at Bucky’s direction, he was reading out loud the birthday card he had given him. “I appreciate this, you have no idea how much I do, Steve.”

 “I’m glad you liked it, I told you to get ready to receive a different card each birthday.”

 Bucky smiled, the front door was completely open now, Bucky had left a lamp turned on. “Steve?”

 “Yeah?”

 “It’s very late, and I feel like it’s my fault you’re out here in the middle of the night in a neighborhood you don’t know. You can stay here tonight, if you want to, and leave early tomorrow morning. I just feel like…” Bucky bit his lips, trying to find the right words “ like if I owe you something, for everything you’ve done for me.”

 Steve considered Bucky’s offer, sure it was late and he didn’t know the neighborhood and might get lost, but Bucky offering him to stay with him was unexpected. Sleeping in the same house of the man he kissed barely one hour ago, the house of a man Steve enjoyed being with.

 Why did the idea of staying with Bucky filled Steve with joy? It had been a long time since he had company in the night.

 “If you insist, I guess it’s okay.” Steve was walking toward Bucky now, when he was in front of him he said “I’ll stay.”

 Bucky smiled “Be my guest.” and they both got inside the house.

 When the lights were on, Steve had a clear view of Bucky’s house. Though it was only the living room, the place was nice and cozy; small couches, a big bookshelf, a small table in front of the set of couches, and… was that a fireplace?

 “You have a nice place here, Bucky.” Steve said, he was now staring at a painting of a sunset hanging on the wall. A small smiled crossed his lips as he remembered Tony’s awful painting of the cat.

 "Thanks.” Bucky’s voice was distant; he was in the kitchen placing the box of plums in the fridge.

 Steve was now staring at the bookshelf, something caught his attention: the book _‘Winter’_  was at the center of the bookshelf. Steve remembered the good times he had reading that book, times when he was someone who had it all. He had been so happy.

Steve could feel Bucky was behind him now, too close to him. Bucky smelled like sweat and vanilla; Steve thought again about the event at the supermarket, the panic attack Bucky had and the story he shared. The only way Steve stopped Bucky from talking was kissing him. For a strange reason Steve liked the kiss and wanted to keep going, but he knew Bucky didn’t feel the same way.

“Thanks for letting me stay here tonight, Bucky. I’m sure-“

 But before Steve could end his sentence, Bucky, who was now in front of him, leaned in to kiss him. Steve never saw it coming, but he quickly kissed him back. He felt joy, he felt happy, he felt complete. Steve’s hand played with Bucky’s hair, while Bucky’s hands touched his strong chest, Steve wanted to keep kissing Bucky, they were not in the bridge anymore.

There was absolutely nothing that could stop them now.

 “I knew it; I knew you felt it too when we kissed back there.” Bucky said, he went back to kiss Steve; his hands around Steve’s neck deepened the kiss, once again, Steve allowed Bucky’s tongue to play with his. Bucky’s mouth kissed Steve’s lips passionately, his lips were now traveling to Steve’s neck. Bucky started kissing his neck gently at first, then he started to kiss harder the soft skin of his neck; his goal was to leave a hickey there, a goal he was determined to accomplish. Bucky kept kissing Steve’s neck, then he gently bit the sensible spot in his neck; Steve tried to bite his tongue to prevent the moan from escaping his lips but failed. As he moaned, a smile formed in Bucky’s lips, he chuckled “Just look at you, so fucking gorgeous.” Bucky went back to kiss Steve’s lips, this time it was Steve the one who made the kiss rough, he bit Bucky’s lower lip and the man moaned in pleasure.

 “Are you sure you want to do this?” Steve said as they parted for a moment to catch some air. Not because Steve was afraid or anything, he had had sex with a man before; he knew what to do, what he didn’t knew was if Bucky was comfortable with all this.

 “If I wasn’t sure, would I do this?” Bucky kissed Steve and as he did, he took off the jacket Steve was wearing, the jacket slipped through Steve’s broad shoulders and once it was in Bucky’s hands he threw it away, not paying attention to where it landed. Steve could feel the arousal in both his and Bucky’s pants.

 “Don’t you have a bedroom? This pants are feeling a little small for me right now.” Steve winked at Bucky, who was a little slow to understand the reference. Bucky kissed Steve’s forehead.

“Upstairs, now.” Bucky took Steve’s hand and led him upstairs to his bedroom.

 There were three doors upstairs: two bedrooms, one of guests and the one where Bucky slept, and the door that led to the bathroom; in the mid of the passion and kisses that Bucky and Steve were sharing they got confused and accidentally entered the bathroom.

 "Unless you want to take a bath right now, I think this is the wrong place.” Bucky mumbled

 “Damn it. It’s not a bad idea, though.” Steve said as he laughed

 Bucky smirked “Come here.” He kissed him again and led them to his bedroom.

 Once they were inside of the right room there was nothing between them, Steve closed the door and let Bucky take the lead. Bucky pinned Steve against the wall and started kissing him; Steve knew he was teasing him because he slowly started kissing his forehead, then his nose, then his lips and finally his neck. Bucky’s tongue traveled across every patch of skin he could find.

 “I think you have an obsession with my neck, Bucky.”

 Bucky laughed “Rogers, if you only knew.”  Steve took Bucky’s face and began kissing him, he realized Bucky loved when he bit his lower lip so Steve did it. Bucky moaned and deepened the kiss “Fuck it, Steve. I wanted to do this since the day I saw you at Stark’s party.”

 “You could have said that since the beginning.” Steve’s lips traveled from Bucky’s mouth to his neck, Steve could smell the scent of vanilla and sweat.

 “We all have secrets, Steve.”

 Steve paid no attention to Bucky’s words and continued to kiss his neck, Bucky’s long hair kept getting in the way, Steve had to gently pull the hair away; kissing his neck and playing with his hair, Bucky felt his heart pounding in his chest.

 Steve could feel Bucky’s hands wandering in his abdomen as he slowly began to pull up his white shirt. Bucky kept playing with Steve’s shirt, pulling it up slowly until Steve was shirtless.

 “Not fair, why am I the only one who is half naked?” Steve protested.

 “Are you always this bossy during sex?” Bucky couldn’t hide his smile “because I could get used to it.” Bucky stopped touching Steve’s chest only to remove his black shirt.

 Steve smiled “That’s better.”

 “Yeah whatever you say, idiot.”

 Steve chuckled, Bucky got tired of having Steve pined against the wall and decided to take this business to bed, he decided to take the lead. Now in bed, Bucky on top of Steve, Bucky could do anything he wanted; he left wet kisses in Steve’s neck, he smiled when he saw the nice red hickey he left in Steve’s neck. Bucky’s lips continued to move down, Steve moaned and cursed, unable to do anything. Bucky nibbled at Steve’s collarbone and the man couldn’t himself stop from cursing.

 "Fuck, Bucky.”

 “Didn’t you have an issue with bad words?” Bucky asked, clearly remembering a conversation he and Steve had on the phone one night.

 “You’re a jerk.” Steve said.

 Bucky continued to nibble Steve’s collarbone, to stop himself from cursing again, Steve bit his lips and played with Bucky’s hair, pulling it harder every time Bucky kissed him.

 “You’re doing me no good when you bite your lip.” Bucky told Steve as he winked.

 Steve knew so fucking well that Bucky was teasing him, he continued to bite his lips. Steve’s hands traveled to Bucky’s strong back, he caressed every spot he could; he finally reached Bucky’s hips, the place where there was no more skin due to the pants. ‘ _The dog killed the cat, but only curiosity can kill me.’_  Steve remembered one of Clint’s phrases, Natasha hated when he used that phrase but until now Steve understood it. He knew he shouldn’t, what he didn’t know was if it was better to put an end to this now, he still had time. How come driving from his house to Bucky’s place to tell him the truth led to this? He was hot and bothered but that didn’t stop him from thinking.

 “Is something wrong, Steve?” Bucky said, he had noticed the look on Steve’s face.

 “What? No, nothing. I was just thinking how would you look without those pants”

 “Then, why don’t you find out?” Bucky said with a dirty look on his face, a smirk crossed his pink lips. Steve started to undue Bucky’s belt, then the button and then the zipper. Steve slowly began to pull down Bucky’s pants until he left him partially naked, only the boxers were still there. Bucky didn’t notice it, he was way too busy kissing Steve’s chest.

 Bucky kissed Steve’s chest and played with his nipples, he bit here and there and Steve stopped fighting with himself and decided to let the moans escape his lips. He could feel Bucky’s smile every time he moaned; Bucky’s tongue left a wet path across Steve’s chest, he sucked the nipples and slowly licked them. Steve hardly pulled Bucky’s hair in response.

 “Has anyone ever told you, you have the titties of a girl?” Bucky asked chuckling.

 Steve laughed “No. Has anyone ever told you, you have the hair of a girl?”

 “Many fucking times.”

 Bucky’s tongue moved from Steve’s chest to his abdomen, the hot spots where his tongue licked made Steve shiver. Steve could feel Bucky’s erection, then Bucky bit his hipbone.

 “You know what? Fuck it.” Steve said.

 Bucky stared at him in confusion. Steve grabbed Bucky by the shoulders and in a rough movement he switched their positions; he was now on top of Bucky.

 “Payback time, Barnes.”

 Steve kissed Bucky in the mouth, one of his hands under Bucky’s chin and the other in his thighs. Once he had enough of Bucky’s lips, he traveled to his neck and bit and kissed every spot, unlike Steve, Bucky was not ashamed of moaning and cursing.

 “Fuck, Steve. Agh, what are you trying to do?”

 With his hand in Bucky’s thigh, Steve’s thumb began to trace circles in that area, his lips never leaving Bucky’s

 “Damn it, Rogers.” Bucky moaned. Steve’s hand traveled to Bucky’s underwear and he began to pull down his boxers, he stuck one of his hands inside the garment and squeezed Bucky’s ass. Bucky gave a little jump in response, making the whole bed shake.

 “So that’s how you wanna play?” Bucky said defiantly. He pulled Steve’s pants down and left him only in his boxers. With one hand he caressed Steve’s blonde hair and with the other he stuck his hand inside Steve’s boxers and grabbed his dick.

 Steve moaned “You’re a jerk.”

 “And you are bigger than I expected.” Bucky said with a huge smile on his face. His hands rubbed Steve’s dick; Steve was busy biting Bucky’s hipbone, but he could feel Bucky’s hands on him. Steve pulled down Bucky’s boxer and did the exact same thing Bucky was doing with him, the difference was Steve got tired of touching and started to suck Bucky’s dick instead.

 “Fuck… just…fuck.” Bucky moaned, each of his screams turned Steve on even more. Steve’s hands touched the base while his lips and tongue sucked and licked the head; Bucky kept touching Steve’s dick, while he pulled down his boxers.

 “It will be all over if you continue doing that, it will be all over soon.” Bucky protested.

 Steve stopped the blowjob and raised one of his eyebrows “Well, what else do you want me to do?”

 “Over there, in the nightstand, open the drawer; you’ll find some fun things.”

 Steve did as Bucky told him and extended his hand to open the drawer of the nightstand that was next to the bed. He found what Bucky meant when he said ‘fun things’: a bottle of lube and some packages of condoms. Steve started to remember that night with Charles, well those two nights he spent at the house of his ex-roommate. Charles Xavier taught him what to do with a bottle of lube and a condom.

  _‘I’m not a lady, you know. You have to use that if you don’t want to get stuck.’_

 Charles’s words echoed in Steve’s head, he knew what to do. Steve stared at the bottle of lube, there was something weird on it.

 “Wait, why does it says that it ‘tastes like the stars’?” Steve asked, the purple bottle still on his hands.

 “That was Starlord’s favorite, he loved the galaxy and he also used it to-“

 “Shut up, I don’t want to know what Quill and you did on bed.”

 Bucky crossed his arms over his bare chest and rolled his eyes “It was not on bed! Actually it was on the floor, in the bathroom, he 42was fucking kinky.”

 Steve kissed Bucky’s forehead “I’m going to make you forget that guy.” Steve opened the package of the condom and carefully placed it in his dick. He took the purple bottle of lube and rubbed the sticky substance in his dick and in Bucky’s ass.

 “I bet Peter would be jealous.” Bucky said while hi bit his lower lip. Steve grabbed Bucky’s legs and placed them on top of his shoulders.

 “Just scream if it hurts you.” Steve said, that was the same thing he had said to Peggy the first time they made love.

 “I promise I’ll scream for other reason, Steve.”

 Steve began penetrating Bucky, slowly at first, then he increased the rhythm and began thrusting harder and deeper. Bucky moaned loudly, he kept pulling Steve’s hair and scratching his back. “Geez, Rogers.. fuck.” Bucky’s heart was beating fast, he could feel every beat in his chest; Steve kept penetrating him, a smile formed in his lips every time Bucky moaned or screamed his name.

 Steve placed his hand on top of Bucky’s mouth, his moans were becoming louder as he increased the intensity of the thrusts. He kissed Bucky on the lips.

“Do you want your neighbors to hear you, Bucky?”

 “Agh… Fuck them.”

 Steve kissed him again, biting his lower lip, he figured out that drove him crazy. “What if someone asks you what were the noises coming from your bedroom at 3 a.m. What if they ask you why were you clapping and screaming?” Steve could clearly picture a scene like that, he imagined and old lady asking Bucky that question.

 “Just… fuck... I’ll tell them we were practicing for a musical presentation.”

 Steve thought that was a stupid excuse, but it was Bucky. Anything he said was believable.

 “Steve… gosh… Steve I think I’m coming… just… agh!” With a loud scream, Bucky came and did a whole mess in Steve’s chest; feeling the hot liquid all over his chest was enough, Steve came a minute after, he pulled out his member and removed the condom, throwing it to the garbage can close to the window; with a sigh he collapsed on top of Bucky. Bucky was breathing heavily, his forehead was covered with sweat, with Steve on top of him he could feel both of their heartbeats. Steve buried his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck while Bucky caressed his strong back, he could feel each of Steve’s breathes in his neck.

 “Steve, what have we done?” Bucky asked, breaking the silence.

 “Um, I think it’s called having sex.” This was Steve’s chance to be sassy.

 Bucky smiled “I know you little punk, but I mean it. What have we done?” Bucky repeated the question, still buried in Bucky’s neck, Steve thought about the question Bucky had asked and the next questions that followed: what have they done? What’s next? Would they become an official couple? Will they live together forever?

 Will he have the courage to tell Bucky the truth?

 “I don’t know.” Steve said weakly.

 Their relationship was built upon lies, everything was fake; Steve was no journalist, he didn’t need Bucky for a stupid interview. Steve had used Bucky to learn how to write a fucking book, Bucky had shared all his secrets with him and he had used every single one of them to write his novel. The only thing Steve knew was true were the feelings he had for Bucky.

 Did he love this man? Did he wanted Bucky to be his boyfriend? Steve didn’t want a boyfriend: he just wanted to hold Bucky’s hands, be there whenever he needed him, listen to him while he talked about his day, tell him about his, cuddle while watching a movie and those kind of things.

 But Steve definitively didn’t want a boyfriend.

 Those questions lead to the one Steve considered the most important: when he told the truth to Bucky, thing he was definitively going to do but he was still not sure when, would Bucky forgive him?

 The many scenarios that could follow crossed Steve’s mind, anything could happen, Steve imagined Bucky hating him or even a legal process where Bucky demanded him due to copyright reasons or asked for a restriction order or some shit like that. Everything was happening in his mind, the only thing that kept Steve attached to the reality of the moment was smelling Bucky’s scent and feeling his hands on his back.

 “Steve?” Bucky clasped his fingers together “You still with me?”

 “What?” Steve raised his head to look at Bucky, he stared at his eyes, the blue irises shinned due to the heat of the moment; droplets of sweat covered Bucky’s forehead; his chest raised and fell in an arhythmical way. “Yeah, I was just… thinking.”

 Bucky gave him a small smile, his damp long hair covered part of his face “I asked you if you’re still planning to stay here tonight.”

 Steve sighed and nodded in Bucky’s direction “Of course.” He said with a smile; he was exhausted, he needed to rest physically and mentally. Bucky placed his hand on top of Steve’s head, his fingers traveled and caressed every single strand of blonde hair he could find.

 “There is a towel in the second drawer, let’s clean up this mess so we can both go to sleep.”

 “Okay.” Steve whispered softly, he gave Bucky a soft kiss on the lips and later raised from the spot he had been laying.

 Steve found the towel and cleaned the mess Bucky had done in his chest and abdomen, Bucky went to take a bath to clean his body from the sweat and the cum, when he finished Steve took a bath too. While Steve was taking a bath, Bucky found some new and clean underwear and pajamas for Steve to wear and some for him too, he took the dirty sheets off the bed and replaced them with clean ones.

 Now in bed, Steve and Bucky talked about everything that had happened during the day; Bucky confessed Steve how much he feared darkness, he curled beside Steve andburied his face on Steve’s chest, Steve wrapped his strong arms around him. Before falling asleep, Bucky softly whispered in Steve’s ear

 “Thank you, this is a day I won’t forget.”

 Steve had no time to answer, he simply placed his head on top of Bucky’s and they both fell asleep.

 Steve tried to shut his eyes and silence his thoughts to get the peaceful rest he deserved.


	7. Stranger Danger

The warm rays of sunlight entered through the window and caressed Steve’s face, for how long had he and Bucky slept?

Steve quietly rose from the bed, Bucky was still sleeping, he picked his phone and checked the hour; it was 9:03 a.m. Steve also noticed he had a new message, it was from Sam

  _Hey man, what’s up? I know I’ve been busy these days,business trips are driving me crazy, when the fuck did I accepted the position of boss? Clint has texted me and he says Pierce has made radical changes at SHIELD, too bad I haven’t been present in any of the meetings with him, that man is just sick and I have no power to stop anything he’s doing._

_I wanted to tell you about the novel, I’ve finished reading it and I loved it, the sooner we publish it, the better. But I need you to sign the permission (and get Pierce’s authorization of course), I was wondering if you could come to my new office or of we could meet somewhere to sign this damn paper. I’ll be waiting for your answer._

Steve read the message three times, Sam was ready to publish the stupid book.

  _The sooner we publish it, the better._

Steve was having a battle against time and against himself; he was losing both of them, he had to reply to the message, but he didn’t want to. If SHIELD published the book, Bucky will find out about everything, worst, Bucky will find out Steve is a fucking liar who only used him to become a famous author. Steve had to tell the truth to Bucky today, perhaps he would understand (in that case he could tell Sam to meet somewhere and sign the permission) or perhaps Bucky will hate him for the rest of his life.

 The two options sucked, Steve disliked his own book, the only reason he wrote it was because Sam and everyone at SHIELD believed he could write a perfect book filled with romance and comedy; he felt absolutely nothing while reading each word.

 Steve was distracted again, he forgot to reply to Sam’s message.

  _Sure, don’t worry. I’ll tell you when can I visit your new office to get everything in order._

That was not completely a lie, he could visit Sam’s office to explain everything and maybe convince him not to publish the damn romantic comedy novel. He could also get fired (thing he doubted because Sam and everyone else knew you couldn’t fire an employee for not signing a publishing permission, right?) SHIELD would always publish the book, with or without Steve’s permission and there would be nothing he could do about it.

 The same thing that had happened to Bucky with Pierce.

 Steve sat on the floor and considered all his options, they all led to Bucky discovering the truth.  He continued thinking until he heard Bucky yawning behind him.

 “Good morning, or should I say good afternoon?” Steve said.

 “I think seeing your face is the only greeting I need.” Bucky replied, he yawned again and stretched his arms. Steve wondered how could he look so good all of the time; even with his sleepy blue eyes and his messy and tangled long hair, Steve thought Bucky looked perfect.

 “Close your eyes; you’re still tired, go back to sleep if you want to.” Steve suggested Bucky.

 “I won’t close my eyes; I want to see the thing I like the most in the world." Bucky said as his pale blue irises stared directly at the blonde man standing in front of him. "Steve I’m starting to like you, hell, maybe I love you.”

Steve never saw that coming, did Bucky really loved him? Well, he said ‘maybe’ but still he said ‘I love you’. What was he supposed to reply? Should he say ‘I love you too’? He did liked Bucky a lot, but was he truly in love with him? Steve thought he was the most stupid person of the world in that moment, not even he knew what he felt for Bucky.

 An awkward silence grew between them, a silence that was broken because Steve’s phone began to make noises. It was a new message, he immediately started to read it, thinking that probably Sam had replied.

 “Is something wrong?” Bucky asked with curiosity.

 “No, I get these notifications whenever The Museum of Art has a new exhibition or something, nothing to worry about.”

 “Anything new?”

 Steve read the message again “Just a new exhibition of contemporary art. One of my favorites, just for you to know; I’m an old school artist, I like pencils and notebooks, nothing too fancy. But this kind of art has taught me you can find beauty in almost anything, that you can create something unique using anything that comes to your mind. Most of them don’t make sense, but who cares? The only thing that matters is if they make sense for the artist and the meaning it has for them.”

 Bucky noticed how Steve’s eyes shinned whenever he talked about something he liked (even if it was boring). Bucky noticed it when they were at the supermarket and Steve bragged about his ability to make awesome smoothies, or a conversation they had on the phone one night and he started talking about his favorite movie. Even the first time they met properly, Steve had no idea he was talking with the author of one of his favorite books.

 “You really want to go the exhibition, right Stevie?” Bucky said softly.

 “Am I really that obvious?” Steve replied with a grin on his face.

 “All right.” Bucky said, he rose from the bed; Steve noticed he was still a mess. “You gave me a wonderful birthday gift last night; I guess I should pay you back somehow.”

 Steve was confused, what was Bucky talking about?

 “And how are you planning to pay me back?” Steve asked crossing his arms defensively over his chest.

 “Here’s the plan: I’ll make breakfast, then you drive home and change into new clothes and finally we reunite at the art museum to see your precious exhibition.”

 “Are you serious? I don’t want you to do something you don’t like.” Steve thought Bucky had done enough for him already, he had stayed at his house last night and that was enough. The more time he spent with Bucky only made Steve want to have this man by his side forever, even though he knew that was something impossible.

 “I insist. We’ve already done things I like, now it’s your turn.”

 “But it is your birthday, I think-“

 Steve’s dialogue was interrupted by Bucky, he placed his hands on Steve’s faced and pulled it closer to him for a brief kiss. His soft lips brushed against Steve’s.

  _At least he learned how to make people stop talking,_ Steve thought, he didn’t pull away from the kiss but continued it.

 “My other birthday gift will be doing something you like.” Bucky said, then he continued kissing Steve.

 Steve could feel Bucky’s hands playing with his shirt, he knew exactly what he wanted to do.

 “We won’t see the exhibition on time if we ‘fondue’ right now.” Steve said, he made quotation marks with his fingers in the word fondue.

 Bucky chuckled “ ‘Fondue’? Is that how you call having sex now?”

 “Maybe.” Sassy Steve was back.

 “Whatever you say, Mr.” Bucky said giving him a small smile. He then headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

 Steve didn’t want to admit it, but he was excited to go to the exhibition with Bucky. He had gone to exhibitions before, but always alone. Going with someone he liked sounded like the best plan ever.

 Bucky kissed him again, Steve returned the kiss immediately, Steve found out Bucky loved it when he played with his lower lip, Steve bit Bucky's lower lip and he softly grunted in response; Bucky's hands were under Steve's shirt, his fingers tracing small circles in his abdomen, his other hand was gently beginning to lift the shirt. Soon Steve's lips traveled to Bucky's neck, Steve kissed each spot of exposed skin he could find; Bucky could feel Steve's breaths as he got close to him, Steve whispered things into Bucky's ear, then he started nibbling his earlobe and a soft moan escaped Bucky's lips

"Ready for another round? We still have time." Steve whispered softly. Bucky got tired of playing with the shirt and decided to lift it, leaving Steve shirtless and expossing his flawless chest.

"I am always ready." Bucky replied.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

 After a second round of fondue, Bucky made breakfast, Bucky cooked his favorite (bacon and eggs) and soon realized it was Steve’s favorite too, Steve left Bucky’s house in his van and headed to his home. They had both agreed to meet at the museum of art at 1:00 p.m. Steve had some things to do at home.

 When he finally arrived, Steve had some chores to do: laundry, doing the dishes and basically cleaning all the apartment. Once he finished the chores he checked his phone again, it was 12: 26 p.m,; he still had time before he met Bucky at the exhibition, soon he realized he hadn’t read all the messages from his phone, sure he had checked Sam’s message and the notifications from the museum, but he never read Tony’s messages.

 

_Hey_

_Rogers, are you there?_

_Helloooooo?_

_Where the fuck are you when I need you?_

_You can’t be busy all of the time._

_C’mon Steve, I need you._

 

Steve realized he hadn’t seen Tony the last couple of days, Natasha and Clint were always hanging around at SHIELD, but not Tony. His friend needed him, Steve tried calling Tony four times but he never answered, he texted him but he wouldn’t reply. It was getting late and he had a compromise with Bucky already, Steve decided he would visit Tony after his trip with Bucky in the exhibition.

 He only hoped Tony was okay.

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

“And this supposed to look like…what?” Bucky asked.

 Steve and Bucky were almost done with their little trip in the exhibition of contemporary art; they had both created a game, it consisted of trying to guess what the sculpture or painting was, then they would check the flashcard that contained the information and see who got closer to guessing what the drawing or sculpture is.

 Steve checked the drawing again, it had multiple colors and a strange shape, after much analyzing it he told Bucky what he thinks it is.

 “Well it looks like a boat to me.” Steve touched his chin and tried to see the picture from a different angle “Yeah it’s a boat, I think I see an anchor on its side.”

 Bucky stared at the picture and tried to see the boat, but he couldn’t “I don’t see a boat, I see a gun, and those little marks are bullets.”

 “Spooky. But if you see it upside down perhaps it might be a gun, still creepy though.” Steve said sincerely.

 “I’m the one who convinced you to start watching horror movies I thought you were going to see the gun too.” Bucky replied, it was true, he was the one who told Steve to watch horror movies the night they were talking about things they like. They even saw one at Steve’s apartment one Friday night.

 “Why don’t we check the flashcard and see who is right?”

 Bucky nodded in Steve’s direction, he started to read the small flashcard that was hanging below the picture; it contained the name of the drawing, the artist’s name and the year of creation.

 “Give me good news and tell me it is a gun.” Bucky said, so far in their little game Steve was winning by six points, he only had three points. The only ones he had guessed were the ones of a drawing of a flower, a sculpture of cheese and a collage that represented the rainbow.

 “Nope, I guess we both lose because the drawing is a” Steve checked the flashcard again “It’s a fish.”

 “A fish?” Bucky tilted his head backwards “In what world is that a fish?”

 “In the artist’s world, that is the best part of this exhibitions, it has a different meaning for everyone, but only the artist truly knows it’s real meaning.”

 Bucky gave Steve a weak smile “Have you ever considered leaving your job as a journalist and becoming an artist? You have talent, I have seen the things you do and they are beautiful.”

 Steve shrugged “Sometimes, but then I remember that I also like to write not only to draw.”

 “I bet you would be an excellent author too, who knows you might even write a book someday.” Bucky said, then he slowly grabbed Steve’s right hand and locked their fingers together; Bucky gently kissed Steve in the right cheek, not caring who saw them or what they thought or said. Steve’s heart was beating fast, his warm hand joined with Bucky’s cold one, made a small smile form in his lips. This man made him happy and it had all began because of a lie

 

_‘We all have secrets, Steve’_

_‘Thank you, for everything.’_

_‘You might even write a book someday.’_

 

In that moment he realized he made Bucky happy too, the man was a solitary one, who’d ever thought Steve would be the right person for him? Steve’s heart broke at the moment he thought about Bucky’s face once he told him the truth, he had to do that quickly before Bucky found out on his own.

 He had to tell the truth right now.

 “Bucky?”

 “Hmm?” Bucky was distracted, he was checking his phone but his hand was still joined with Steve’s.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” Steve said, staring at the distance, not even having the courage to look at him as he told him the truth.

“No, shit! That was supposed to be until next week, fuck.” Bucky protested. Steve was confused, did Bucky knew already? What was going to happen next week? Many thoughts crossed his mind, then he saw what was going on; Bucky was still staring at his phone, apparently reading an email. “Damn, there is this business trip that was supposed to be next week, turns out they changed the date and now the trip is tomorrow. I’m so lucky Skye sent me this email on time.”

 “Is that a problem?” Steve asked.

 “No, don’t worry, it only means I’ll be out of the city some days and that I have to go home right now and start packing everything. I’m so sorry, Steve, I really wanted to spend more time with you.”

  _Rogers, you’re a lucky bitch._ Steve thought to himself, just about he was going to tell the truth to Bucky the email arrived, perfect timing. “It’s okay, I understand you’re busy and all. Even I have things to do.”

 Bucky started making some phone calls “I’m sorry.” Just as he dialed another number into his phone he asked “What is it that you were going to tell me?”

 He couldn’t do that right now, he couldn’t confess the truth, he needed time and that was the thing Bucky didn’t have; even if he did tell him the truth Bucky’s mind would be clouded with hate, that might ruin his business trip and more.

 “Nothing, just…be careful on the trip.”

 “Yeah because business men are so terrifying.” Bucky laughed “I’ll call you when I’m back, okay?”

 “All right". Steve replied. Bucky unlocked his hand from Steve’s, before leaving he gently kissed Steve on the lips.

"See you soon." Bucky said, he and Steve shared a butterfly kiss and later Steve saw as Bucky sprinted towards the exit of the museum.

 He had been so close, what would their friends say if they ever found out?

 Friends? That made Steve think about Tony, he had promised to himself he would visit him after the exhibition. Steve was now heading to Stark Tower to find out what was bothering Tony so much.

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

 Steve was outside of the Stark Tower, he tried to call Tony again just to check if he was there.

 _'_ _Where else would I be?’_ was Tony’s reply. Once inside Steve headed to the elevators and pressed the button that led him to the last floor, the place where Tony spent much of his time; he didn’t live at the Stark Tower, he had a house of his own but people would think he did since the last floor is where his workshop is.

The doors of the elevator opened, Steve started searching for Tony. There was a huge mess: clothes hanging in the chairs, various tools between the couches’ cushions and a horrible alcohol scent that filled the air.

 “Tony?” Steve asked into the empty room “Where are you?”

 Steve kept looking for him, finally after a short search, he found Tony sitting in one of the chairs in the balcony. Tony was staring at the distance, the balcony offered a spectacular view of New York City, warm pink and orange sunrays covered the sky and painted the clouds, Steve thought it was a perfect moment to draw the sky, it would be difficult to find the right colors, but nobody ever said beauty was something easy to achieve.

 “I’m glad you’re here.” Tony said, Steve noticed there was a flask in his hands.

 “Are you drinking again? Tony you said you would keep that under control.” Steve didn’t want to remember all the things alcohol had done to Tony, even before meeting him Tony had promised himself not to fall into alcohol again.

 “Who cares.” Tony replied and took a sip from the flask again.

 “All right.” Steve said, he dragged another chair and sat next to him, the sky colors had changed; instead of pink and orange, blue and purple could be seen. “What’s wrong?”

 Tony sighed and finished drinking the liquor from the flask. “Pepper left.”

 Steve’s eyes widened, they almost popped out of his face “What? But, but, why?” That woman made Tony happy, how come she had left him?

“What happened?”

 Tony shrugged “I don’t know.”  He started to blink quickly, apparently trying to stop tears from escaping his eyes “Or maybe I do know. Perhaps because I was a dick with her the last couple of weeks or maybe because I’ve been doing things she doesn’t like.”

 Steve picked up the empty flask “Like drinking?”

 Tony nodded, then he tilted his head to stare at the sky.

 “Well, what about the company?” Steve asked, he knew Pepper was the manager of it.

 “Oh, she’s still in charge, but not here anymore. She said she needed some time and that I need time to make things better, she’s probably in LA right now, I don’t know. She’s right, I’ve been hiding things from her, I never appreciated the little things she did for me. But for fuck’s sake I don’t want to lose her.” Tony said, he placed his head between his hands.

 It was impossible to believe it, but Steve knew exactly how Tony felt in that moment. Anger, confusion, sadness and above them all: loneliness. Tony had been there when Peggy left him, when she went back to London and never returned, it was Steve’s chance to return the favor.

Steve gave Tony a small pat in the back “I know how it feels like, not wanting to lose someone you love.” Many persons crossed his mind: his friends, Peggy… even Bucky. He didn’t want to lose him, just as Tony didn’t want to lose Pepper. “And I know what is to hide things from others.”

 Tony lifted his head and stared at Steve “You? C’mon, you’re Mr. Honesty, how could you possibly know how it feels to lie?”

 Steve realized his situation with Bucky was similar with Tony’s situation. “Well, I…” Steve touched the back of his neck and sighed, he decided it was time for someone to know what was going on between him, Bucky and the romantic comedy novel. “I’ll tell you a story. Remember James Barnes? The novel?”

 Tony nodded “Of course.”

 “Things turned out to be a little more complicated than expected.”

 Steve started to tell Tony how everything had started, since the moment he met Bucky at the breakfast, why he lied about being a journalist, the whole deal with Pierce, taking Bucky’s advices to complete his book and the most important: not telling Bucky the truth about who he really is and why he looked for him in the first place.

 Tony remained silence during the whole explanation.

 “…At first I only needed him to write the stupid book, but with time I realized that I need him by my side, you know, like if he were the part of my life that makes every day more interesting, that makes you feel complete.” Steve raised from the chair and stared into the sky again, it was black and blue now and the city lights were begging to shine among the darkness.

 Tony rose from his chair and stood by Steve’s side “Who would have known your first lie would be so successful. Do you really care about that novel you’re writing?”

 Steve answered honestly “At first I did, but not anymore. It’s meaningless for me now.”

 “Do you like Barnes?” Tony asked.

 Steve was still staring at the city “Probably… yes.”

 Tony smiled “I always knew you swinged both ways, Steve.” They both laughed at Tony’s stupid comment. “Here’s what you’ll do: once Barnes gets back to the city you go and tell him the truth, I know it’s not going to be easy, but it will be easier to live your life if you confess your feelings to Barnes knowing that he will probably hate you for using him, but at least he will know the reason why you did it, I think it is better than to keep pretending to be someone you’re not and hiding a lie that will come to the light one way or another.”

 Steve stared at Tony, he was surprised “Wow Tony, since when are you so wise?”

 “Movies and books I guess, specially books.”

 “What? _‘Pride, Prejudice and Zombies?’_ “

 Tony scowled at him, Steve knew how much he hated that version of his precious book. “And here’s what you’ll do: find Pepper, talk to her, ask her what does she expects from you. That woman is one of the best things that has happened in your life, Tony, do not let her go because of mistakes you’ve done. We all make mistakes, and I’m sure you’ll be able to change, not for me, but for her. Speak with your heart in your hands, she’s not a bad person and neither you are, I’m sure she’ll understand. We all deserve second chances.”

 “Thanks, Oprah.” Tony said, his smile was back. “Look at us, discussing about our love life like some silly teenage girls. “

 “ ‘At least my hair is better than yours, Tina’ “ Steve said in a squeaky voice, trying to imitate a teenage girl.

 “How stupid.” Tony laughed.

 “Not everything is stupid, look at this view.” Steve said, they both turned around to stare at the city, dark blue covered the sky like a blanket, only few stars could be seen due to the bright lights that irradiated from the tallest buildings. “It’s truly a City of Stars… are you shinning jus-“

 “I fucking swear that if you start singing that I’m going to jump from this building right now.” Tony said, Steve knew how much he hated that song.

 “Fine, I won’t.” Steve turned around, he stopped staring at the city and was now looking at the mess Tony had done.

 “Maybe you should clean up. It’s starting to smell like a dump here.”

 “Let it be a fancy dump then.”

 “C’mon Tony. I’ll help you clean this place.” Steve said.

 “Great. Then I’ll teach you what real music is.” Tony replied as he started to pick the bottles of wine and liquor on the floor.

Steve started to help him. “I’m still not a huge fan of AC/DC you know.” Steve knew that was Tony’s favorite group.

Tony rolled his brown eyes "Rogers, you still have many things to learn.” And with that Tony turned on his huge stereo and pressed the play button, the rock music began playing and both he and Steve started to clean.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 

Five days later, while Steve was in his office at SHIELD, he received a message in his phone

 

_Hey Steve, how are you? I came back yesterday but I was so fucking tired I had no chance to text you, sorry about that._

_I was wondering if you have any free time, perhaps we could do something together._

Bucky was back. Steve remembered what Tony said _: once Barnes gets back to the city you go and tell him the truth._

This was the day he would end with his lie once and for all. He grabbed his phone and replied to Bucky.

 

_Think you can meet me at 3:00 p.m at ‘Le Café Coffee’? There is something I want you to know, something I’ve been trying to tell you since…_ _Just meet me there, please._

It was done, he patiently waited for Bucky’s reply, he was typing

 

_You’re starting to freak me out. Is everything okay? Are you okay?_

Steve sighed, nothing was okay.

 

_Yeah, I’ll explain everything to you._

 

Steve shut down his computer and checked his phone, it was 1:41 p.m. he still had time before he met Bucky.

 One hour later and he was practically running out of his office.

 “Leaving so soon, boss?” A voice behind him said, it was the new employee Rick, he barely had two months working at SHIELD; apparently SHIELD would now publish a weekly magazine (Clint had suggested the idea, it took Pierce some time to accept it). Rick was hired to be a columnist and Steve had been training him the first days; Rick was a good guy, since the first day he had called him ‘boss’ and so far the nickname remained.

 “Um, yeah. I have something to do. If Sam asks for me tell him I have an important meeting.”

 “Sure boss.” Rick said “but what if he asks about the place of your meeting?”

 “Just tell him it is important and I had to leave.”

Before Rick could answer back Steve had already left.

 

…………………………………………………………………………..

 

“I tell you Steve, you never know what those business men are going to do. Some of them are very stupid.”

 Thirty minutes had passed since Steve and Bucky arrived at ‘Le café Coffee’, Steve didn’t want to tell the truth before getting to know how Bucky’s trip was, he feared that this might be the last moment he might spend with Bucky.

 “But at the end, both firms agreed.” Bucky ended his story and took a sip from the black coffee he had ordered. “Enough about me, what is it that you want to tell me.”

 Steve sighed, this was the moment. He remained silent to stare at Bucky, he analyzed each detail of his face, this might be the last time he would contemplate those blue-greyish eyes, his long shinny hair and the small smile only Steve had the honor to appreciate, those pink soft lips he had the pleasure to kiss.

 Everything about him was perfect.

“Bucky your trip sure was interesting. But the reason I told you to meet me here is because …” _Honesty is always the best policy_ , Steve reminded himself. “there is something important I need to tell you. That night we met at Stark’s place I had no idea who you were, who would have known you would turn out to be the author of one of my favorite books. People told me to look for you, that you might be able to help me in my project, but others told me that you were ‘weird’ and ‘asocial’ “ Steve remembered what Natasha had said about Bucky “but turns out you’re one of the most amazing persons I had the pleasure to meet, you’re someone I can trust, someone I enjoy being with; at first I only cared about my project, but screw it, I don’t give a damn about it anymore. I only care about you.”

 So far, so good. Bucky was listening closely to Steve’s words “I know that Steve, I care for you too; but right now I’m lost. Project? What exactly are you talking about? How did you need my help? Is this because of the interview?”

 Too many questions in less than a minute “Bucky…” Steve hadn’t even got to the most difficult part “There is no interview. In fact, I-“

 “Steve!”

 Before Steve could continue his speech, Sam Wilson yelled. Steve turned around to look at him, Sam had a huge smile on his face. Bucky looked confused, he had no idea who this man was.

 “Do you mind if I grab a chair?” Sam said as he borrowed a chair from another table and sat with Steve and Bucky. Steve was still thinking how had Sam found him; he was sure Rick didn’t tell him, he only told him he had an important meeting.

 “How did you know I was here, Sam?” Steve asked.

 “Man, I have known you for three years now. I perfectly know this damn cafeteria is your favorite place in the city. Now shut up and listen, Pierce approved the permission, he agreed to publish your romantic comedy novel, now I need you to come back with me to SHIELD and sign the permission.”

 “Steve what is going on? Who is this stranger?” Bucky interrupted, Steve and Sam stared at him awkwardly “I asked, what is going on.” Bucky repeated his questions, if looks could kill Steve would be a dead man now, Steve had never seen Bucky angry until that moment, the glow from his eyes disappeared and was replaced by anger and confusion.

 Sam ignored Bucky and continued explaining how Pierce had approved the permission, he turned around to stare at Bucky, a huge smile formed in his mouth. “Stranger, me? I ain’t a stranger, James Barnes.” Sam said and stretched his right hand to share a friendly handshake with Bucky, who only stared at his hand in confusion. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, man. I must admit _‘Winter’_ is one of my favorite books ever.”

 Sam turned around to look at Steve. “You’ve been hanging around with James Barnes? Is that the important meeting you had? Now I know why I like your novel so much, Steve. It has the touch, sadness and romance like one of James Barnes’s books, except you made it even better.” He turned around to stare at Bucky “no offense man, but this guy’s romantic comedy is great, just wait till you read it. Or does he know already? Are you here to get some tips and advices from Barnes? Steve, you’re a smart author, learning from a big one, just wait ‘til everyone at SHIELD reads your book.”

 Bucky rose from his chair, almost dropping their coffees and headed to the exit of the cafeteria, pushing people aside and being rude to almost everyone.

 “Sam, give me a moment please.” Steve said and followed Bucky, he was almost running. Sam remained seated at the table, the few persons at the cafeteria remained quiet and stared at the scene going on in front of their eyes.

 “What the heck just happened?” Sam said almost yelling, even though Sam knew about Bucky’s talent as a writer, he also knew the bad reputation he had. Sam realized everyone was still quiet, he tried to break the awkward moment “Hey miss waitress, may I order a coffee please?” A waitress approached the table and served Sam a coffee, everyone was back to their activities: chatting, texting or simply ordering more coffee.

 Steve was still running behind Bucky, who seemed to be escaping from the police or something. Steve finally reached him and grabbed him by the arm.

 “Bucky, wait, just listen to me.”

 Bucky laughed sarcastically, the angry expression never leaving his face “Listen to you?!? And what exactly do you have to say? Pierce? SHIELD? Book?!? What the fuck is going on?!?” Bucky was now shouting. “Tell me the truth.”

 Steve sighed “I am no journalist, Bucky, there is no magazine, there was never an interview. I work at SHIELD, all right? The man who arrived at the cafeteria is not only my boss, he is also my friend, as you know SHIELD is a publishing company; authors, writers of plays, even columnists work at it, including me. I am an author, I enjoy writing stories about mystery, some of them have even been used at plays, Sam and everyone believed I could write a romantic comedy novel, but the truth is I had absolutely no idea how to do it.

 Until I met you that night, everyone seemed to recognize you except me, I didn’t recognize one of my favorite authors in the world. Everyone told me that you would help me to write my novel, but that nobody had ever got close to you because of the reputation you have with people. When we met again and you told me everything that had happened with Pierce and SHIELD I decided to make that story just to get your help, and you kindly gave it to me; all those advices, the way you see things were the key to write that stupid book.

 Months ago that book meant the world to me, but now that I got to know you, your true self, your history, your sufferings. I realized the only thing that matters in my life right now it’s you and only you. With that book I will only end up disappointing you, me and everyone I know. I’ve been trying to tell you the truth, but I was afraid of losing you. I don’t want that to happen, I have lost too many persons in my life, I don’t want you to be one of them.”

 There, the thing Steve should have said since the beginning. He patiently waited for Bucky’s reply, he expected for Bucky to start shouting at him or something like that.

 Bucky simply struggled with the tears that wanted to escape his eyes, he failed and one crytal tear ran down his cheek “Want to know why I have a ‘bad reputation’? Is because everyone I have met in my life has turned out to be an asshole… I thought, for the first time I truly thought I had found the right person, that you were different… but turns out you’re not. You're just another ordinary guy.”

 Steve told to himself that he would be ready to face this moment, the truth is he wasn’t. You are never ready to face the truth.

 “Goodbye, Steve, and good luck with your book” Bucky softly whispered; he turned around and slowly walked away, away from the crowd of people, away from Steve’s sight.

 He slowly walked away from Steve’s life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comic references:
> 
> 1\. Daisy Johnson and Bucky are friends in the comics, I've read some Winter Soldier comics and in some she appears as his "sidekick". Plus, I love Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D  
> 2\. I read all the Steve Rogers comics (HYDRA Cap comics) I know, do not hate me please,and the only guy I liked was Rick, he is really funny.
> 
> Tony and Steve moments because I really like their friendship.


	8. Fixer Upper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating on time, I've been kind of busy.

“You have a lot of things to explain.” Sam’s voice echoed behind Steve, they had both left the cafeteria; everyone was staring at them after the scene that had happened barely two hours ago, they were simply walking through the crowded streets.

 The sun was beginning to set, the sky started to change colors every time Steve stared at it; he didn’t want to speak with anyone, he didn’t want to be with anyone. He only wanted to be with Bucky, Steve realized that was impossible now.

“I mean, I get why you did it, the lies, the made up story. But you never thought about telling him the truth since the beginning?” Sam asked. Steve had already told him the story twice, trying to explain every detail; Sam was a slow learner but a good listener; he was the only who saw what happened in the cafeteria.

 Steve placed his hand in the back of his neck, as a sign of frustration. “I don’t know, Sam, I was planning to tell him since the beginning; but you should have seen the look in his eyes when he talked about Pierce and SHIELD.” Steve remembered how Bucky’s eyes were filled with rage when he first told him what had happened with Pierce, those same infuriated eyes looked at him two hours ago when he had confessed the truth. “I was desperate, Sam. I had to start writing that thing, I searched for him everywhere and when I finally found him… I was not planning to give up after all the effort I did. Tell me what would you have done?”

 Sam bit his lower lip for a moment, analyzing what Steve had asked him “Want me to be honest with you? I would have given up, on everything. I wouldn’t have written the book, I wouldn’t have lied, hell; I wouldn’t even take the time to look for help. I would have simply said ‘no’, there would have been many persons disappointed though.

 But you’re different Steve, I know you and I know you don’t like to disappoint people, that’s why I thought you could write a romantic comedy novel. You never let people down.”

 “You really thought that?”

 “I still think that.” Sam said, he friendly placed his hand in Steve’s shoulder “Look Steve, I understand if you do not want me to publish your book. It’s okay, I-“

 “No, just.” Steve couldn’t let Sam do that, he knew in how much trouble he would get with Pierce and all the other authorities in SHIELD “give me some time to try to solve everything.”

 Sam gave him a warm smile “All right, I give you 'till Monday.” Sam checked his watch “I gotta go, I don’t want to be late for my date.”

 Steve’s eyes widened and a perfect smile appeared in his face “A date? Why haven’t you told me?”

 “Just like you didn’t tell me about the whole thing going between your book and Barnes.”

 Steve rolled his eyes, then he nodded in Sam’s direction and watched as he walked away.

 Sam turned around and started walking backwards, he looked at Steve “Monday, Rogers.”

“Sure, Monday.” Steve replied, Sam turned around and Steve saw him no more.

_Monday,_ Steve thought. And it was barely Thursday, he had four days to fix the mess he had done or simply give up. Steve was not a person who ran away from trouble, but for the first time he was starting to consider it.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

Steve tried calling him, he wouldn’t answer.

 He tried to text him but soon found out Bucky had blocked his number. Steve knew Bucky’s address, he considered visiting him, but what if Bucky closed his door in front of his face?

Steve dropped his phone to the desk, he was exhausted of writing long messages; messages Bucky will not read. 

“Hey, Steve!”  Steve raised his head to see who could it be, he was not in the mood to talk with someone right now, except that someone was Bucky.

 Before he could answer, Clint had already grabbed a chair and sat in front of Steve, he tilted his head and offered him a crooked smile.

“Hi Clint.” Steve replied, he liked Clint but he didn’t want him there in that moment.

 “Why so quiet? It’s payday buddy!” Clint gave him and huge smile, he clasped his hands together and stared at Steve again “Oh c’mon, am I the only one excited because its Friday? Because its payday?” Clint reminded Steve again; he didn’t remember it was payday.

 “It seems like it.” Steve replied, he started looking everywhere except at Clint, his happiness was radiating and Steve simply wanted to be left alone.

 “Anyway, I was wondering if you have any plans for tonight. It’s been a long time since I went out on a Friday night. I asked Stark if he wanted to do something, but apparently he’s still trying to fix things with Pepper and he’s not in the mood for anything right now.”

Everyone knew about what happened between Tony and Pepper by now, still, Steve was glad he had been the first person to know. “Yeah, you know Tony likes to party but I understand he’s feeling a little blue now. What about Nat?” Steve asked.

 As soon as he asked, Clint’s smile faded “She said she was busy” Clint huffed “Our phone calls are shorter now, she takes longer to answer my messages and when she’s here she’s always busy. I’ve been leaving notes in her desk but I bet she is not reading them… I don’t know what’s going on, I’m afraid I’m losing her.”

  _Everyone seems to have problems in their relationships nowadays._ Steve thought.

 “Believe it or not I understand how you feel.” Steve kindly replied, of all the persons he knew Clint was well known for being enthusiast and optimist, he didn’t like seeing Clint depressed. What could possibly be happening between Natasha and him?

 Steve deeply thought about Clint’s offer “All right Clint. What do you want to do tonight?”

 Clint smile’s returned “Whatever you want, it’ll be okay. Just you” he pointed at Steve’s direction “and me.” And then pointed pack at him

 Steve laughed “Fine.”

 “There’s a lot of shit troubling me, but I want to forget about all that tonight.” Clint rose from his chair and walked towards the exit of Steve’s office “See you when the sun sets then.”

 “See ya.”

 Clint exited the office, Steve still had to solve things with Bucky, solve things with Sam and the book.

 He literally had to figure out what to do with his life.

But leaving everything aside, at least for a moment wouldn’t harm him. He was glad to make Clint happy for a while, Steve always cares for his friends and being there for them is a way to show them you care.

 Troubles are troubles, they will always be there, even in the simplest situation. All you can do is either smile or cry, and search for a solution.

 Steve wanted to clear his mind at least for a moment.

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………

 

The moment Steve’s digital watch marked 6:00 p.m. was the moment Clint hopped into his office again, with a bright smile and an attitude full of enthusiasm.

Steve sighed “Lead the way, Barton.”

Clint’s smile widened, wrinkles formed under his eyes “Don’t worry, Rogers. Just forget about everything for a moment.”

Clint and Steve walked out of SHIELD’s building and headed to a bar Clint said was ‘retro but cool’.

 “Nat and I had very good times in that place, like for example my last birthday; we went to one of the bar’s restrooms. What did we drink that day? I don’t remember, but I do remember Nat pulling my pants down and then-“

 Steve cleared his throat as a signal for Clint to stop narrating his birthday experience, he was already imagining the scene with two of his best friends making demonstrations of love in public.

Clint started smiling, he felt so lucky to have Natasha by his side, he was the luckiest in the world because he is the guy who owns he heart. “Lucky for you, I’ll stop talking because we arrived to our destination.” Clint said mimicking an airplane pilot “Steve, welcome to None.”

The bar in fact was called “Bar None”, despite Steve’s expectations, the bar was cozy and full of young people, probably because it was a Friday night. It was extremely different from “The Headless Horseman”, the place where Bucky and he had shared some secrets and experiences of their past love lives.Everything reminded Steve of Bucky, the bar, the blue and grey color that painted the sky which reminded him of his eyes; his blue-grey irises were unique. Even the weather reminded him of Bucky, it was going to be a chilly night.

“Hey” Clint clasped his fingers together to call Steve’s attention “Are you okay? You still have that bad habit of getting easily distracted.” Steve took a deep breath and stared at Clint with warm eyes, he knew Clint’s intention was good; he was just trying to help him to relax and forget about his problems for a while.

“Yeah, I’m fine is just that I spotted the restroom where you and Nat…” Steve said hiding a smile from the awkwardness of the moment.

“Huh?” Clint turned his head to stare at the signal that said ‘restrooms’. “Oh yes, we also broke a window that night.”

Steve stared at Clint with a grin in his face “You’re kidding.”

“I’m not, see this?” Clint showed Steve some scars in his right hand and forearm “Those are the marks of the shattered glass of the window we broke. Do you believe me now?” Clint said as he winked his right eye towards Steve.

Steve raised his hands as a signal of comprehension “I believe you, buddy.”

“C’mon let’s order our drinks.”

Steve and Clint walked towards the bar station, the chairs were tall and the lights were bright; still everyone in the bar seemed to have a good time. “Goodnight gentlemen, what can I offer you today?” The young bartender asked them, Steve wondered how old must a person be to work at a night bar.

“Oh, goodnight young man, I think I’ll have a Brown Derby cocktail and my pal here” Clint stared at Steve’s direction “Order, Rogers, I’ll pay the first round.”

Steve thought he had to decline Clint’s offer, but the guy was really determined in paying his drink, he had no other option than to accept “I’ll have a Scofflaw, please.”

“Right away, sirs.” The young bartender said and walked away to prepare their cocktails.

“Steve, can I ask for an advice?”

“I don’t think they serve advices in this bar, right son?” Steve said mockingly. The bartender approached them and served their respective drinks.

“Do you serve advices in this bar?” Clint asked the bartender. The young man’s eyes widened and stared at them in confusion “Uhm, no sir, but I can ask if there is any drink called ‘advice’.” The bartender went away, escaping from them and their stupid questions.

When he was out of sight, both Steve and Clint started laughing, they couldn’t believe the man thought advice was a drink. “Now I feel bad for the poor man, what if he does ask for a drink called ‘advice’?” Steve said, he was still laughing and placing his hand over his chest to control the laughter.

“I don’t know; hope he doesn’t get fired or anything.” Clint wiped away a tear from his eyes and sighed. “But now, in all seriousness” Clint said, taking a sip from his Brown Derby cocktail “I need your moral support right now, I’ve never been more serious in my life.”

Steve was drinking from his Scofflaw cocktail, paying close attention to Clint. He placed his drink in the table and stared at Clint “Is something wrong?” Steve asked, it was a deep moment, all jokes and laughs were left aside.

“Ever since Nat and I started working with the plays and the kids something changed inside of her, I don’t know what is it, maybe she feels frustrated due to all the work and pressure or maybe she feels sad when the kids are around; always reminding her that she will never be able to have kids of her own.”

Steve still remembered the night of the accident, three years ago, Natasha was visiting her parents in Ukraine for the Christmas holidays, just when she was about to take the plane that would bring her back to New York City a terrorist attack occurred, many were shot dead at the airport; luckily Natasha was only injured with two bullets wounds in her abdomen. Sadly, the injuries were worse than expected, the doctors told the news to her parents first, then to her. The bullets had made several damage in her belly, damage that could not be fixed, meaning that she would never be able to have kids.

When Natasha came back she was different, with the help of Clint and the others she could finally deal with the pain and move on.

Clint sighed again, then he started looking at the ceiling, searching for the right words to express what he was feeling. “Steve, I think Natasha doesn’t love me anymore. I think she is planning to leave me.”

“Clint, no, why would you think that?” Of all the persons in the world, why would Clint doubt about his relationship with Natasha? Everyone else could clearly see how much they loved each other.

“I mean, it’s kinda obvious, she never spends time with me anymore, she’s always busy, she’s cold whenever she answers my calls or messages. Steve, what if she got tired of me already? What if she has someone else?  I feel incredibly stupid because of all the things I have in my life the most important of them all has always been Natasha; whenever I’m with her everything is better, she accepts every shitty thing I say and forgives me for my mistakes, she knows my flaws and she still loves me. Natasha has been with me through good, bad and worst; she’s all I have and I’m afraid to lose her… I can’t imagine a life without Natasha.” Clint’s voice changed, he was holding the sobs that wanted to escape his throat and blinked fast to prevent the tears from running down his cheeks.

Steve had never seen Clint like this; helpless, weak and sad, it was a completely different person from the one Steve knows. Steve placed a hand in Clint’s shoulder, he friendly squeezed it and touched his collarbone; Clint placed his hand in the spot where Steve’s hand was, all what he needed in that moment was a friend, and he found the best friend in Steve. “Hey, it’s okay, let it all out, buddy.” Steve softly whispered, still squeezing Clint’s shoulder.

“Clint look at me and listen carefully, you can’t just make this conclusions, do not use the theory ‘I think’, everyone can see how much you love Natasha, she is the one who knows it the best; Nat loves you from here to the most hidden place on Earth. I know you’ve tried to talk with her but try again. Isn’t Nat the most important person for you in the world? Isn’t her love the most precious possession you own? Don’t let her go, because I can assure you that you will regret it like hell. Fight for those you love, problems can only be solved if they are discussed, there is nothing better than words to solve troubles.”

Clint was taking a moment to process each of Steve’s words, he was not going to give up that easy, he was not planning to lose Natasha right away “Do you think she will tell me what’s going on if I confront her?”

“I don’t think, I know it.”

“Thanks for listening, Steve, thanks for being here with me. Whenever you need help or moral support just let me know, I’ll be here for you too.”

Steve smiled, he knew Clint was being sincere and he also knew he could always count on him “I know.”

Clint ordered another drink and soon started chatting with Steve about everything, he was determined to talk with Natasha, but for now they both wanted to have a good time.

“What about you? Anything new to share? How’s Barnes and the novel going?”

Steve feared Clint would ask that question, he really wanted to be honest with him, but right now not even he knew what was going on between Bucky and him. “It’s kind of complicated, the novel is finally done but Bucky seems a little distant now.” That was not a lie, just a twisted summary of what had happened between them.

“I hope you guys get everything together soon.” Clint said.

The night went on and Steve and Clint kept chatting and making stupid jokes about a group of teenagers that were having shots for the first time. Clint talked about how much he hated Natasha’s cat and how much she loved it, he said he regretted the moment he gave it to her; Steve confessed to be a dog person, that he always wanted a dog but never had a big house to own one. Hours ticked away but none of them noticed it, after six rounds of drinks none of them seemed to care about anything.

About 9:45 p.m. Clint asked for the bill and was surprised when he saw the amount of money they had to pay. “You’re lucky I am not charging you for the window your girlfriend and you broke a few months ago.” The manager of the bar said, Clint and Steve were dizzy and distracted, side effects of all the alcohol they had drank.

“How do you-” Clint was surprised to know the manager still remembered the incident, after all, he was the one who kicked both Natasha and him out of the bar after the commotion they caused. “You know what? Whatever.” Both Steve and Clint paid and left the bar “Lucky it was payday, right Clint?” Steve asked, teasing Clint.

“Dude, I think I lost half of my salary there.” Clint tilted his head backwards and started laughing like a psycho, he lost balance and tripped over the sidewalk immediately falling to the ground. “And I also lost my dignity.” Steve helped him to get up, still laughing due to the embarrassing moment and the stupid effects of the alcohol.

“It’s okay, I was the only one who saw you anyway.” Steve chuckled, he soon noticed some things had fallen from Clint’s pocket, he kneeled to pick them up: a sharpie, posticks and some envelopes. “Why are you carrying these things?”

“I told you I’m leaving notes in Nat’s desk, since I haven’t talked with her for a while I am hoping she reads them. On them I tell her how much I love her and the things that remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place. I remember writing how much her green eyes reminded me of the fresh grass in spring and how her hair has the color of a raging fire, a fire that burns my heart with love.”

Steve raised one of his blonde eyebrows “You’re kidding?” he tried to cover his mouth to hide his smile and failed, he busted out laughing at the top of his lungs “You seriously wrote that?”

“And I’m not ashamed of it! I am in love with that woman, Rogers.” Clint started to feel dizzy, he felt like the world around him was spinning and all of his guts would come out of his body soon  “And I probably should go home now. Keep the posticks if you want.”

As soon as Clint started walking Steve stopped him “Uhm, Clint, friendly reminder that your house is not that way, it’s this way.” Steve pointed to the left before Clint continued walking in the wrong direction “Think you can get home by your own?”

“Of course, I don’t need a babysitter, Rogers. Take care.”

“See you later, text him when you get home!” Steve started laughing as he watched how Clint was bouncing off the streets, sure he felt the effects of alcohol too, but Clint was truly drunk.

“You’re not my dad! But I will text you, just because you care for me.” Clint shouted in the distance and he strode away, singing Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’.

Steve started to pick the posticks and all the other stuff that had fallen from Clint’s pocket, he noticed another thing: a flash drive. Steve picked the flash drive and noticed it had something written on it he read it carefully, it was difficult to focus in the dark and the dizziness he felt was not helping at all but he could finally read the word, _‘Natasha’._ Steve could only assume the flash drive belonged to Natasha, he decided to keep it and give it to her on Monday.

Steve stared at the posticks and envelopes in his hand, he was not sure of what to do with them. ‘ _On them I remind her how much I love her and the things that remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place’_ Clint’s words echoed in Steve’s head, that’s when it hit him, an idea.

Was he crazy? No. Was he drunk? Probably, the only thing Steve was sure of in that moment is that he had an idea of how to tell Bucky what he felt, try to explain everything and pray to the heavens that he would read them and forgive him soon. He grabbed a postick and the marker, but he had no idea how to start writing.

_‘why I fell in love with her in the first place’_ Clint’s voice rang like a siren inside Steve’s head.

_Could it be possible?_ Steve asked himself, was he in love with Bucky Barnes? He remembered that time he wrote the birthday letter to him, it was so easy because it was one of the few times Steve had been honest with him. Steve decided he would do that again, he thought of the right words for a moment, words to express what he felt for Bucky; if it was love he truly had no idea it could feel this way, it had been a long time since the last time he had loved someone this much.

Once he had finished writing, he placed all the posticks inside the envelope, 21st street was not that far away anyway. Steve ran to Bucky’s house, hoping to find him there, if Bucky didn’t want to speak with him at least Steve could give him the envelope. When he arrived to the house something died inside Steve, there was no one home; all lights were off and a complete silence reigned over the place.

“I’m not going to give up just yet.” Steve whispered to himself, the envelope was still in his hand. But how could he give it to Bucky if he was not even home? Steve decided to leave the envelope under the door, he only hoped Bucky would notice it and not throw it away.

“You’re my only hope, envelope.” Steve kissed the envelope and placed it under the door, the enveloped slipped through the tiny gap between the door and the floor until it was finally inside the house.

All what Steve had to do now was to wait for a response, a signal, something.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Steve tossed and turned in his bed for the last couple of hours; Clint had texted him three hours ago to let him he was home already; he had tried to sleep but it was impossible. Too many thoughts clouded his mind and too many feelings were hidden in his heart, not to mention it was 2:24 a.m. meaning it was Saturday already. He had two days to solve everything, decide whether he should publish the novel or not.

Steve raised from his bed, grabbed his computer and walked to his desk; the bright light of the computer was stubborn and Steve’s eyes felt heavy due to the lack of sleep, he decided to wear his glasses. Steve remembered that time Bucky started laughing at him for wearing glasses.

The memory made a huge smile form in Steve’s lips, everything reminded him of Bucky and now that he was gone from Steve’s life everything seemed to be meaningless. Steve stared at the computer’s screen, the archive which included the novel was there; the goddamned thing did not even have a title yet. Steve deeply thought about it, his conscience was telling him not to publish the book, because it was Bucky’s work; his feelings, his thoughts, everything. The only thing Steve had done was type it into a computer.

But Sam would be so disappointed, besides, all the bosses at SHIELD were ready to publish it; not only could this ruin Steve’s life but Sam’s life too.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, making the glasses move apart from his baby blue eyes. He had to take a decision that involved the wealth fare of everyone. He started tapping his fingers against the desk, then he noticed something was making a strange noise every time he tapped. It was Natasha’s flash drive, Steve saw it had a postick glued on it: _‘touch it and I kill you : ) -NR’_

Steve knew that what he was about to do was wrong, that Natasha would probably kill him but curiosity was part of every human being and the note made things even more exciting. Why would Natasha care so much for a flash drive anyway? What was she hiding?

Could Clint’s speculations be right? Steve thought he would find pictures or messages of Natasha with other guy, maybe that was the reason she was so distant with Clint, maybe she was truly cheating on him or hiding something else. There was no turning back now, the flash drive was already inserted in the USB port of the computer.

The many archives were displayed in the screen, Steve noticed there were several folders, one with pictures of her and Clint’s trip to Hungary, one with a list of songs, one with the scripts Clint and her had written to present with the kids. Steve kept scrolling down, why would Natasha be so upset if someone saw this? There was nothing wrong with it. Steve’s eyes kept wandering  until he found one file that called his attention.

“’My project’.” Steve read out loud, he clicked the folder to see what was it, there was only one document labeled as ‘A novel by Natasha Romanoff.’

Steve knew it was wrong to see what was the project about, but he double clicked the document anyway to see what was it about. The document displayed and Steve soon found out it was document of 374 pages, he truly wanted to know what was it so he started to read it. Every word was perfectly written, the details and descriptions captured anyone’s attention; it was a novel.

Steve found out Natasha was writing a novel of her own.

How come Natasha had not mention it to anyone? Could this be the reason she was so distant? Steve’s mind was filled with questions, but before answering them all he decided to read Nat’s novel. It was fascinating and intoxicating, the hours of the night went by and Steve never noticed it. Morning came and Steve was still reading the story, he decided to stop just to make some coffee for himself. The characters were unique and the plot was twisted but extremely interesting. Who could have known Natasha could write such a great story based in the events of the cold war? No one liked history, but this story would make everyone’s opinion change. By midday, Steve had already finished reading the novel, he was astonished and speechless. Steve knew Natasha had talent, but this was beyond what he had expected.

 This was the answer to one of his problems, it was a selfish thought, but Steve knew this novel would change everything.

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Sunday morning and Steve had only one thought in his mind: visit Natasha as soon as possible. It was still early but Steve had texted Natasha asking her out for lunch and she agreed, he was getting ready to see her at her favorite restaurant of Italian food.

Steve decided to be at the restaurant early and wait for her, Natasha had the bad habit of being unpunctual, still Steve like her that way. Before arriving to the restaurant, Steve decided to write another letter for Bucky; he had left one yesterday when he remembered how much he was smiling when he remembered the stupid comment Bucky had made about his glasses. This new letter was to remind Bucky how talented he is and how much Steve misses his voice, how much he misses hearing him talk about his inspirations.

Once he was in front of Bucky’s doors, he kissed the envelope that contained the letter as a sign of good luck, hoping that Bucky was actually reading the letters, hoping that he could forgive him one day. The envelope slipped through the tiny door’s gap; Steve checked every corner and soon realized Bucky was not home.

_‘At least the letters are inside, he can have a part of me now and realize how much I miss him.’_  Steve kept mentally repeating that phrase to himself each time he left a new letter at Bucky’s door.After leaving the letter, Steve headed to the restaurant, he arrived in time, on the other hand, Natasha arrived ten minutes later. Steve was already sitting at a table waiting for her.

“Good evening, Steve.” Natasha said as she sat down in a chair, her long red hair was hanging in soft curls.

Steve looked at the digital watch in his left wrist “More like goodnight, Nat, you’re always late.” Steve gave her a warm smile.

“Hey, I’m just eleven minutes late, that’s a new mark for me. Did Mr. Patience ordered his lunch yet?”

Steve rolled his eyes, Tony and Natasha were always teasing him with nicknames. “Not yet, I was waiting for Miss unpunctual to arrive.” Two could play the nicknames game. Natasha showed her tongue to Steve, she loved to tease him. Soon a waitress arrived and asked them what would they eat, Natasha ordered a three cheeses lasagna while Steve ordered a Beef Brassato. Soon their food arrived and both Steve and Natasha started eating and chatting about almost everything.

“How are the rehearsals for the plays going? I apologize for not being able to attend any of the presentations.” Steve admitted.

“Don’t worry, so far we’ve only had three presentations. The kids are amazing and very talented, I’m glad their parents agreed to let them work with Clint and me.”

Steve took a sip from his drink and looked directly into Natasha’s emerald eyes “Talking about Clint, I spend some time with him Friday night. He’s really worried about you, Nat.”

Natasha’s expression changed when she heard Clint’s name, her perfect eyebrows joined together as a sign of worry and her pink lips formed a straight line. “I told him I’m okay, he’s just mad at me because we have not spend much time together since the rehearsals began. I’m just busy making sure every detail is perfect.”

“I know it’s none of my business, Natasha, but you should try talking with him. Just to leave everything clear, he’s so confused, he seems lost.”

Natasha sighed, her eyes were not focused on Steve anymore “I promise I’ll talk with him.” She soon started playing with her red curls. Steve changed the topic of the conversation, he didn’t want Natasha to feel uncomfortable; instead Steve started telling her how Clint had acted while he was drunk. Steve ordered a dessert for Natasha and they soon left the restaurant, Steve decided to walk her home.

“Did he really went away while singing _‘Uptown Girl’_?”  Natasha asked again, she still could not believe Clint had done that.

“Yep, and he kept shouting ‘I am in love with that woman!’ He also admitted to lose his dignity.” Steve told her, they were already in front of Natasha’s apartment. Natasha could not hide her smile, she could only imagine Clint singing and shouting to the world how much he loved her. “He is a completely different person when he drinks.” Natasha admitted.

“He truly is… did you guys really broke a window in that bar while you-“

Natasha placed a finger in Steve’s lips to prevent him from talking “Stop, oh god I can’t believe Clint told you that!” Natasha’s cheeks were flushed with a bright pink color; she was clearly embarrassed.

“Don’t worry, Nat, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I won’t tell anyone, and I promise not to mention it again.”

Natasha took the keys of her apartment out of her purse and unlocked the door. “Thanks for the lovely time, Steve.”

“No problem.” Steve offered her a smile, just as Natasha was about to close the door and disappear into her apartment Steve placed his foot in front of the door to prevent it from closing. “Oh, and by the way, I know about Ivan.”

Natasha’s eyes widened, two perfect bright eyes with green irises about to drop to the floor. “About who? What are you talking about?” She raised one of her eyebrows and gave Steve a fake smile.

“I also know about Yuri, Sasha and Mariah.” Steve winked his right eye at her, she looked even more confused, before she could start speaking again, Steve placed his hand inside the pocket of his pants, when he opened his palm he revealed a black flash drive with Natasha’s name on it.

“Where did you get that from?!” Natasha was shouting, he grabbed Steve by the neck of his shirt and pulled him inside her apartment “Where did you get this from Rogers?!”Natasha repeated her question.

“Hey, calm down. I know everything, I read your novel, but don’t worry, no one else knows it.” The last phrase seemed to calm her down a little.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Natasha was getting impatient, she started to tap her foot against the floor, clearly exasperated.

Steve started to fix his shirt, Natasha wanted to rip it off thanks to the rage she felt. “Last Friday night, when Clint and I went for some drinks he tripped and some things fell from the pockets of his pant, including your flash drive. I promised to myself that I would return it to you soon, but it had a postick glued to it that said _‘touch it and I kill you’_ and I was willing to know what were you hiding there. I’m sorry.”

Natasha sat down in her white couch, the cushions were too big and there was enough space for Steve to sit with her. “I went to my office to look for my flash drive yesterday, but I couldn’t find it; why did Clint had it anyway?”

“You know he has good intentions, perhaps he was just trying to give it back to you.” Steve sat beside Natasha, he never thought she would react this way. “I told you he is worried about you. Is this what has been keeping you so busy?”

Natasha sighed “Not only that… the plays, the kids; don’t misunderstand me, I love to work with them. But I feel like a mess, I don’t want Clint to think I’m a person who can’t get her life in order.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “How much do you know about my novel?”

“Everything. I read it all.”

Steve noticed Natasha was embarrassed “It was just a silly idea that came to my mind, I apologize for making you waste your time with such horrible literature.” Natasha said softly, almost whispering.

Steve raised from his seat in the couch and looked at her incredulously, he placed one hand in his forehead and gasped. “Are you kidding me? That story is the most interesting thing I’ve read in these last few days.”

“It’s not true, I bet your novel is-“ Before she could continue, Steve placed a finger in her pink lips to shut her, just like she had done with him earlier. “No, you listen to me Natasha, I’ve never been more serious in my life. I enjoyed your novel, every character and every single detail is fascinating and intoxicating. The real reason why I told you to have lunch with me is because I want to discuss about your novel. In fact…”

Steve stopped, he stared directly to Natasha’s eyes “Natasha, I am willing to publish your novel.”

“No, you’re not!” Natasha was practically screaming “You can’t do that, Steve. Friendly reminder that you have to publish your romantic comedy, the one you’ve been working so hard for months, you left your soul in that story. You need to focus in that now.”

“Nat, I’m not going to publish the romantic comedy novel, not anymore.” After thinking about it, Steve had finally made a decision. The book was not worth it anymore.

“But, why? After months of work, after looking for Barnes and his help, why are you deciding to throw it all away?”

“Because that whole story is a fucking lie, is not even my story. I just wrote what he told me, what he thought. Bucky is the real author of that book, not me.” Steve stared at the ceiling, once again he could not deal with the empty space Bucky had created when he left.

Natasha raised from the couch and stood behind Steve, she friendly placed one of her hands in his back. “Steve, are you okay?” Natasha could sense something was bothering him, the moment she mentioned Bucky’s name his smile faded, he was someone different. Steve turned around to look at her, she was worried about him. Natasha wrapped both of her arms around Steve’s back, hugging him so tight she was practically squeezing the sadness out of his body. “Is something wrong?” she gently whispered in Steve’s ear. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Actually, there is something I need to tell you.” Steve was willing to tell Natasha everything that had happened between Bucky and him, every detail of the story.

 “I’m all ears.” Natasha replied with a smile on her face.

Steve sat down in the couch again, he patted the other side of it, offering Natasha to sit with him. “It all started when Sam asked me to write a romantic comedy novel.” Steve started narrating his story from the beginning, he didn’t skip any detail; he told Natasha about the pressure and stress he had to deal with, how much everyone believed in him except himself. Natasha already knew some parts, when Tony and Steve had taken the impossible mission of finding Bucky and how Steve had lied to him; but he decided to tell Natasha why he lied in first place, how did Bucky helped him to write the book, Steve told her about that time he invited him to the theater and that time in the bar. Steve narrated every detail about each conversation he and Bucky had on the phone, he even told her what happened after they visited the Brooklyn bridge at midnight in Bucky’s birthday; he didn’t share the piece of Bucky’s past though, he felt like that was a precious secret he owned and decided to keep it to himself.

“Then everything went straight to hell when Sam arrived to the cafeteria, I had already planned to tell him the truth that day, but then Bucky found out what was really going on, and he found out in the worst way possible. You should have seen his face, Nat, he was fighting against the tears, against the anger and pain; it was all because of my fault. I gained his trust and broke his heart.” Steve finally concluded, Natasha insisted that the story was way too interesting to be told without a cup of coffee, the main reason she decided to start making some in her coffee machine; Steve perfectly knew it was an excuse, Natasha would make any excuse just to drink coffee.

“And now he is gone and I have no idea where to find him or how to contact him.”  Natasha offered Steve a mug filled with coffee, during the whole time Steve narrated his story she was speechless, she kept nodding or asking a question or two.

Natasha took a sip of coffee from her cup, a small ball of orange fur was sitting in her lap, it was her cat, Dimitri, the one Clint had given to her and admitted to hate a few days ago. “Okay, now let me take a moment to process everything and make a mental summary of the trouble you have.” Natasha said, she caressed Dimitri’s ears and the cat purred in response. “So basically it all started because you lied to him and never had the courage to tell him the truth because you were afraid to lose him. Do you realize that by not telling Barnes the truth you were going to lose him anyway?”

Steve finished drinking his coffee, he placed the mug in the table. “I’m afraid I realized it, but it was too late.”

Natasha’s stared directly at Steve “I have a question for you, I’ve known you for five years now and I also know you won’t lie to me. Do you love him?”  Her question caught Steve by surprise.

 “I don’t know what love is, Nat. The only thing I know is that Bucky is my first thought in the morning and my last when I go to sleep. I only known that I want to hold his hand, smell his hair because it always smells fucking good, listen to him while he tells me about his day, tell him about mine. I need him for a reason I can’t explain, like it’s the part of life that has always been missing.”

“Steve that is love.” Natasha tilted her head backwards and laughed. “That’s exactly how love feels like.

“Then I am in love with Bucky Barnes.” Steve finally admitted, he wanted to shout it at the top of his lungs, to let the whole wide world know that he loved Bucky. “The last months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me, but for the first time I am certain of what I feel, its-“

“Love.” Natasha completed Steve’s sentence.

“Yes.” Steve replied with a smile, he felt so good to finally admit how he truly felt. “Just like you wrote in your novel, that part where Mariah was confessing her love to Sasha, everything about Bucky is pulchritudinous, he’s perfect.”

A huge smile appeared in Natasha’s face “You really liked my story, didn’t you Rogers?”

“And I know everyone else will love it, I just need your approval to publish it. Natasha just think about how many persons will enjoy reading your novel, isn’t that the best part about being an author? Knowing that there are people who enjoy what you read, that it makes them happy and most importantly, that it makes you happy.”

Natasha smiled again “All right, Steve, publish it. Still, there is a question wandering in my head.”

“Spill the tea.” Steve was terrible at using modern day slang. Natasha blinked quickly, she placed some bangs of her red hair behind her ear. “So, you’re going to publish my story instead of yours, but here comes a thought: what if you had never found my novel? Would you have published your romantic comedy novel anyway? Even if that meant publishing something you don’t like, something that doesn’t belong to you, how do you think Bucky would have felt?”

Steve knew that she was going to ask that at any moment, but he already had another plan if he hadn’t found Natasha’s novel. “I would have gone to speak with Sam tomorrow morning, I would have told him not to publish the book and I would have quitted the job I love.”

“Seriously? Would you have thrown it all away? Disappoint everyone who believed in you since the beginning?”

Steve sighed “Sam was the first to believe in me, even Bucky believed in me more than I believe in myself. I would have given up on everything, for him.”

“See? Love makes you do crazy things.” Natasha friendly punched Steve in his right shoulder. “So, now that one of your problems is ‘solved’” Natasha said making quotation marks with her hands at the last word “What are you going to do with Barnes?”

 “I’m going to keep looking for him, no matter how much time that takes me, I’m not going to lose him.”

Natasha laughed “That’s it, Mario, go for your princess.” Steve raised one eyebrow at her due to the odd reference, after staring at her for a while they both busted out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last two chapters have been dedicated to Steve and his friends because I felt like if I had to explore the relationship he has with them.  
> and "Uptown Girl" is one of my favorite songs, plus I love Clintasha.


	9. Friends and Foes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I've been extremely busy but here it is. Only one more chapter to go, I'm considering to write an epilogue though; but I'm still not sure.

“The day has finally arrived, you ready man?” Sam said, he was practically bouncing off his feet with excitement, he was going to ruin his elegant suit and red tie if he kept jumping. Monday had finally arrived, Steve and Sam were outside of Sam’s office; a group of executives, among them Pierce, were waiting inside for Steve and his wonderful project, ready to sign the contract that will make SHIELD publish what they had called ‘the best seller of the season’.

 Steve sighed, he took a final look at the black suit and blue tie he was wearing, then he looked at Sam “Of course not.”

 “There is no back down now, Steve.”

"I know, let’s do this, Sam.” Sam placed a hand in Steve’s shoulder, they were both ready to face Pierce and the other authorities.

Steve and Sam entered the office, they both took a seat at the other side of the round mahogany table, facing Pierce and the others. Sam cleared his throat and all eyes were laid upon him. “Good morning, gentlemen. We all know the reason why we are gathered here in this business table, months ago I promised you that I would find an author who could write a novel, a novel that will certainly become a hit, a novel that will capture every reader’s attention, a novel that-“

“Sam…” Steve softly whispered to Sam, he was starting to brag way too much.

“As I was telling you, the project Mr. Rogers will present today is one that will be SHIELD’s next best seller. But let the man tell you about it, Steve?” Sam concluded and then pointed to Steve to let him talk.

“Thank you, Mr. Wilson for the warm welcome.” Steve winked at Sam and prepared himself to start speaking to the authorities. “The project I’m going to present today is one that left me astonished, a story so fascinating and interesting that will leave you thinking what the costs of war really mean and how people have to deal with them.”

Sam was confused, what the hell was Steve talking about? His romantic comedy novel was not about war, why would he lie to the authorities?

“I have the pleasure to work with talented writers here at SHIELD, the book you’re about to publish proves the potential we have here, the-“

“Rogers, what’s your point here?” Pierce interrupted him, Steve’s pep talk was starting to exasperate him.

 “What I’m trying to say, Mr. Pierce, is that Miss. Romanoff’s novel is one of the best I’ve ever read and I’m sure that it will become one of SHIELD’s finest works. Isn’t that right, Miss Romanoff?”

Everyone’s heads turned to the door, Natasha appeared wearing an elegant white blouse, a black blazer and a skirt that matched with it, her red hair was still curly. In her hands she was holding a bunch of organized papers.

“Gentlemen you may be wondering why is Miss Romanoff here, see, I took the liberty to read the publishing contract again, last Saturday night. Mr. Pierce if you could please show us the official contract.” Steve said, Pierce was obedient and took the document out of his suitcase.

  _Who’s the boss now._ Steve thought internally, Sam kept staring at him but deep inside he knew Steve had a plan. “Read the contract, to be specific paragraph nine section four; it clearly states that the publishing house, in this case SHIELD, gives the authority to the creator of the project, in this case me, to publish a work of literature or any other similar piece.

What the contract does not specify is if it is my work the one that has to be published, it only states that I give the authority to you to publish a work.” Steve’s perfect smile was huge at that moment. Pierce read the paragraph over and over again, it was almost as Steve had memorized that piece of the contract; he then passed the contract to the rest of the authorities for them to read it too.

“Now that we left everything clear, let’s get to the point. I want SHIELD to publish Miss Romanoff’s novel, I’m giving the authorization for you to do it.”

“So you want us to publish Romanoff’s book, but you want your name to be in the cover?” an executive asked, he was tall and with grey hair, a pair of round glasses covered his eyes.

“No, Mr. Whitehall, again, the contract gives me the permission to publish anything, it doesn’t say it has to be my work though. You’ll publish Natasha’s novel and I want her name to be in the front cover.”

“Rogers, this is ridiculous! Months ago, Wilson promised to us that you were the ideal person, the author that would write a story so good that it would become a best seller.” Pierce replied staring at Steve with cold eyes.

“It’s true, I thought I could do it but turns out I can’t; the thing I can do is keep my promise. I’m giving you a story that will become a hit, Sam didn’t lie when he told you I was the ideal person.” Steve made a signal towards Natasha, she handed the bunch of papers to him. “But in this case, the ideal person is Miss Romanoff; and as I see it, gentlemen, you either publish her novel or don’t publish anything. Now I wonder, how will SHIELD compete with the other publishing houses of New York City if they have no best seller. All of them will have a story to present this season except us. Think about the prestige we’ll lose, think about the money.”

The last word made all of the authorities’ eyes widen, after all, money was all they cared about.

“But isn’t Miss Romanoff busy with the plays she and Mr. Barton present every Friday night?” another man asked, his piercing blue eyes were staring directly at Natasha.

“That is a project I’ve developed on my own, Mr. Lukin, I asked SHIELD support for my project and they declined since the beginning.” Natasha immediately replied.

“C’mon, now gentlemen, wouldn’t it be great if SHIELD’s best seller of the season was written by a woman? Usually our stories are written by men, I think it would make a great difference if we changed this time.” Sam joined the discussion, apparently he was part of Steve’s plan now. “It’s time for SHIELD to give more opportunities to its female writers.”

“We do give opportunities to female writers.” The man with blue eyes and black hair, whose name was apparently Lukin, slapped back.

“Just take a look at this room, none of the authorities are women!” Steve argued. “I agree with Sam, we could be the difference. And as long as I know, Natasha has been working here for five years and her projects are always declined, it’s never too late to give someone the chance to prove the potential they have.”

Pierce’s eyes traveled to Steve, he offered him a fake smile “You do realize we can’t publish something we have not read, right?”

Before Steve could answer, Sam interrupted. “The contract also states that there is a period of four days to read or edit the determined piece of work before publishing it.”

“We’re not going to read this in four-“

“I read it in one night.” Steve interrupted Pierce, apparently he was finding any excuse not to publish Natasha’s novel. “And I’m sure you can read it too.” Steve concluded, he placed Natasha’s story in front of Pierce’s face.

Pierce looked at the others and sighed. “We’ll take the decision right now. Rogers, Romanoff, wait outside please, you’ll have the answer in twenty minutes.”

Steve nodded in Pierce’s direction, he opened the door’s office for Natasha to exit first, he took a last look at Sam and the other men and finally closed the door.

“You really fucked up everything this time, didn’t you?” Natasha asked Steve the moment the door had closed behind them.

“Fucking up things is becoming my talent these days.”

After thirty-eight long minutes, the door finally opened, Sam stepped out of the room and told Natasha and Steve to get inside again. The scenario was different, there was tension everywhere, all eyes were looking at Steve like if were a criminal that had just committed a murder or something like that.

Alexander Pierce raised from his chair in the center of the round table. “After considering the little time we have left to publish the work we’ve promised the public and rereading the terms of the contract, SHIELD’s authorities. Mr. Wilson and I have taken the sudden decision of publishing the novel written by Natasha Romanoff.”

Natasha’s mouth opened so wide it seemed her jaw was about to drop to the floor, her emerald eyes shinned brighter every time she blinked; she could not believe one of her projects was finally being published.

“As for you, Rogers, we only need you to sign the spot in the contract where you give us the permission to publish Miss Romanoff’s work.  We also need Romanoff’s firm to confirm it is her project the one we are publishing.”

Pierce placed the contract in front of Steve, slamming the document with fury against the table. Sam handed Natasha a pen and told her where to place her firm, when she had finished she handed the contract to Steve.

Steve signed the document and handed it back  to Pierce “There was another thing I wanted to suggest, I think we should be more specific with our contracts. Who knows? One of these days a stranger is going to walk through that door claiming he wrote a novel that could be plagiarized. SHIELD could take the horrible decision of publishing a work that doesn’t belong to the right person. Am I right, Mr. Pierce?”

If looks could kill Steve would be a dead man in that moment. Pierce’s blue eyes were judging him from top to bottom. Steve has not forgotten that Pierce’s most famous project is actually Bucky’s, he knew he had to tell someone that Pierce had made plagiarism. Still, deep inside Steve knew everyone would find out eventually, after all, the truth always shows itself in the best moment.

“Expect Miss Romanoff’s novel to be in every bookstore of New York City by Friday.” A man with glasses told Steve, he offered him a handshake and Steve politely accepted it. Pierce and the others left the office, leaving Steve, Natasha and Sam alone.

“Now that we’re alone.” Sam said, making sure the door was closed and locked. “Can you explain to me what the fuck just happened?!?”

Steve shrugged and smiled in Sam’s direction. “Long story short: I hate my romantic comedy, I found something that is worth publishing instead of my crappy story and you can expect SHIELD to have the best seller of the season by next week.” Steve concluded, winking one of his eyes to Sam.

Sam raised one of his eyebrows at Steve, Natasha chuckled “Steve found the secret story I was hiding from everyone and decided to publish it instead of his.”

“Man, but why the sudden decision to change everything? When I said, you have until Monday to solve everything I never expected the live action drama we just experienced a few moments ago.” Sam sat on his chair and placed his feet on top of his desk.

“Just like I told Pierce, it would be the worst decision to publish something that doesn’t belong to the right person. The romantic comedy is not mine, it’s just a series of feelings and thoughts we’ve- I mean, I’ve experienced in the last couple of months.” Steve said, removing the blue tie he was wearing. “Now” Steve turned his head to look at Natasha “don’t you have more import things to do?”

Natasha tilted her head, some red bangs of her carressed her forehead and cheeks, she didn’t understand what Steve was talking about. Ten seconds later, she got the message. “Of course! Clint! I need to tell him everything, how it all started, when are they publishing my book, why I’ve been keeping my distance-“ she stopped in the last sentence, bring both of her hands to cover her mouth as a sign of shock, finally realizing the horrible mistake she had done. “I need to explain everything to him, he must think I don’t need him anymore.”

“Girl, go find your man and tell him everything before he starts getting suicide thoughts all over again.” Sam said, even he had noticed how much Clint had changed.

Natasha removed the heels from her feet and ran towards the door, she had to find Clint and explain everything, she opened the door and left the office, running so fast Sam and Steve could still hear her footsteps.

Steve smiled, who ever thought that his crazy idea would make Clint and Natasha happy?

“Now, are you going to find your guy and fix everything with him too?” Sam said, breaking the silence that reigned between Steve and him.

“How do you-“

Sam laughed “I knew everything since the moment in the cafeteria, the way you looked at Barnes and how you chased him and begged him not to go and to forgive you. It was like watching Michael Jackson begging for more attention even after he became white.”

Steve rolled his eyes, what was going on with people and their strange references?

“I’ll find him, and I’ll beg for his forgiveness again.”

“What if he doesn’t forgive you?”

Steve sighed, he started to bite his lower lip. “Then I’ll have to let go one of the best things that has happened in my life, but at least I will know I tried and that I made the right decision by not publishing the story he helped me to write.”

“I hope you find the happiness you deserve.” Sam concluded.

They both raised from their seats and shared an embrace, Steve knows Sam is a good person; in fact, he realized how lucky he was to be surrounded by people who cared so much about him.

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

The next days were filled with many responsibilities for Steve and Natasha, they had to make sure everything was ready to publish the novel on Friday. Natasha had a hard time deciding the cover of the book, apparently, she had made her own designs and now she was indecisive of which one would reflect the spirit of the story. She had fixed everything with Clint, they even had dinner together and went to Bar None to have a good time. Steve wondered if they had broken another window in their time in the bar. In the end, Clint helped Natasha to choose the cover, she insisted there had to be some red color on it, the design had a red background, some strange cyrillic symbols and the black shadow of a man and a city.

“The cover of this book is just as dark as your soul, Nat.” Clint teased her.

“I’m not going to include purple and butterflies like you had suggested.” Natasha snapped back, her eyes never stopped staring at Clint’s blue eyes. Clint smiled at her, he grabbed her hand and gently caressed her faced. Natasha brought him closer and kissed him, she wrapped her hands in the back of Clint’s neck to deepen the kiss; Clint placed his hands in Natasha’s waist, one his hands traveled to the back of her dress and started to slowly unzip it.

“Guys, get a room.” Tony interrupted them; it was Thursday night, she was having a small party celebrating that her book had finally been published, six days had passed since her book had been published and she already had many calls from other authors congratulating her for an excellent work, other publishing houses had offered to hire her but she decided to stay with SHIELD.

“Or in this case, get the bathroom of a bar.” Steve appeared behind Tony, they had both arrived in the most uncomfortable moment.

“Steve, you said you would not mention it again!” Natasha looked at Steve in horror, her cheeks flushed with a bright pink color.

“What? About the time you and Barton banged in the bathroom of a bar and broke a window? That’s an old story.” Tony said.

Natasha turned her head to look at Clint. “You also told Tony about it?”

“I may have mentioned it, once” Clint admitted, Natasha raised one of her eyebrows at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Okay, maybe twice. You’re just jealous because Nat and I have done it better than Pepper and you.”

Tony faked a laugh and rolled his eyes, he and Pepper were back together and things between them went from good to better. “Actually, now that you mention it, last week we went to have dinner at her parents’ house and we banged in the kitchen.”

Clint laughed “Not very surprising if you-“

Tony raised his hands to shut him up “We banged in the kitchen while her parents were in the living room. I’m pretty sure Pepper’s brother saw us because he didn’t speak to me the next morning.” Tony concluded, taking a sip from the glass of wine he was holding.

“We have a winner, and that is not you, Clint.” Steve said joining the conversation.

Soon, Tony and Clint began discussing about the weirdest places they had ever banged and how many times they’ve been caught. Natasha placed a hand in her forehead, she couldn’t believe her boyfriend was actually discussing that with Tony. She left the two men arguing and joined Steve, who was now standing in the balcony of her apartment staring at the city.

Steve was checking his phone again, he had left another message for Bucky, hoping that he would read it. The last days he had been doing the same thing, each morning before heading to his office he would go to Bucky’s house and leave him a letter; when he returned he would pass again to check if Bucky was home. Every day he called him, he wouldn’t answer, Steve would leave him voice messages or texts.

“Hey” Natasha softly whispered.

“Hey.” Steve replied with a smirk.

“Can you believe those two are still arguing?” Natasha said as she looked at Tony and Clint, they had now taken the discussion to the living room.

Steve chuckled “They’re men, they’re both cocky and greedy, they won’t stop until there’s a winner.”

“Then I guess we’ll be stuck here all night.” Natasha smiled at him. “How are things between you and Barnes going?” Natasha would ask Steve the same question every day, she even offered Steve her help but he kindly declined it; it was a matter between Bucky and him, involving someone else would only make things worse.

“Still the same, I leave the letters, call him, text him and I’m still hoping he will forgive me someday.”

“It’s been two weeks already, I’m glad you have not lost faith in your relationship with him. Do you think he will forgive you?”

Steve tilted his head up and stared at the dark sky, it was a moonless night; the stars were the only companionship of the dark clouds that covered the city. “You don’t know him as I do, I know he will forgive me, the thing I don’t know is when; but deep in my heart I know it.”

Natasha placed one of her hands in Steve’s shoulder and friendly squeezed it. “Tomorrow is another day, and that means it’s another chance for you to keep trying, Steve.” Both Natasha and Steve turned their heads to stare at the city; the lights dimmed and shinned in each corner, the shadows of the tall buildings were reflected in the streets. Each place, sidewalk, subway and building were crowded, but at that moment Steve felt like the only persons in the city were his friends and him. Natasha’s green eyes traveled from side to side, staring in awe at each thing the city had to offer; she started humming Frank Sinatra’s _New York._

“What is it that people love to sing whenever they’re standing in a balcony?” Steve asked, staring at the distance.

“Damn it, Steve. You just ruined the moment.”

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

_Tomorrow is another day_

Steve woke up early next morning, even though he had the day off at work, he decided there were many things he wanted to do: first he wanted to clear his mind, thoughts about Bucky were the only ones that wandered through it, as much as he tried, the man with cold blue-grey eyes could not leave his head.

Desperation, guilty and loneliness were consuming his soul, Steve decided he had to write another letter and leave it at Bucky’s door, for the first time since he began to write the letters he felt hopeless. What if Bucky was not even reading the letters? What if he never forgave him? Steve decided to try again, even though his faith was scarce, one more time would be harmless.

As soon as the letter was done, Steve headed to Bucky’s house, even if he was not home, just the mere sight of the house made Steve’s heart jump, he still remembered all what had happened between Bucky and him inside of it. When Steve arrived to the front door of the house the color drained from his body, he could feel the paleness taking possession of his face and each fast thump his heart made: the door was open and someone was inside the house.

“Bucky.” The name immediately escaped from Steve’s lips.

Steve placed the letter inside the pocket of his pants and sprinted inside, finally Bucky was home and they could try to solve everything, the other option was talking with him, gaining his hate and probably lose him forever. At least, Steve had to try. Once inside, Steve’s baby blue eyes traveled to each corner of the house, it was different, it was empty. Inside the living room all of Bucky’s possessions were gone, many boxes were piled one on top of the other, there was a different couch, a different table, everything had changed. Steve gasped in horror, not being able to understand what was going on. Soon he heard a voice that was murmuring something inaudible, Steve realized it was coming from the kitchen and headed to it.

When Steve entered the kitchen, he was surprised to see someone there, the person was clearly not Bucky. A young woman with long brown hair was standing there, she was holding a box that contained forks, spoons, cups and glasses; she was carefully placing each delicate thing in its place while she softly sang to herself.

Steve cleared his throat to announce his presence. “Uhm, Miss?”

The woman turned around and sighed in terror as she saw Steve, clearly surprised to see a stranger that had been staring at her for five minutes, she dropped the box and a loud crash could be heard all over the house.

“Wanda? Are you okay, darling?” a man’s voice with a defined English accent was heard from upstairs.

“I’m fine, Vis, don’t worry. We just have visits, from a-uhm, a neighbor.” She replied to the man upstairs, Steve noticed she talked with a thick German accent. Soon she kneeled to the floor to pick the things that had fallen from the box, luckily, only one cup had shattered.

“I’m deeply sorry. Let me help you with that.” Steve said, he kneeled beside her and helped to pick up all the broken glass. Once he had picked up all the pieces, he tossed them into the garbage can. “Again, I apologize for my lack of prudency, Miss-uh”

“Maximoff. Wanda Maximoff.” She introduced herself and held out a hand to Steve, he politely accepted it and they shared a handshake. “Don’t worry about the glass, I hated that cup anyway. I thought no one would give us a friendly welcome to the new neighborhood, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr-“  Wanda stopped realizing she didn’t know the man’s name.

“Steve Rogers, nice to meet you too.”

Wanda opened her mouth and gasped, Steve’s name sounded familiar. “Rogers?” her thick accent was reflected every time she pronounced the letter ‘r’. “You must be the author of these!” Wanda said and she soon started looking for something in a box, her fingers with perfect nails painted in black polish searched every corner of the box until she finally found them: the envelopes in which Steve had written the letters, all of them were there. Wanda realized they were written by Steve since each envelope contained his name in the right corner. Something died inside of Steve, like if someone had delivered a punch to his abdomen and taken all the air out of his body: Bucky had not read any letter Steve had written for him

“I found them by the front door when we arrived, of course I didn’t open them because its mail that does not belong to me, but I decided to keep them because I knew the owner would eventually pick them up.” Wanda said with a smile, she realized she had done the right thing by keeping the letters.

“Miss Maximoff-“

“Please, call me Wanda.” She interrupted Steve before he could finish his sentence.

“I don’t mean to sound rude but, who are you, when did you arrived? Where’s Bucky?”

Wanda stared at Steve, she was confused. “I’m sorry, who?”

Steve clasped his fingers together, realizing only few persons knew Bucky by his lovely nickname. “James Barnes.” Steve corrected himself. Wanda’s blue eyes widened as she realized what was Steve talking about

“Oh, Mr. Barnes! Well, this was his house, but he sold it to my husband and me three days ago, it’s so easy to find everything online nowadays. We’re new in the city, we just moved from England due to my husband’s new job here in New York. I’m sorry if you were expecting to find Mr. Barnes here.”

Steve nodded in Wanda’s direction, his mouth was closed and hot tears were trying to escape his eyes. Bucky was gone, he was gone for real now. “Thank you, Wanda and welcome to the city, tell your husband I said hi.” Steve turned his back to Wanda and headed to the door, slowly walking like a beaten man. He had lost Bucky forever.

“Steve?” Wanda’s voice made Steve’s head turn around to look at her. “I don’t know if it will be of any use, but I have a way of contacting Mr. Barnes.” Wanda said with a warm smile in her pink lips. “Vis? Honey can you come here please?” She raised her voice for her husband to listen. A tall man with blonde spiky hair came rushing down the stairs, a pair of glasses covered his blue eyes. He entered the kitchen and looked at his wife with loving eyes,  he kissed her in the cheek and soon his lips traveled to hers, kissing her passionately; he had not realized they had company.

“Darling, this is our neighbor Steve Rogers, he just gave me us a warm welcome to the city.” Wanda introduced Steve.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Rogers. See, Wanda? I told you there had to be at least one friendly person in this city.” He chuckled and took Wanda’s hand in his own, he gave her a small kiss in her forehead and later shared a handshake with Steve.

“Vis, Steve wants to contact Mr. Barnes, do you still have his assistant’s number?”

He searched inside the pockets of his pants for his wallet, when he opened it a white presentation card was handed to Steve.

‘Daisy Johnson.’ Steve read to himself, a phone number was in the back part of the card.

“We contacted Mr. Barnes through her, I’m certain she will be able to tell you where to locate him.” Wanda’s husband said, his English accent noticeable in each word.

“Thank you, Wanda sorry for the incident, and again, welcome to the city.” Steve said, saying his final goodbyes and leaving the couple to install everything in their new house.

Once outside, Steve took his phone and dialed the number written in the presentation card; this was his only hope. The phone rang several times but finally a female voice could be heard on the other side of the phone.

" _Daisy Johnson, what’s up?”_ the voice greeted Steve, he noticed it was a young girl due to her vocabulary.

“Good evening, Miss Johnson. I have a presentation card with your name.” Steve sighed, he was looking for the right words in his mind. “Miss, do you know how can I contact Mr. James Barnes?”

_“Uhm, sir I don’t want to let you down but I am no longer his assistant, meaning I can’t help you.”_

Steve’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest, his last hope had died just as quickly as it had arrived.

_“Still, the last thing I know about him is that he sold his house and told me to buy him an airplane ticket. He’s leaving the city and he’s not planning to come back, too bad, Bucky is one of the best bosses I’ve ever had.”_

“What?” Steve remained in silent for a minute, his mind was processing every word Daisy had said. “Do you know when is leaving or where is going?”

_“The flight leaves today, 3:15 p.m. Boy, I’m picking up all the things from my office, I no longer have a job.”_

“Where is he going?” Steve repeated his question, almost screaming to the girl in the phone.

 _“Ouch, geez, calm down.”_ Daisy replied. _“He told me to get him a flight back home so I did, I know his favorite airport is the John F. Kennedy, I was confused until he explained everything, he said he was going back home. He’s going back_ _to-“_

“Russia.” Steve completed the sentence, he remembered Bucky telling him how he spent part of his life there; but that place had so many bad memories that haunted him, why did he wanted to go back?

 _“Uhm, yes. How do you know? Who are you?”_ Daisy asked suspiciously through the phone.

“I’m the biggest mistake of Bucky’s life.” Steve replied, he looked at his digital watch to check the hour, Bucky would be gone in two hours. “But I’m going to stop him from making the worst decision ever, now if you excuse me, there’s a flight I need to catch.” And with that Steve ended the call.

“Hello?” Daisy said in the other side of the phone, soon realizing she was talking with no one. “Weirdo.” She shrugged and continued cleaning her office.

Steve had to get to the airport, he had to stop Bucky, he had to bring him back to his life.

 _‘Easier said than done.’_  Steve thought to himself, he crossed the street and almost got hit by a car. He finally found a free cab and hoped inside.

“To the John F. Kennedy Airport, please.” Steve said to the driver. Soon the engine of the car started and it headed towards the airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many villains at Sam's office, geez that was terrifying to write.  
> Wow, I love Wanda and Vision so much. I decided to include Vision's human form (which we will see in Avengers: Infinity War and we'll also see Wanda and Vision's relationship in the movie). If you want to know how Vision looks as a human just google pictures of Paul Bettany.  
> More Daisy because she is one of my favorite of AOS. (My favorite was Bobbi, but now she is gone.)


	10. With or Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bling  
> Bling  
> This is the story's ending!
> 
> haha, thank you for reading this mess, I'll write an epilogue, I only need time to do it.

“Thank you, sir.” Steve said as he hopped out of the cab, after almost a one hour ride and after many shortcuts to avoid traffic he had finally arrived to the airport. He handed the taxi driver a bunch of money, not even counting the quantity he was giving away. “And thank you for listening!” Steve yelled at the old man, as he sprinted to the front doors of the airport.

“But Mr. this is too much mo-“ the driver could not even finish his statement, his client was gone already. “Good luck finding your friend!” the man yelled back at Steve, during the ride, Steve had told the stranger the main reason he needed to get to the airport, the man smiled and chuckled due to Steve’s story. He placed the money inside his wallet and drove away.

Once inside, Steve was amazed to see the amount of persons at the airport. How many people could be leaving the city at afternoon today? He lifted his left wrist and checked the hour once again in his watch: he still had 52 minutes to find Bucky and stop him, but how could he possibly do that? Steve had no idea where to start searching.

“Hey there, tourist, are you lost? Need some help with your luggage?” a voice came from behind.

“Don’t you see he has no luggage? This one won’t be useful, c’mon let’s look for someone else.”

Steve turned around and found himself with two moody teenagers that were staring at him.

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be at school?” Steve asked them.

“Just like you’re supposed to be working.” One of them snapped back, she was too busy checking her phone and chewing gum. Loose brown curls that matched with her skin color fell over her forehead.

“Seriously, what are you doing here?” Steve told them, eyebrows together and a cold glance that could freeze anything, just like an angry father that was reprimanding his children. Before the girl could reply, the other teenager interrupted. “Sir, don’t misunderstand us. We’re not thieves or anything, we come here to the airport to spend time and sometimes gain money by helping tourists. My friend and I thought you needed help or-“ Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “We’ll leave you now.” He was nervous as he spoke, the boy with brown hair and pale skin thought Steve might call the police or something; his brown eyes never met Steve’s blue ones. “Let’s go, Michelle.”

The girl rolled her eyes and tossed her phone inside the pocket of her pants, just as the two young persons were walking away Steve’s eyes widened so much they might have fallen from their sockets, his blue-green irises shinned with an idea. “Hey, kids. It turns out I do need help. I might give you some cash, just if you’re interested.” Steve’s sassy voice was back.

The girl was the first one to return. “Now we’re talking.” She clasped her hands together and gave Steve a cocky smile, the boy was walking behind her.

“What do you want us to do, sir?” he asked shyly and politely.

“Guys, I’m looking for someone and this airport is too big for me to find him alone, but maybe if you search with me we’ll be able to find him.”

“Who’s the guy? Is he a criminal? Are you an undercover agent trying to find him?” the girl asked.

“No, and I am not an agent.” Steve was a man who owned a lot of patience, but the girl with dark curls was slowly driving him crazy.

“You’re not?” she kept chewing gum and made a huge bubblegum that exploded mere inches away from Steve’s face. “With your good looks I do not believe that, in fact-“

The boy cleared his throat. “Michelle, please.” The boy stopped her, he turned his head to look at Steve, his brown eyes finally meeting the blue ones. “Do you have any clue where to find the guy?” he asked Steve.

“All I know is that his flight is headed to Russia and it leaves at 3:15.” Steve told the boy the only clue he had.

“Then let’s check the flight schedules, it will tell us which gate are we supposed to go and probably find him.” The boy replied, a crooked smile beginning to form in his lips. “The schedules are this way.” He made a signal with his head clearly telling Steve to follow him.

Steve followed the pair of teenagers to the place where they would find the schedules, a huge screen with blinking green words and numbers was hanging in a wall, containing the hour, gate and place the planes were headed to. Steve’s eyes wandered from top to bottom, reading each letter and looking for the flight headed to Russia at 3:15.

“I think I found it.” The boy said, he pointed to the left corner, Steve read carefully to check if that was the flight he was looking for.

 

_Departures_

_3:15 Moscow TH 9599 Gate 46-47_

“There’s the gate, man, we have to go to the other side of the airport if we want to catch this flight.” The boy exclaimed.

“Let’s get moving.” Steve told the teenagers with a firm voice, the boy followed him but the girl stayed behind, she was still staring at the screen.

“Do you know the exact city where this guy is going?” she asked.

“No, why?”

She pointed to the right corner of the screen. “Because there is another flight leaving for Russia at the same hour, but turns out its headed to a different city.”

Steve read the letters marked on the screen.

 

_3:15 Kazan AX 2187 Gate 21-22_

“It could be any of those.” Steve’s heart was beating fast, time was quickly ticking away and Bucky could be in one of those planes, but which one? Moscow sounded familiar since he lived there, but Bucky was unpredictable, he could be heading to another city to start a new life. “We’ll split, you guys check the gate 21-22, I’ll check the other.”

“Wait, you have not even told us how the guy looks like!” the boy said.

“Blue eyes, long brown hair. I’m sure you’ll recognize him.”

The boy laughed “You have any idea how many guys with blue eyes and brown hair are here right now? Be more specific.”

Steve sighed “His name is James Barnes; I do know how may persons are at this airport right now: many. But trust me when I tell you that he is unique, you’ll figure out who he is the moment you see him.”

“Hey!” the girl screamed at Steve just as he was running to the gate 46-47 “What if we find him? How are we supposed to let you know we found him?”

Steve checked his phone, and to his surprise he realized it had no battery; the phone was useless for the moment. “I was planning to give you my number so you could text me, but my phone died.”

“Take mine.” The boy offered, he handed Steve his phone. “Michelle will text you if we find him or vice versa.”

“Peter you can’t give your phone to a stranger!” the girl yelled at him.

“He’s not a stranger, he’s someone we are helping. Helping others implies risks and responsibilities, but at the end of the day it feels great to help. Sometimes the best aid comes from strangers.” Peter smiled at Steve.

Steve was surprised to hear Peter’s words, he was a young but wise boy. “Thanks, kid-uh, I mean, Peter. I promise I’ll return your phone.”

Steve sprinted to the indicated gate and the two guys did the same but in the opposite direction, Steve trusted them for a strange reason and they trusted Steve because he was going to pay them some money. After running for what felt like ages, Steve finally reached the designated gate, his only task now was to find Bucky. He searched everywhere for the familiar face, tons of persons were chatting as they entered through the door that leaded to the plane, many of them speaking in Russian, others carrying too much luggage and unnecessary things; for a moment he thought he had spotted Bucky in the crowd, but it was only his mind playing tricks with him, the man was not even going to take the flight, he was just wandering through the halls and then he walked away. Steve’s desperation was starting to consume him, he started to ask passengers, airport staff and other random strangers if they had seen Bucky, but none of them were useful.

Soon the clock marked 3:15 and everyone was already aboard the plane, only a few souls were left at the gate, including Steve; ten minutes later the engine of the plane started, powerful roars were emitted from the turbines and the plane slowly disappeared into a cloudless sky, a small shadow was noticeable until it finally vanished in the air.

Steve noticed Peter’s phone was ringing, Peter’s friend, Michelle, had texted him.

 

_‘Dude, we searched everywhere and asked almost everyone but we could not find your guy. The plane left a few moments ago. Did you find him?-MJ’_

_‘No. Meet me at the flight schedules, I’ll return the phone and give you the money.’_

 

Steve texted back, he placed the phone inside his pocket and slowly walked to meet the guys. Steve felt like if someone had ripped his heart out of chest, an empty space where his heart was supposed to be was now replaced with sorrow and sadness; his blue eyes were covered by a wall of crystal, fighting for the tears not to escape. His breaths were slow and he walked with his head down, staring only at his feet, a single tear rolled down his cheek but he quickly wiped it away, soon he reached the place where he would meet Peter and Michelle.

“Dude, we are right here.” Michelle spoke, Steve hadn’t noticed the moment they arrived.

“I swear we tried, but we could not find him. I’m sorry.” Peter apologized.

“Don’t worry, kids. It’s not your fault.” Another tear escaped Steve’s eyes, he tried to clean his cheek before Peter or Michelle noticed it. “Here’s your phone, Peter.” Steve handed Peter his phone and took his wallet out of his pocket, ready to pay the persons who had helped him. “How much do you-“

Before Steve could finish, Peter placed his hand on top of Steve’s signaling him to place his wallet away, Peter noticed how other tear rolled down Steve’s cheek. “Don’t worry. We won’t charge you, this time.” Peter said winking his eye towards Steve and offering him a small smile.

“But I thought-“

Peter chuckled “I insist, better accept before Michelle changes her mind.”

“Thank you.” Steve slowly walked towards the exit. “And remember to go to school! Study hard and do your homework.” Steve shouted back at them, anxious to see their reaction. Peter shrugged and Michelle raised one of her eyebrows, they both watched as Steve walked away; beaten, helpless and lonely.

“I can’t believe you did it again! It’s the third time, we won’t earn money if you keep helping people for free.” Michelle said to Peter, she crossed her arms defensively over her chest. “I wanted to have a nice dinner tonight, that money could’ve helped.”

Peter looked at her with a cocky smile. “Nothing better than to help a brother in need right?” Michelle rolled her brown eyes at Peter. “And don’t worry about food, you can have dinner with May and me tonight…if you want.” Peter said.

Michelle smiled. “Deal, Parker. But next time you won’t come with me to the airport, you’re ruining my business.”

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

 

When Steve left the airport, he wandered in the city for a while, walking wherever the wind would take him; taking subways and unknown alleys like a lost soul in need, like a ghost that was stuck between the world of the dead and of the living. Staring at buildings, at sidewalks, at light poles; he was looking at everything to forget about what happened in the airport, everything to forget about Bucky, but every time he looked at the sky he wondered if Bucky had arrived to Russia already, probably he will have a new house, a new job. Probably Bucky will find someone else in his life and completely forget about Steve and everything they shared together; the thought brought tears to Steve’s eyes again, he wanted to forget so bad, to stop the loneliness from eating him away.

Two hours of silent walk and deep meditation later, Steve found himself staring at the Brooklyn Bridge, he knew that if he crossed it he would get home faster; he was tired of walking, tired of thinking, tired of being the loneliest person in the city, he just wanted to get home and bury his face in the pillow of his bed, to wait for the next day to come and probably forget everything and start something new. Still the empty space would be there, in his mind Steve knew he would forget about everything with time, but time was also a dangerous enemy, how long would it take for Steve to forget?

Many thoughts clouded Steve’s mind as he crossed the bridge, memories stared to invade his head as he remembered that he had once been in this place with Bucky, Steve stopped in the middle of the bridge and stared at the distance; the sun was beginning to set over the city, the last rays were reflected in the now orange sky, darkness was slowly beginning to take possession of the city, as the last lights were beginning to fade away and the horizon was like an artist’s canvas: too many colors that somehow created something beautiful. Steve thought it would be amazing to draw what his eyes were contemplating, many people walked by his side but he kept staring towards the horizon, not caring about anything else; in that moment the only being that was lonelier than him was the sun. It was a pathetic comparison, but somehow Steve knew that it was true.

“What a view, you don’t see this every day.” A stranger stopped and stood beside Steve, contemplating in awe what mother nature had to offer. Steve had no intentions of talking with anyone at that moment, the man had just ruined the only moment of peace Steve had had in what felt like forever.

“Is he deaf or what?” the man shouted to someone in the back, Steve rolled his eyes at him and started to walk away, he was just a few steps away from his home.

“Unlike you and I, he’s an artist and knows how to appreciate beauty.” The person the stranger was talking to replied. The voice sent shivers down Steve’s back, he felt how the warm had returned to his cheeks as he recognized the owner of the deep and harmonious voice. Steve turned around and felt how his knees started to become weak, he wanted to run but something told him to stop.

“Bucky.” The name finally escaped Steve’s lips.

Bucky Barnes was walking towards him, just like Steve, he was staring at the horizon in silence until he noticed a man with blonde hair that was doing the same thing, Steve’s hair shinned like gold as the soft rays of the sun blended with the color of his hair, creating a new matching color.

“Hey, Steve. Long time no see.” Bucky said with a warm and soft voice, directly staring at Steve’s eyes.

“He’s not deaf after all!” the other man exclaimed.

“I’m paying you to help me carry my luggage, not to interrupt. Now go and make sure no one steals my things.” Bucky scowled at the man, he quickly sprinted to the other side of the street.

“Who’s that guy?”

“A hobo I found at the airport, I offered him thirty bucks to help me carry my luggage.”

“Wait, so you were at the airport today? You were going to leave to-“

Bucky placed one of his fingers in Steve’s lips, he had many things to explain. “To Moscow? Yeah, I had decided to leave.”

Steve took a deep breath, he placed Bucky’s finger away from his lips. “But I went to the airport and I didn’t find you, I thought you had left and I-"

“Shut up.” Bucky said placing his finger in Steve’s lips again, then he offered Steve a naïve smirk. “I’m trying to give a great monologue, do not interrupt me." Bucky said, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before starting speaking again. "I had decided to leave, to start again in Russia, then after thinking it for like twenty minutes I hopped out of that stupid plane, because I realized home is any place that encloses the right person, I was home already; I didn’t know you were at the airport though, but I knew you were out there, somewhere. And the ridiculous destiny has reunited us again, life is a bitch; its complicated and unexplainable, but deep, very deep inside of me, I know it’s the right thing to do. You never gave up on me, Steve, and you don’t know how thankful I am for that, I feel like we’re meant to be together for a reason I couldn’t explain until a few moments ago, until I spotted your gorgeous blonde hair and saw you here, I realized I truly, deeply love you and that I’m stupid enough to stay, for you.”

Steve nodded and gave Bucky a warm smile, his soul was filled with joy, he could feel his heart beating, he wanted to rip it off his chest and give it to Bucky; after all it belonged to him and only him. Still he was confused about many things. “But your house, you sold it, when- I mean, why?”

“Three days after the fiasco at the cafeteria, I decided to leave the city, just to clear my mind, I was angry; rage was consuming and trust me, it happened before and I hated it. I decided the best thing to do was to get away from remorse and hate. Then Skye-“ Bucky hesitated for a moment. “I mean, Daisy, helped me to place an online ad to sell my house and seventeen hours later two persons were already interested, I didn’t think twice and I immediately sold the house to them, I bought an airplane ticket and decided to get the hell out of here, until you know”

Steve raised one of his blonde eyebrows at him.

Bucky sighed “The monologue I gave about being home and the right person and when I confessed to love you. Don’t make me repeat it you little arsehole.”

Steve chuckled. “You don’t want to admit you love me? Fine, then I will, Bucky Barnes I love you and I was stupid enough not to realize it the moment my eyes met yours, the moment I heard your voice the first time. You opened my eyes and taught me to see the world from a different perspective, you taught me the world is shitty but we can fight this shitty world together, I can’t imagine someone else by my side to face the horrors of reality, the mortality of the routine. Thinking about you, being with you makes everything more interesting because I love you, if you want me to shout it here or I will because I love you, and I hate myself, Bucky, I am incredibly and extremely-“

“Sorry? Resentful? Regretting? Stupid?” Bucky pointed each adjective with his fingers. “Pal, I do not have enough fingers to count how many times you apologized in your letters.”

Steve’s mouth opened so wide his jaw might have fallen from its place in the skull.

“I know about the letters, actually I replied to each of them and placed them back in the envelope with your name but I never had the courage to give them back to you, I decided to leave them there, at the entrance of my door. And I know about the messages, about the four daily calls you made; Daisy helped me to hack my phone, I was able to read your texts and calls, but not to reply them. I know how you kissed the top of the envelopes every time you left them at my house, I was there the first time you did it, you did everything in your power to bring me back to your life. And mostly, I know you didn’t publish the book, and that means a lot, not for me, but for you. Daisy told me the woman who used to stalk me-“

“Natasha, that’s her name.” Steve said, he remembered how Natasha told him he wanted to get an interview with him so bad he used to follow him, she stalked him for about six months until she finally gave up. “She’s my friend.”

“Well, Natasha, according to Daisy, published a novel so good that I had to read it immediately, I started to read it; she has talent I must admit that, it called my attention that in the acknowledgements of the book she included you and summarized the story of how SHIELD finally gave her the chance to publish something and it was all thanks to you. But here comes a question: why? You had everything to present an excellent work.”

Steve walked closer to Bucky. “Because that thing has no meaning for me at all, I realized the value people have, that you are more important than a stupid book, because this city is full of people that are less important than you, you’re worth so much and you still do not realize it. Bucky, you took everything with you when you left, I was not only trying to find you, but I was also trying to find myself. And it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

Bucky’s smile widened. “Did you just quoted Tennyson?”

Steve nodded. “Of course I did.”  He looked at Bucky with warm blue eyes and small smile in his lips.

“And I thought you couldn’t be more perfect.”

Bucky cupped Steve’s face in his hands and kissed him, Steve knew exactly what to do: he placed his hands in the back of Bucky’s neck and started to play with his long and tangled brunette hair; Bucky started nibbling in Steve’s lower lip and he gently reacted to the gesture, his tongue didn’t ask for permission to enter Bucky’s mouth, he proclaimed that place as its own and soon his tongue started to play with Bucky’s. One of Bucky’s hands caressed Steve’s face, it carefully touched every delicate spot, traced every line he could find, the other hand rested in Steve’s hip. Both lips crashed together after a long time separated, warm met coldness and day met night as the lights faded away and left them kissing under the darkness of the night.

“I missed this.” Steve said, finally pulling apart to catch his breath.

“Oh, Rogers, believe me, I won’t leave you alone for a long time from now. You might even get tired of me.”

Steve laughed, his arms were still wrapped around Bucky, their noses mere inches away from each other. “And I assure you that is never going to happen.”

Steve peeked Bucky on the lips, a light butterfly kiss that carried many emotions on it. Bucky chuckled, then he embraced Steve to kiss him again.

“Excuse me, are you going to stay here?” their passionate kiss was interrupted by the man Bucky had hired to carry his luggage. “You told me to help you carry your things home, never thought you would live in a bridge.”

“Oh damn it. Is it night already? Just look at the sky.” Bucky exclaimed, he tilted his head upwards to stare at the sky, unlike the other nights the moon had finally appeared and the stars lined up to create a barrier around it, almost as if they were preventing the beauty and the light to escape. “What a view.”

Steve stared at Bucky, their hands were locked together and Steve was not planning to let go. “I’ve seen better views.” He admired every feature of Bucky’s face, a strong jawline, small pink lips and blue-greyish eyes that blended with the light of the moon.

“You have the chance to look at the beauty of the night sky over New York City and you decide to stare at my face. Is something wrong with you?” Bucky’s serious face soon faded as he noticed Steve’s huge smile.

“I could look at you all day, or in this case, night.”

“I know.” Bucky peeked him on the cheek. “The problem now is that I have nowhere to go, I sold my house, I have no place to stay. Probably my sister will receive me, I’ll call her. The I-”

“Or you could stay with me.” Steve didn’t think about it twice. “Stay with me tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after after tomorrow and-“

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” Bucky’s voice was enthusiastic, his blue eyes shinned with curiosity.

Steve smiled. “Bucky Barnes would you do me the honor of moving in with me?” he asked, he took out the key from his apartment out of his pocket and placed it in Bucky’s palms.

Bucky laughed because of Steve’s ridiculous scene. “I do, I’ll live with you.”

“Then let’s get moving.” Steve replied, he offered Bucky his hand and he gladly accepted it, their fingers were locked together and they walked towards the other side of the bridge, walking as close as possible from each other like the couple they were. Steve was carrying some of Bucky’s luggage in his free hand, the stranger man slowly followed them behind.

“I had no plans for tonight, but now I do.” Steve whispered to Bucky’s ear, a warm and soothing voice that could calm even the wildest storm.

Bucky winked his eye at him. “Yeah, I was thinking about make up sex too.” Bucky whispered back at him, his voice filled with lust and desire.

“I was actually thinking of cooking a nice dinner for you, you even admitted you wanted to have one of my famous smoothies with exotic fruits.” Steve replied, his voice had changed to an innocent tone; he looked at Bucky like if he were the eighth wonder of the world.

Bucky tilted his head backwards and laughed. “Okay, dinner sounds perfect.”

“But your idea is not bad, we could leave it as a dessert.” Steve winked his eye back at Bucky and held his hand tighter to Bucky’s, his thumb started to trace small circles in Bucky’s palm.

“You’re a genius.” Bucky replied with smirk.

Steve stopped walking and crashed his lips into Bucky’s the man responded, both in perfect synchronization and familiar with each other’s face.

“You know I love you, right?” Steve said.

“And I love you too.” Bucky replied, Steve kissed him on the forehead and soon they locked their hands together again; they started to walk, Bucky placed his head in Steve’s shoulder.

Steve finally felt like the luckiest man in the world, he had amazing friends, a great job and the most perfect man in the world by his side. What else could he ask for?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Michelle to the rescue! I loved HOCO, I had to include them somehow in the story.  
> The ending is never easy, but I really enjoyed writting this, I'm a sucker for happy endings, sorry.


End file.
